Child Access - What Do You Think?

[elubird]

This is a question aimed at any parents on this forum. Currently iam having to fight for access to see my 7 month old son. His mother and i split up before he was born which only made things harder.

I did see him 3 times a week but since i refused to accept anymore financial extortion my ex wife cut the contact down to 3 hours a week and only after 5 weeks of my not seeing the child and various legal threats.

My question is how many hours would you think is practical and sensible when it comes to access?, it hard to step out of the box so i thought i would ask people who would think more constructivly than me!.

Thanks for any help :-)

[derekgas]

I know a drug dealing/using alcoholic ex con who gets more time with his offspring than this, by order of a court, this is after he didnt bother with contact for 3 years, and has never paid a penny towards thier upkeep, the courts these days almost always allow weekend access because of the importance of contact with both parents as prescribed by social services.

[Neil]

I would not put a figure of hours on it. I would expect her to allow you to have him whenever you can within reason. She should be pleased you want access many fathers don't want. Then again many mothers turn into complete cows when it comes to access. They use the child as a weapon against the fathers. They punish the child for what happened between the parents.

It would be reasonable to expect you to have your son over night and all weekend if you would like to.

What do you class as financial extortion? Do you work? Does she? Are the CSA involved?

Yes I am nosey but I have been in your situation. Thank fully that is all behind me and my ex wife. I can have my eldest 2 almost whenever I want. My problem now is work and the distance they live away - 300 mile trip to collect and take them home again afterwards.

[West Ender]

Has your ex-wife been to Court to get a maintenance order or do you make voluntary payments? It is quite normal for payments to be about 25% of any income above £100 so, if you earn say £300 a week, £50 a week maintenance would be about the figure the CSA would impose.

Who cut your access to 3 hours a week? Was it the Court or just your ex-wife? If she did it through the Court, what reason did she give?

I don't think anyone, least of all me, can judge or even give an opinion without knowing all the facts. I really hope you can work it out with your ex-wife, no child should be a pawn, or a weapon, in a battle over maintenance which is what this sounds like. That baby must be the priority in all this, he's entirely innocent.

[lancsdave]

You apply for whatever access you want and let the court decide if it should be any different.

[emzy]

Personally I think you should seek preofessional legal advice. You pay maintenance for you upkeep of your child, not for visiting rights. I let the boys father see and have them whenever he wants to (he has them at least 1 night a week depending on work commitments etc) despite what happened between us, the boys have a right to see and spend time with their father and I am all for that.

Find a good solicitor and see what they say about the situation, it may not need to go to court, your ex may agree to something through the solicitors but either way it would seem that you need something official in this case if she is not allowing more contact with your child

[jaysay]

I fought tooth and nail many years ago to see my kids when my first marriage broke up, its sole destroying. I paid volunterally until the court set a figure, but even then I had problems with access I never ever got to see all three kids at one time, one or two were always ill, funny really that they have now grown up fit and healthy young women

[elubird]

Thanks for the replies and for the PM's.

I did get to see him for 3 hours today so thats good.

The access of 3 hours was decided by my ex wife, not the courts, she is trying everything to avoid the courts. Well delay things i should say, such as suggesting mediation then saying she does not want it etc.

I have paid 33% of my wage since the child was born, i keep paying the same figure even though i was made redunant last month.

The mother works.

I think family court it is, just heard so many horror stories of it being anti male etc.

[MITZY]

I know of a couple the wife was just the same, when it went to court custody was granted to the father because of unreasonable behaviour on the mothers part, so not all courts are anti male.

[MargaretR]

I met many women in her position during my work at Dss.
Many had been victims of domestic violence and genuinely feared their former partner.
Avoiding any contact with them was their only defence.
They gained nothing whether maintenance was paid or not - just needed no contact in order to forget a harrowing past.

[lancsdave]

Originally Posted by elubird

I think family court it is, just heard so many horror stories of it being anti male etc.

Years ago that may have been true, best way to avoid those stories is not to listen to Fathers 4 Justice.

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by lancsdave

Years ago that may have been true, best way to avoid those stories is not to listen to Fathers 4 Justice.

For me they do themselves more harm than good dave

[elubird]

Originally Posted by MargaretR

I met many women in her position during my work at Dss.
Many had been victims of domestic violence and genuinely feared their former partner.
Avoiding any contact with them was their only defence.
They gained nothing whether maintenance was paid or not - just needed no contact in order to forget a harrowing past.

There was no domestic violence in my marriage, just the issue of an affair discovered on news years eve. And i was the innocent party. Its like being caught between a rock & a hard place. I guess time will tell.

[katex]

Originally Posted by lancsdave

Years ago that may have been true, best way to avoid those stories is not to listen to Fathers 4 Justice.

Oh hek no ! Don't want one of our members doing a sit in on Peter Britcliffe's roof ..

I don't see a problem for you Elubird, providing your character is not 'stained', and the facilities for the child are safe whilst you have your son in your care. Feel that the courts are well aware now that a father has rights too.

Once you have got decent custody, please do not let him down .. it's heartbreaking to see a child waiting at the window and the parent does not turn up.

Best of luck.

[panther]

She should be glad ya wanna know!!!

Most dead beat dads have never seen their kids

She needs her head seeing too, the daft sod!

I wish ya luck mate