Eawr Mothers thowt they’d do a play
To raise some funds for t’ Guild;
They co’ed a meetin’, and on t’ day
O’t Parish Hall wor filled!
As t’ Vicar said, the room was packed,
An’ laid deawn t’ Law wi glee –
If t’ Mothers fro’ St. John’s con act,
They muttered, Soa con we!

An’ after t’ Prayers an’ t’ bits o’ news
To business they set to,
For fust ov o’ they hed to choose
A gradely play to do.
Some thowt a Panto. met be good –
But t’ Vicar said: Come, come,
Hardly – er – suitable, where could
We get the fairies from?

East Lynne! said Mrs. Shuttleworth,
Th’ owd ’uns wor t’ best, tha knows,
An’ sithee, if tha want me in
Ah’ve o’ mi Gronny’s cloes! …
Noa Shakespeare ’ere, said Mrs. Pyke,
(At names hoo’s noa great shakes)
Ah feel o’ sentimental-like –
Eh, led’s do Hindle Wakes!

They barged till t’ Vicar’s cough wor dreawned,
An’ never settled nowt:
There’ll be noa acting, Ah’ll be beawnd,
But as Ah wetched, Ah thowt
By Gum, if they could mek fooak pay
To hear their noisy spells,
They’d be as good as ony play
Be bein’ just thersels!