Walcotts summer holiday

[Tealeaf]

What I did on my summer holiday
By Theo Walcott Esq aged 8 1/2

I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some othergrown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf usedto live withhis nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does livethere, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it willmake Uncle Owencry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and somemountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a sillyname, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, hismum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.
On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee andwants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so doesUncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne,Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle Davidtalks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wearsdresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Solgot me some pop.
In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad sayswe beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a longtime ago.
While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping withAuntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and gotherself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten anyand threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me playwith Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one ofher songs, I think she was telling fibs.I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then hebought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands onit.
All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so heplays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Solhappy, that's why I got taken on holiday.
The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden,Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talkto him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. UncleSven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss lastnight. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for aplaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books,he is rubbish at football though.
Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it gotbetter so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but Ido not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I shouldwhile we are here, they are too tight for me.All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head whostood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are allsaying thatwe have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to siton his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, Ithink.