[Lord Stiffupperlip]

When considering the attributes required by a good league 2 striker, the following assets are surely paramount.
1. A master of deception.
2. The strength of an Ox.
3. More slippery than an eel.
4. As deadly as a King Cobra.
For all of the above, read Adebeyo Akinfenwa, a.k.a. - 'The Beast'
As his roly-poly frame waddles at walking pace across the field, lapping up the 'Who ate all the pies?' derision coming from opposition fans, he flatters to deceive (1)
When in possession of the ball, strong men just bounce off him (2)
Defenders tasked with marking him at corners, throw-ins etc. just can't seem to get a grip on his Billy Bunter frame (3)
Turn your back on him for a second & he strikes with the speed of a rattlesnake (4)
I'm sure that, following his release by the Wombles, a salary based on a cow pie (a la 'Desperate Dan') bonus scheme, would have tempted our nemesis to waddle round in a Stanley shirt causing mayhem in the oppositions penalty box.
Love him or loathe him, you can't help but admire The Incredible Hulk!