parents
 

if your child stays at someone elses house do you expect them to follow your rules? for example, if there is something you dont allow them to eat or drink?
Wondering if i am making a fuss about nothing :)

Re: parents
 

There is no black and white answer to this. My view has always been that if somebody is looking after my child then hopefully they do it responsibily. If my child had special requirements or rules then I would ask for that to be followed but if that causes a problem I would choose to either not allow my child there again or accept that the house they are in has it's own rules. It really depends on the circumstances.

Re: parents
 

my lad eats real food i dont like him eating processed, fatty, sugary food.. he stayed at my mums(she is a chef!) he hardly ever stays there, she gave him fish fingers and super noodles...
the biggest problem that i have is that he told her he was thirsty and she said all she had was coke, which he knows he is not allowed, he told her he was not alllowed and she said he had to drink it and it was coke or nothing, he asked for water and she said no! i have spoken to my sister who backs my lad up.... from, what my lad and sister have told me, she kept saying things, in front of him, that underminds me.....some are stupid little things like how to wear his coat and body warmer. but she told him that i am lazy.....

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just to add that she gave him chocolate breakfast cereal (which i dont allow), despite me sending his breakfast with him and didnt give him any dinner, poor lad was starving when he got home at 4(ish)

Re: parents
 

I think you know the answer yourself :)

Re: parents
 

sometimes ema ya gotta make tough calls in life, everyones personal circs are not the same, but its a call only you can make.:) good luck.

Re: parents
 

she doesnt see a problem, she gave him what she gives my brothers and sisters, she doesnt think i know what i am doing!

Re: parents
 

Shoe on the other foot suggests you don't think your Mum knows what she is doing. Looks like you either have to go with the flow or stick to your guns in which case you will have to not allow your Mum to look after him. Tough call I'm afraid.

Re: parents
 

I was needed to do granny duty 3 teatimes a week for a spell of 2 years when my 3 grandchildren were at primary school.
I cooked vegetarian meals for them, never smoked in their presence, and dispensed homeopathic remedies when needed.
As a mother in law it was essential to keep to their mum's rules.
A happy daughter in law ensures a happy son. :D

Re: parents
 

its absolutely nothing to do with me Em but i'll shed a different opinion on this...although i hate processed food myself, would it really harm your little boy to have it once in a while? its kinda like keeping your kids clean all the time, and when they come into contact with dirt the immune system cant handle it, i know it isnt but try and see it as a treat for him, it really wont harm him if he only has it every so often, its when they have crap everyday, thats when the damage occurs, only you can have the final say on this, but thats just my opinion on the subject :)

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Re: parents
 

Its a difficult one,i have the same problem with Jacks nan on his dads side.....if he asks for something he gets it-then he gets into the routine of asking for it,even if he doesn't really want it,as soon as he walks in he gets two chocolates,a banana and a biscuit:rolleyes: i have given up arguing.

Re: parents
 

you could always send him with his breakfast lunch and dinner and drinks

i wouldnt expect my mum to give my child anything i didnt want her to have

Re: parents
 

to me the breakfast ya can cover over as a treat, still not ideal as you sent his with him. as for nothing to eat till about 4ish when he got home. NOT ON, would be end of story for me.

Re: parents
 

I'm with flashy on this once in a while won't do any harm, the bit I cannot understand is refusing to let him have water to drink. Personally I'd have a quiet word and say you don't really like the processed food but you will let it go once in a while but please allow the water, and not to criticise you in front of your son.

Re: parents
 

he is not allowed coke... far to much sugar for him especially when you add it to the other sugar he had.... he hardly has any sugar at home and he has a reaction to it!

Re: parents
 

he will have a reaction to it if he's never allowed it em, like i said, a bit won't harm him, when he starts going to school on his own he'll probably bunk off to the shop and eat all he can because you have dissallowed him for so long

Re: parents
 

Em there is nobody who knows your child better than you. If you have banned certain things I don't think you have done it lightly. If you can't rely on the people looking after him to follow your guidelines think you know what you have to do. Might sound harsh but at the end of the day all that matters is the lads wellbeing.

Re: parents
 

i dont think thats harsh,think its sensible.;)

Re: parents
 

my sister in law water coke and and my sister doesnt allow her child any coke either

i too wont be letting my child drink coke

Re: parents
 

Reece doesnt have full fat coke, he's allowed diet coke because there is less caffeine in it and no sugar only sweetners

Re: parents
 

If grandmother knows the sort of diet your son has she is doing one of two things. She is either trying to win in some kind of affection contest or she thinks your ideas are wrong. It's probably the first one - he doesn't come very often so, when he does, I'll treat him to things he doesn't usually get so he'll want to come again.

The woman is a chef so, presumably, she knows about nutrition and she knows that every now and then won't harm. It's not the way I would do things but - it happens.

Re: parents
 

Perhaps if you consider, going to grandma's as a treat, a place where anything goes?

Yeah o.k. you're mum isn't as strict as you would be, then your child will be able to enjoy both of you? Rather than see you arguing over something that you dismiss, but your Mother enjoy's?

