So that's what it was!

Less · 27-11-2005, 17:38

It's that dreaded day again, you look around and you know the moment is upon you, no use putting it off anymore even your emergency only cupboard is looking a bit depleted!
So gritting your teeth you put together a mental shopping list and head for the supermarket, you hate doing the shopping all that hussle and bustle.

So to avoid spending more time than needed in this hall of doom you put on your mean head, look out little old ladies, look out mothers with children I'm coming through!

You get through in 22 minutes 14 seconds a new record, yippee!

Only the equivalent time to wait to get through the check out and your home free. while your in the queue, you get two niggling little hints that all is not quite right with the world, one is from your lower bowel something somewhere is on the move, not to worry soon be out of here and can take relief at home no need to panic.
The second is more frustrating because you know you had put it on your list but you have missed getting something..........

Through the check-out heading for the car park the down stairs rumbling is getting just a little more urgent, still, nothing to panic over.....What was that other thing?????

Everybody you know from everywhere in your past life suddenly emerges between you and your car and has all the time in the world for making trivial conversation......I know there is something as soon as I get home I'll kick myself when I remember!!!! Oh, boy if I don't get home soon all will be lost this is getting really URGENT!

You rush home, the lights that where red you have stopped for but only because there was a car in front of you, oh my god the pain whatever was in that curry last night? The amber lights you rush through. Whatever it is I wish I could remember, it would take my mind off this predicament.

You get home, ignore the shopping I'll get that later you enter the house get to the bathroom as quickly as possible, trousers down on the toilet, MADE IT ,Phew!!!! Ten minutes later the world is wonderful once more, you reach out to the holder and...... THAT'S WHAT IT WAS I'VE FORGOTTEN THE BLOOMIN' TOILET ROLLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARRRRGHHHH.

chav1 · 29-11-2005, 03:05

stand upside down in the shower and pretend you have a bidet

ps:

keep your mouth shut while doing it

Neil · 29-11-2005, 06:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by chav1

keep your mouth shut while doing it

That would be the hard part for Less

Less · 29-11-2005, 10:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by chav1

stand upside down in the shower and pretend you have a bidet

ps:

keep your mouth shut while doing it

I hadn't thought of that, though things didn't work out too bad, that night was the regular meeting of the Accrington branch of the Star Trek Convention. My fellow 'trekkies' were very pleased when I arrived and was able to introduce them to a whole new group of klingons!

SPUGGIE J · 29-11-2005, 11:03

And the answer to the problem was...................

slinky · 29-11-2005, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by chav1

stand upside down in the shower and pretend you have a bidet

ps:

keep your mouth shut while doing it

OMG!!! that made me laugh!!!! I mean REALLY laugh!! aww yuck the thought

chav1 · 29-11-2005, 14:37

i wasnt refering to the poop you dirty minded lot , i just didnt want him drowning

sheeesh you lot are a bad influence on me

Ber999T · 29-11-2005, 16:05

been there and done that less but luckly for me other half able to throw up some kitchen roll not as good as toilet roll but did the job

Bad-Wolf · 01-12-2005, 20:23

Oh it always does. Soft strong and thoroughly absorbent!

Len · 01-12-2005, 21:05

Not like this stuff, izal?
It doesn’t wipe, it spreads. hehe

Bad-Wolf · 02-12-2005, 00:47

hmmmm spreadable

Nice!

grannyclaret · 02-12-2005, 00:48

well you could have used newspaper.. like we did when we were kids

Bad-Wolf · 02-12-2005, 00:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by grannyclaret

well you could have used newspaper.. like we did when we were kids

No wonder you always stank back then. The paper's will have been full of sxxt before you started!

grannyclaret · 02-12-2005, 02:10

the newspapers then diddent seem to have as much ink on them....
and fish and chips always tasted fantastic wrapped up in them

janet · 02-12-2005, 12:16

My grandma always used newspaper in the tippler toilet in the yard, she used to cut it into perfect squares then tied it on string. When she had a bathroom installed in the house she upgraded to Izal toilet paper.

Thanks for bringing back the memories. lol