Travel enquiries

[Retlaw]

Found this on an Australian Web site.

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
sense of humour
__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles , take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before
you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Retlaw.

[MargaretR]

Good chuckle stuff

[onlyme]

like it lol

[cashman]

love the aussie sense of humour.

[Eric]

Cute ... and notice that most of the dumb questions come from yanks ... these are the guys that arrive in Canada in July looking for a good place to ski ... you feel like telling them that it is ok to pick up grizzly cubs when momma bear is nearby.

[Bonnyboy]

Originally Posted by Eric

Cute ... and notice that most of the dumb questions come from yanks ... these are the guys that arrive in Canada in July looking for a good place to ski ... you feel like telling them that it is ok to pick up grizzly cubs when momma bear is nearby.

Maybe this Warning sign was intended for the Yanks

[emamum]

i cant see that bb.... is it just me? just a cross in a box..

[Bonnyboy]

Originally Posted by emamum23

i cant see that bb.... is it just me? just a cross in a box..

Dunno Em, looks fine to me, maybe others can't see it, rekckone it would be hard to read if I had uploaded it as an attachment ( they only seem to come out little) so just copied an pasted it into the thread

[Bonnyboy]

Originally Posted by emamum23

i cant see that bb.... is it just me? just a cross in a box..

Last night it looked fine, now it’s a red x

Will post the same image as an attachment, reckon the writing may be a little small to read though. I may as well, nowt else to do this fine morning.

[MargaretR]

It expands to a readable size ......

Now when our public servants display a sense of humour (Clarkson for PM thread) they get criticised

[AccyLass]

That was funny

[south aussie]

Glad You Did Not Show The Really Stupid Questions And Answers