Re: parents
 

my mum has been a chef for years but i lived off microwave meals, knowing my mum, it is to get one up an me, nothing about affection.. she hardly ever bothers with us, she only had him the other night so that she could tell ppl that she has him because i cant cope...... that is what she tells ppl, because they tell me.

Re: parents
 

So really, this goes deeper than, 'what mum gives my kids', You feel like mummy let you down, and you can't trust her with your little produce?
:confused:

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Re: parents
 

i have to agree with flashy on this, a bit of junk every now and then does no harm, its only when they have it constantly that it starts to do harm.

my kids eat veg, etc, but sometimes i will let them eat what they want, but not always;)

Re: parents
 

Do you give your son a birthday cake when its his birthday? They're full of artificial sweeteners, sugar, colourings etc, but I cant imagine you are going to tell me you give him a plain cake for his birthday?

Fish fingers aren't going to hurt him, and neither is a glass of coke. Its bad of your mother to undermine you, but perhaps she thinks you're being a bit too strict about what he eats and drinks? Did you not eat that kind of food when you where younger?

One thing parents do i've noticed, in my experience at least, is to not buy things for their children to try simply because they dont like the food themselves :p my mum doesnt like cheesecake, so we never buy cheesecake, point is, you need to avoid imposing your choices onto your children, because they wont learn how to make choices for themselves properly, they'll always turn to you, or worse, when they get to an age where you cant watch their every move they'll try things that they know you wouldn't allow and rebel against you, which can be disastrous.

Your little boy is clearly following your example and upholding the rule of no fizzy drinks, but is he simply following it because its your choice or because its his choice?

Re: parents
 

that is all i ate when i was younger and i was always in and out of hospital...
unhealthy food is obviously bad for you and i am trying to give my child the best start... if you had met my son and seen how energetic he is then you would understand why he doesnt have sugar!!! i breast fed because it is best, i cooked and blended his food when he was weaning instead of using commercial baby food and i cook for him now.. because i am his mum and it is my job to do my best for my child.. he is the right weight for his height, the right height for his age and his teeth are perfect..because i have looked after his health.. he knows and understands why he cant eat rubbish all the time, he counts his 5 a day and he knows the difference between healthy and unhealthy, because i have taught him so that when he is old enough to make his own decisions, he will understand the health implications of eating crap! he does have choices but they are limited, he is still only 6 and he refused the coke because he is not alowed it and he never has been, because they are my rules. i didnt decide these things because i had nothing better to do one day, i did it because i want the best for my son, i have a qualification in diet and nutrition for children, so i DO (for a change) know what i am talking about!

Re: parents
 

At the end of the day it is Em's choice and as I said before she knows him better than anyone. If she knows what makes him hyper she has obviously done the process and elimination thing. Her mum should back her up all the way as the grandparents on here have said they would!!!

Re: parents
 

You don't have to let him stay with your mum, do you? Knowing what she will do and say, and still letting him stay with her, is saying that it's OK as long as you can tell everyone she's wrong afterwards. She says she has him because you can't cope, you say you can. Just say, "No thanks," next time.

Re: parents
 

he has only stayed at her house twice! i didnt agree to it, she told my lad she was taking him to a show and i couldnt say no, because he was so excited! i hated it both times he stayed....

Re: parents
 

I think you should try not to let it get to you, simply for the sake of the relationship you all have together. I'm sure your boy will pick up on the tension between you both and it isnt really necessary.

Simply tell her you want her to enforce your rules whilst he is with you, and if she doesn't, just try not to let it jeopardise your relationship with her.

Re: parents
 

ha ha ha ha ...... i have no relationship with my mum

Re: parents
 

But you do, otherwise she wouldn't be in the equation. You don't like the way she is but you haven't cut her out of your life, or your son's.

Re: parents
 

It may annoy you that your mum didn't bring you up the way you wished you had, but you've turned out alright and you've got a beautiful little boy who's clearly going to grow up into a lovely young man.

I know you probably think that your the way you are to be better than your mum, to prove her wrong and to be everything she wasnt, but I think that its likely you have become who you are because of those perhaps negative aspects of her parenthood, and you should perhaps be a bit more thankful that she was a bit rubbish :p I know that sounds a bit silly, but sometimes its being treated like your in the real world rather than an all too friendly one that helps children turn out to be better people in their adult lives.

Re: parents
 

i turned into the person i am despite my mum, not because of her....... i only lived with her till i was 12........

Re: parents
 

Well I never knew my real dad, and I was bitter about having to be brought up by a man who blatantly wasn't my real dad and hated me, and I was bitter about it and I still am bitter about both those people, but at the end of the day, their failures as parents made me wants to be better than them and prove them wrong, and I feel I have done, I knew I would do, and its made me who I am today.

I know exactly how you feel, not in the sense of mothers, mines been brilliant, but in the sense of fathers, i've pretty much been let down time and time again, but I'm not going to pretend that its had no effect on me and the person i've become.

Re: parents
 

my other mum made me into the person i am.......

