[Tealeaf]

So having spent five years - at the taxpayers expense - studying art, what a shame it is that you now appear completely ignorant of the art world. The fourth plinth on Trafalgar Square is currently occupied by Yinka Shonibare's "Nelson's Ship in a Bottle". That is not due to be taken down until the end of next year, at which point it will be replaced by one of six shortlisted exhibits, amongst which are works entitled 'Battenburg' and 'Cock'. I suggest you use what little appears left of your artist's imagination to dwell on the latter. Irrespective of any suggestion, this has nothing to do with me.

But yes - mea culpa - I do occaisionally shop at Selfridges. The Manchester branch, that is. However, there did not appear to be many examples of the North-West's finest suburban classes there when I purchased the said mats a few years ago...accents were mainly Mancunian with a splattering of North-East Lancs....in fact, I'm pretty sure I met someone from Ossy while I was in there. Still, if that's how you wish to describe your fellow townspeople, that's your business.