Does it hurt as much to be a Grandparent?

LancYorkYankee · 27-08-2006, 03:58

Some days this parenting thing really hurts eh? Like today my 16 year old and her first serious boyfriend (~15 months broke up), my eldest son is finishing up Marine bootcamp then he'll be off, yesterday my 13 year old got hurt in his first Cross Country race, plus my wife was wicked ill all day.

Okay, I know not anything too serious but man, this thing with my daughter had my heart wrenching all day. As the dad, I've gotta show that "stiff upper lip" (okay, she leaned on me through a movie and knows I care). I just hate to see em go through things I had to go through. Neither my parents, nor my wife's, ever had a clue or a care about any of their kids feelings and emotions in these types of areas.

Do you guys think we boomer parents are a bit more emotionally attached (NOT as far as spoiling em here) then our parents were? Is being a grandparent a bit easier?

I know I'm sounding kinda weak and snivelly, which is not at all in my nature. Heck it's almost tomorrow and thought I might "share" this issue with my Accy "mates."

Brian

P.S. hey Mez, thanks so much for the thought! It still kills me that I didn't let you buy me that pint ya know!

katex · 27-08-2006, 12:32

Understand what you are saying here, it certainly does hurt when someone casts your offspring aside .. how dare they not see what you see!! No good saying 'plenty more fish in the sea' .. has no effect at this moment in time. Just to recognise their hurt is best. That's the down side of having children, isn't it ? The worry, etc., never stops.

As to grandchildren, well, I have been involved with my Grandaughter more than most Grandmas and, no, doesn't seem to affect me quite the same way, sort of once removed somehow. Seemed to be able to work out that it will be OK more, have more sympathy for my daughter who is feeling the hurt of grandaughter being hurt .. 'course could be just me.

accymel · 27-08-2006, 12:45

Oh gawd i know the feeling, when they said being a parent was the hardest thing - they were damn right! lol But yeah i think every generation has points about their childhood that they see they mustn't inflict on the next & in cases some do repeat patterns. If your parents were un-emotionally connected with you as a child that upset you so then you find that when yours came along that you engaged more emotonally with them so not to cause the pain you suffered or the rejection or lack of understanding you felt then....if you get me

.

Same said if you lost a mum or a dad in your life {died or left] then for your kids you would make every emeanable attempt your kids would have that parent in their lives more important. People that watched their parents suffer to stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids only - dont do that to their kids. if you were poor as a child & did without then you would probably spoil your kids more by giving them what you hadn't - i think thats more of the issue as to what im saying - its all about giving your offspring better than you had - whether its right or wrong we dont know till they grow up i'suppose.

Interesting thread Lancyorkyankee i wondered much the same thing - always questioning am i doing right here certainly with regards to my offspring, so presuming we are normal then hehehehehe

Margaret Pilkington · 27-08-2006, 13:31

I agree with Katex here.......I have been involved with my daughters little boy since he was four months old...........I had him almost full time when my daughter was pregnant with her second child as she was severely incapacitated by a medical condition.....OK I haven't got to the emotional problems bit yet, as he is only two and a half.....but I think the experiences with your own childrens emotional ups and downs helps you to know that it will all turn out OK, and if they do need more help....then as long as they know they can get it and you can show you'll be there for them....that's all they need......and to be honest it IS all you can do.
Oh, and I never EVER call myself that horrible G word......I am Margaret!

garinda · 27-08-2006, 14:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I agree with Katex here.......I have been involved with my daughters little boy since he was four months old...........I had him almost full time when my daughter was pregnant with her second child as she was severely incapacitated by a medical condition.....OK I haven't got to the emotional problems bit yet, as he is only two and a half.....but I think the experiences with your own childrens emotional ups and downs helps you to know that it will all turn out OK, and if they do need more help....then as long as they know they can get it and you can show you'll be there for them....that's all they need......and to be honest it IS all you can do.
Oh, and I never EVER call myself that horrible G word......I am Margaret!

From reading your blog I know you are the best g.................er, Margaret in the world.

I can only write as an off spring of what I consider two wonderful parents. There are no rule books when it comes to raising a family, but instinct along with lots of love, seemed to work quite well in our home.

grannyclaret · 27-08-2006, 16:01

As i have no daughters ,i cant comment on that one,,,but you sound like the perfect dad to me....Just be there with a shoulder to cry on for all your children....DONT interfere, but make sure they know you are with them,,I realy hope things get better soon,,, and then you can share their

good times too...