Re: parents
 

You said yourself that you believe your regular illnesses and hospital visits were most likely increased by the bad diet your mum fed you, would you not say that you have become the parent you are today mainly because of that experience?
You didnt say your other mum fed you on entirely home made foods rather than processed foods which led to good health, you only mentioned your mums flaws and what discomforts they caused you, and therefore you are modelling yourself around everything she wasn't, and everything you felt she did wrong?

Re: parents
 

blazey shut up, u are annoying me now, come back to the thread when u have kids

Re: parents
 

Well god help your kids when you cant even stop a bloody puppy from running away. You silly bint, you could've at least used spell check on your poster as well before you put them up all over ossy :rolleyes: 'Choclate' indeed.

Re: parents
 

wasnt that yvonne?

Re: parents
 

whos puppy?
i never lost mine, my dog is at home and she is black and white lol u sad person

Re: parents
 

Ah well my mistake in regards to the puppy, but I still think your a stupid interfering bint.

Re: parents
 

Back on topic--

My relationship with my mother was less than ideal. At an early age she told me that she had wanted a boy and I would have been called Paul. I cannot recall any hugs and cuddles from my mum. There never was any expression of affection, often disapproval. I didn't lack anything in a material sense - got taken to Manchester twice yearly to be kitted out with the latest fashions. I never had a sister, and because of her lack of affection, I have always found friendships with women difficult. I was so eager to leave home that I married the 1st man who asked.

Over time, I learned more about the difficult childhood she had, so began to understand why she was that way.
I never regarded her as a friend until there came a time when she needed me. I was in my 50s, she in her 80s - and out of a sense of duty only, I spent 2 days a week, staying overnight, in order to do all her shopping, cleaning, and laundry.
During these trips in a period of 2 years , we eventually became friends, leading up to her saying one day "You have had a hard life haven't you"- a profound level of understanding had grown between us at last.

I am glad I had the chance to make friends with her before she died.

There may come a time when your mother says sorry too.

Re: parents
 

oh and by the way blazey check facts before you post

Re: parents
 

aww blazey thanks, want to meet for a one to one chat and explain to me how can u actually talk about how we mother bring up our kids?

Re: parents
 

Another nomination for 'Ironic Post Of The Year' You're doing well Blazey you got first prize and runner up so far :rofl38::rofl38:

Re: parents
 

Not every woman with children knows better than the woman without children. That is what Emma herself has mentioned in this thread, one mum was better than the other. So you could have children, but for all I know they could still be children and growing up thinking the same of you that Emma thinks of her mum, so it doesn't really make much difference.

Re: parents
 

Right blazey honest u are soo good in incredible, i would love to have you as a mother

Re: parents
 

I'm not saying I'd be a brilliant mother, and I'm not saying I'd be a bad one, and I'm not questioning Emma or her mothers parenting skills, i'm just saying that its not just the positive aspects of your parents abilities that make who you are.

Re: parents
 

if you did question my mothers parenting skills, you wouldnt be the only one........

Re: parents
 

oh ******!, why do I always miss the arguments???


i love a good argument, but wont cuz someone might give me bad karma....:(...;)

Re: parents
 

he brought a carrier bag home today full of everything in his tray... and guess what?? it was none uniform day on monday! :)

Re: parents
 

my son as finished today!!!
he never brought anything home......

Re: parents
 

i didnt know they were breaking up today until they told me on monday, there was a nativity on today that i didnt know about till they told me today when i dropped him off.......they probably think i am really crap mum,. i never know whats going on at school!

Re: parents
 

kids tend to "forget" to tell you for some reason:rolleyes:

Re: parents
 

Will you stop putting yourself down all the time!! If you don't know what's going on it is hardly your fault:(

Re: parents
 

Don't be silly. I don't think much of a school that doesn't make sure every child has every letter it needs. If they do that, and make sure the letters go in the reading folders, all you have to do is look inside every night.

My daughter is one of the world's worse for forgetting to send money in with Laura. They have swimming on a Monday and Laura seems to be one who pays by about Wednesday. My daughter is a very good mum, as I'm sure you are too, just has a head like a sieve. :rolleyes:

Re: parents
 

alot of parents dont bother going into the reading folders.. i used to find letters in some childrens folders that were months old and reading record books that the parents had never signed!

Re: parents
 

But you aren't a lot of parents Em are you?

Re: parents
 

As long as you're reading his - and you're getting them on time - that's hardly your fault, is it? We all make mistakes. :D

Re: parents
 

I dont think anyone can blame themselves for not being aware of everything thats going on at the primary school. Maybe you should stress to your little boy that letters are important and they need to reach you so that he doesnt miss out on anything. Or you could make friends with a parent who is on the PTA, they are handy, they know everything and seem to be wonder parents :p bit annoying though but its handy to have someone like that to ask when its nearing end of term if there is a non-uniform day or something.

I think every class has a pupil with a mother of the PTA who seems to know everything, I know my sister does :p

Re: parents
 

your rules ,should be the same as they are at home,but ive no children but when i go to my brothers i always make the children stick to them and always have respecked

Re: parents
 

My daughter is on the PTA. She still forgets. ;)