Body confidence - Page 2

flashy · 09-10-2009, 07:52

when it comes down to it, we all like to look good, it makes us feel better if we at least make the effort.....i'm fat and i dont give a (insert bad word) if people don't like me as i am then thats their problem, yes i get down at times, but i never get down about my size....

life is for living, sod what anyone else thinks

live life for you (insert 4 letter expletive) the others

Margaret Pilkington · 09-10-2009, 08:12

I would not get naked on TV for anything......no amount of compliments would make me do it. Because I have eyes which tell me that elderly naked flesh is, well, not exactly repugnant, but close to it.

It is important to make people feel that they are more than just the sum of their looks, but I guess that society has been hoodwinked, led astray by the'beautiful people'........you know who I mean, those young men and women that the media and magazines love so much, that they give us a blow by blow account of their lives......and we fall for it.
I reckon it is because a lot of people can see(or perhaps, use their eyes would be better terminology) better than they can think....and I don't mean that in a derogatory way....just that they don't think about what their own lives give to the local community, their families, their friends.
They value themselves cheaply......that is the kind of situation that need to be addressed. People need to feel valued.

Gayle · 09-10-2009, 08:37

Groucho Marx said 'if you want to get a beautiful girl into bed tell her she's intelligent, and if you want to get an intelligent girl into bed tell her she's beautiful'.

Not strictly speaking relevant - but amusing.

And actually quite true in a lot of ways.

Confidence is based on a lot of things - how well you're doing with work/school, how other people respond to you and what they say, how comfortable you feel, how clever you feel, etc, etc. And yes, you might argue that some of those things are reactions to what other people feel about you but if you're getting negative reactions from people then it can chip away at someone's confidence.

There is no one fix suits all solution to 'lack of confidence'.

garinda · 09-10-2009, 10:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gayle

There is no one fix suits all solution to 'lack of confidence'.

Yes there is.

You can help someone to believe in their self worth, and to be proud of themselves, and their uniqueness.

If you're happy and confident in your own skin, what other people think about the way you look wouldn't matter one iota.

The ideal of what each society considers human beauty constantly evolves, but on the whole revolves around youth, which is wrong.

People of all ages can be beautiful, and that mainly comes from within.

Margaret Pilkington · 09-10-2009, 11:18

G.......you are spot on there......beautiful isn't entirely about what you look like....it is about who you believe yourself to be......self belief and confidence can make all the difference.

Gayle · 09-10-2009, 11:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

You can help someone to believe in their self worth, and to be proud of themselves, and their uniqueness.

Isn't that exactly the same as boosting their confidence, telling them that they're beautiful (and clever) and pointing out to them that they should believe in themselves because it's a good thing to believe in.

I think confidence is a two way thing - yes, you need to believe in yourself but also confidence can be given to you. How many times have you done something and been a bit tentative about it until someone has said, 'you're doing a good job' or 'that's worth doing'. That endorsement is all it takes to give you the confidence to carry on.

You can't suddenly become confident overnight. You can't look in a mirror and say 'hey, I'm not hideous looking, perhaps I shouldn't worry so much about it'. But, if someone came up to you and said, 'you look good today' or 'that dress/shirt suits you', it gives you the confidence.

garinda · 09-10-2009, 11:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gayle

Isn't that exactly the same as boosting their confidence

No, because it isn't focused on their outward appearance.

Gayle · 09-10-2009, 12:10

But for a lot of people their confidence is based on the way they look. Yes, it's superficial and yes they probably have 100 more issues underneath but helping them build their confidence up is important.

As I said, self worth/belief in yourself is probably based on a lot of other things - ability to do their job/school, relationships, capabilities etc as well as looks. But this thread started off talking about body issues - the way to help someone get over their body issues is to give them confidence by boosting their confidence and telling them they look good.

Tealeaf · 09-10-2009, 12:22

[quote=Gayle;751853]Groucho Marx said 'if you want to get a beautiful girl into bed tell her she's intelligent, and if you want to get an intelligent girl into bed tell her she's beautiful'.

quote]

Why bother with the small talk? Just tell her you want to go to bed with her.

garinda · 09-10-2009, 12:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gayle

...the way to help someone get over their body issues is to give them confidence by boosting their confidence and telling them they look good.

I disagree.

You can give them the confidence to realise that what other people think about the way they look isn't important.

Strangely in societies where hunger is a more pressing issue, very few people have this problem.

Reinforcing vunerable egos, by constantly commenting how someone looks, is papering over the cracks.

Making them realise they should be proud, regardless of outward appearances, and they won't care about 'body issues'.

Issue over.

Gayle · 09-10-2009, 12:48

So what would you say to someone who was lacking the confidence to realise that what other people think isn't important? What would you say to make them feel proud?

garinda · 09-10-2009, 13:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gayle

So what would you say to someone who was lacking the confidence to realise that what other people think isn't important?

That how they look isn't of the utmost importance.

What society decides is beautiful is very transient.

People should be made to realise they are worth more than their looks alone.

Constantly telling someone that their appearance is pleasing, does nothing to improve a long time feeling of self worth.

Margaret Pilkington · 09-10-2009, 13:03

Sometimes people can make you feel proud without realising that they are doing this.....and it isn't necessarily by paying you a compliment about how you look.

Some people look confident but are a shaking wreck inside....they just have the ability to cover it well.
There is no 'one size fits all' solution to solving problems of confidence......every person will have their own insecurities about something, and no matter how much you try to tell them that their bum isn't big......if they have decided they think it is, it will be very hard to rid them of that idea

mumtotwo · 09-10-2009, 13:50

Well this thread kind of took off

Right my experience is, until Sept of last year,i wouldnt be seen naked by my husband and my confidence was none existant. I thought i was fat and ugly, i was desperatly trying to loose weight while doing weight watchers and i didnt have a mirror in the house!
Now i like who i am,i have a big mirror in my room and can look in it and i think i look good. I no longer let the way i look control my life.
And do you know why, because i had a friend who shared some words of wisdom with me and maybe i sucked some of her confidence from her aswell. (if she reads this she will know who im talking about)

And thats what the kids of today need, they need some one to talk to them about there body issues and get them to realise it doesnt matter what shape or size you are, Love yourself, because thats what makes you happy!
I tell my daughter every morning when im doing her hair that she looks beautiful because i dont want her to have the teenage years i had!

katex · 09-10-2009, 14:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

That how they look isn't of the utmost importance.

Constantly telling someone that their appearance is pleasing, does nothing to improve a long time feeling of self worth.

You're right Garinda ... has been extremely difficult believing everybody ...

MUMTOTWO !!! May I be the next to boost your confidence .. you have a lovely smile, great hair ... what the 'hell' is wrong with your figure or face ?? I took to you the first time I met you because ... not only do you have an outside beauty ...but the inner one that shone out to me immediately and I am sure to the customers you served in your previous employment. Can't believe that you were having such ridiculous thoughts behind all that !!

As for adding a self-esteem programme to the school curriculum .. not sure yet .. will have to ponder. Maybe a programme on how to make the 'best of what you have got, for all shapes and sizes' ... seems wrong to promote as trying to offer therapy for low self-esteem .. doesn't start out well if you understand ..