Remember they will always be your little kids ,no matter how old they get,

junetta · 27-08-2006, 22:55

I think it does. I have four, Jamie, she'll be twelve next month, Martin, ten two days later, little Maisie, she's three and the baby, our Tully, just about eighteen months.

Now that I live in Spain I don't see them as much as I would like but I share their ups and downs via the phone and the internet. I find that Jamie and Martin talk to me more than their mum ever did!

I'm Nana and proud to be so.

Here's three of them x

LancYorkYankee · 27-08-2006, 23:48

Okay, you guys caught me in a late night weak moment. Actually, I'm glad I kinda opened up there. It's not something I'd chat up with "my mates." We're all much better today. It's amazing what a day in a good church can do for ya!

The thing with this is the emotional aspect. Annie had a stroke when she was only 10. I was a rock through every test, exam, blood-drawing, shots, more tests, etc. Annie was very strong too (my wife was an absolute wreck for the 3 months). After one blood drawing, where the nurse kept poking and proding searching for the vein, I asked Annie if it hurt. "Yeah daddy, alot!" I asked "why didn't you cry?" Her reply "cause I wanted to show you how tough I am!"

Made ME want to cry. I DID NOT want to be like my dad in that area. Got to explain that it's okay and expected that you cry sometimes! Okay, I'm blabbing again. She ended up fine, at that age the brain is able to rework itself around the dead spot she has in her brain.

I guess it's the same with the heart when we get hurt eh gang?

Brian

LancYorkYankee · 27-08-2006, 23:51

Hi Margaret, why don't you like the G. word? I'm really looking forward to being called Grampa. To me it's such an endearing term. Just curious!

Brian

junetta · 27-08-2006, 23:54

Oh, Brian, poor Annie xx

Margaret Pilkington · 28-08-2006, 11:57

I can't tell you HOW much I hate that word....it has caused endless friction between hubby and me......though my daughter (who perhaps should be hurt by my dislike of the word, doesn't mind one bit) It isn't anything to do with age....it is as if I am to be defined by a role that I NEVER thought I would be....and truly never WANTED to be.
I don't consider myself to be child friendly.....and I am being really honest here......I never really wanted children, and I only had one to appease my husband (bad reason, I know) I never liked babies and if someone came within a couple of feet of me with a babe in arms I would get as far away as possible. I never coo and gurgle over babies.......having said that I approach it with the same commitment you would have with a job....and I do the very best that I can. It has been very hard for me to adapt....and but for me changing how I view the role, I COULD have made my life very miserable.

We aren't all cut out to be mothers, and I wasn't cut out from the soft cuddly cloth that those G people are made from......I'm scratchy and tough......that's just how it is!

Margaret Pilkington · 28-08-2006, 12:00

Oh, yeah Brian....it is a bit like grey hair....on Men it is distinguished, but on women it is ageing....that's how it is with the G thing!

ANNE · 28-08-2006, 20:58

We have to go through the agonies of being a parent to receive the joy's of being a grand-parent.
I am proud to be a grandparent. Being a Nana and Grandma is simply the best thing in the world.

HopeRules · 06-09-2006, 15:54

I too look forward to being a grandparent. Raising the children safely and protecting them from the evils of this world is a challenge. I again rely on my faith and knowing they are in God's hands. I know they will still get hurt physically and emotionally, but I hope they will grow in their trust in Christ's protection.

Peter

WillowTheWhisp · 06-09-2006, 18:13

I'm a grandmother by marriage. My own are too young to have their own children yet. When I married Busman his granddaughter asked me if that made me her great grandma!!

I know what it's like feeling the pain your kids feel. I hate it when anyone hurts either of mine, emotionally or physically. Just wish I could take the hurt away from them. I remember when Mimi was tiny and she had to have a blood sample taken. She was too young to understand why someone was hurting her and afterwards I cuddled her and told her it was all over. But it wasn't. They hadn't got enough blood and needed to take some more. I felt terrible that she had to go through the whole thing again.

Mind you she is a toughie too. What she went through with her accident I can't begin to imagine the pain she was in then.