Why we tell Irish Jokes

[Bazf]

Only the Paddys could do this
BELFAST, Northern Ireland - Although they've committed the world's biggest all-cash robbery in peacetime, the audacious raiders of a Belfast bank face an uphill struggle to use most of their $42 million haul — because their Northern Ireland-produced bills are easy to track and hard to spend.
"These guys saw bounty beyond their wildest dreams and loaded up on everything. But a lot of it is effectively toilet paper," Jeffrey Robinson, an expert on money laundering and international crime, said about Monday's raid on the central cash vault of Northern Bank. More than $25 million of the bills stolen were newly minted notes produced by Northern Bank itself. Most of the rest, police say, are used notes produced either by Northern or the other three major banks in this British territory.
While Northern Ireland-issued currency is officially British pounds sterling, other parts of the United Kingdom usually refuse to accept it — and most of the rest of the world barely recognizes the stuff.

[entwisi]

DEAR GENTLES AND LADYMEN OF ACCYWEB,

IT IS WITH A HEART FULL OF HOPE THAT I WRITE, SOLICITING FOR YOUR
STRICTCONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS
BEING CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET. YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED BY A FRIEND IN
FOREIGN OFFICE OF IRISH CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRIES, WHO ASSURED ME
OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITIY TO EXECUTE A TRANSACTION OF GREAT
MAGNITUDE.

I AM A LAWYER WITH SUE, GRABBIT & RUNNE, SOLICITORS TO THE LATE MR. SHEAMUS
O'FLAHERTY, BASED IN BELFAST, NORTHERN IRELAND. MR. O'FLAHERTY WAS RECENTLY
INVOLVED IN THE ROBBERY OF A PROMINENT BANK IN BELFAST BUT DIED ACCIDENTALLY
AT THE HANDS OF HIS ASSOCIATES AT THE GIGANTIC ****-UP AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL
COMPLETION OF THE REMOVAL OF £22 MILLION IN BANKNOTES.

SO, BY VIRTUE OF MY POSITION AS THE LAWYER OF THE DECEASED COMPANY, I HAVE
IN MY POSSESSION DOCUMENTS CONTAINING INFORMATION ABOUT THE LOCATION OF THE
MONEY WITH A SECURITY COMPANY IN BELFAST. THE COMPANY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE
SECURITY BOXES CONTAIN.

I HAVE PUT IN AN APPLICATION WITH THE SECURITY COMPANY TO TRANSFER THESE
BOXES TO THEIR CORRESPONDENCE OFFICE IN AMERICA OR EUROPE WHICH THEY HAVE
OBLIGED. AND BEING THAT THIS DEAL WAS BEEN CARRIED OUT BY FOREIGN FIRM, I
NEED A TRUSTWORTHY FOREIGNER LIKE YOU THAT WILL ASSIST ME TO A LOGICAL
CONCLUSION OF THIS PENDING BUSINESS WHICH BOTH OF US WILL BOUND TO BENEFIT
EARNESTLY. ALL I NEED FROM YOU IS TO STAND BEFORE THE SECURITY COMPANY AND
SIGN AS ONE OF EXPATRIATES TO ENABLE YOU cLAIM THE MONEY AND PAY IT INTO
YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

PLEASE, NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK-FREE, FOR EVERY MACHINERIES
HAS BEEN PUT IN PLACE FOR SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION. REMEMBER, THAT I HAVE WITH
ME ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS THAT WILL PROVE THAT THE MONEY IS FOR US. I
EXPECT YOU TO BE TRUSTWORTHY AND KIND ENOUGH TO KEEP MY OWN SHARE, WHEN THE
MONEY HIT YOUR ACCOUNT.

I HEREBY AGREE TO COMPENSATE YOUR SINCERE AND CANDID EFFORT IN THIS REGARD
WITH 25% OF THE FUND AFTER THE TRANSFER AND 5% (PERCENT) WILL BE SET ASIDE
FOR ANY EXPENSES BOTH LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL TRANSPORTATION, TELEPHONE
BILLS ETC. WILL BE SETTLED FROM THIS PERCENTAGE, WHILE 70% WILL BE FOR ME
AND TWO OF MY COLLEAGUES. THIS DEAL WILL BE CONCLUDED WITHIN SEVEN (7)
WORKING DAYS.

I WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU, AND SOLICIT YOUR
CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSACTION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS
PROPOSAL.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

PADDY O'DONOVAN.

NB: Please include your Tel & Fax NO. in your reply e-mail.