Keano v Fergie
 

What the players saw at training not what was reported....


Tim Howard: "I have never heard such filthy f***ing language. C***."
Wayne Rooney: "Sorry, Coleen's sold the exclusive rights to my version of events to Hello."

Rio Ferdinand: "Negotiations are ongoing about my contract and I hope to be able to make an announcement soon. I have never said that I want to leave Manchester United."

Alan Smith: "It was just a bit of friendly banter."

Gary Neville: "Sir and Roy were arguing because Sir let me put the cones out. I expect I shall be captain now."

Phil Neville: "I saw whatever Gary saw."

Paul Scholes: "I saw nothing. I'm not allowed out in the sun because I start looking like a slice of Battenburg cake."

Ryan Giggs: "The view wasn't good from the physio's room."

Ronaldo: "O homem da cara vermelha foi louco."

Kleberson was unavailable for comment after fleeing the country and returning to Brazil. He left a note saying: "I won ze World Cup, you know."

Ruud van Nistelrooy: "Neigh."


Of course, what Keano actually said was a selection of the following...

1) "You can stick the FA Cup up your bollix...Sir."

2) "You want f***ing respect? I have one word for you - Djemba Djemba."

3) "I didn't rate you as a f***ing player and I don't rate you as a f***ing manager - though to be fair I did before you signed Kleberson. Are you sure he won the f***ing World Cup, Sir? Mind you, I wasn't f***ing there because it was some other c*** fault."

4) "You're not even Irish, you English c***. Oh actually, I've got that wrong somewhere haven't I? F***, can I start again?"

5) "Take that, you c***."