Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

Bernard Matthews has died ;-

Turkey Farmer Bernard Matthews Has Died At The Age Of 80 | UK News | Sky News

Rest in peace

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

Not So Butifull RIP

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

r.i.p Mr. Matthews x

Bernard Matthews
 

Millionaire Turkey Farmer Bernard Matthews has passed away, just before Christmas. RIP

Can't help thinking there are a few turkeys around saying "Now he knows how it feels!"

:eek:

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

did he have bird flu?

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

Stop it :rolleyes:





I will forward them on to you if I get any :rolleyes::D

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

and i know you laughed

R.I.P anyway Mr Matthews

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

Me never

I believe, his last wishes were to be stuffed.

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

No you've got it wrong Less he said get stuffed:D

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

I've heard that they are going to have James Blunt at the funeral singing you are bootiful.:D:D:D

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

RIP... I've heard the police have yet to rule out fowl play.

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

Oh dear ! It appears the famous British Black Humour is, to coin a phrase, "Alive & well !" within these pages. No doubt the funeral will be quite tasteful & with all the trimmings. :rolleyes:

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

heard he is being cremated at gas mark 6 for 2 hours with a lemon up his backside...

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

you no on facebook yet:D

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

Foiled again.:D

Re: Turkey farmer Bernard Matthews dies
 

The Pope vists East Anglia, and Bernard Matthews goes to see him. Bernard says "You may not know me, but I am the biggest turkey farmer in Europe, and I need your help."

The Pope says "Speak my child; if I can guide you, I will".

Bernard says "All I want is one word; if you change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily turkey', it will stick in people's minds. Frequency of turkey purchase will go up and I'll be sorted.

The pope shakes his head. "The Lord's prayer is a great unshakeable tradition of the church; we couldn't possibly change it".

Bernard says "OK, OK, I'll give you 15 million a year for 12 years"

The pope starts to soften "Well...I suppose we could change it to 'give us this day our daily bread AND turkey'..."

Bernard gets desparate and pleads. "Look, this is my best offer. 20 million pounds a year for the first five years, then going up by five million pounds a year, and so on each five years, for 20 years. That's really the best I can do."

The pope smiles at Bernard and says "I shall help you. Go in peace". The two shake on it to seal the deal, and Bernard leaves.

The next day the pope returns to the Vatican, and immediately calls a gathering of the cardinals. They gather together and the Pope says "I've got good news, and bad news. The good news is I've got us 20 million pounds a year..."

A gasp echoes round the chamber, and one cardinal says "That is excellent your holiness, but what's the bad news?"

The pope replies, "We've lost the Hovis account."