Hitting a women

[Accyexplorer]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

See, Accyexplorer...it is brave to run away.

Hmmm, it's all well and good Lucysgirl saying do the Ali shuffle, then this move,and that move.
What about those of us that are bad on the old pins?

Like I've said in previous posts, always try to avoid confrontation/violence.
Sometimes though, it's not that simple.

[Accyexplorer]

For those who are interested, here is a collection of interesting clips.

[Lucysgirl]

Some of those clips remind me of the time a boyfriend and I were walking passed a very long cinema queue and I spotted a couple in the queue who were having a barney and the chap was being very aggressive towards his girlfriend/wife and nobody was taking any notice ... I immediately stepped towards them to intervene but boyfriend pulled me back saying not to - "but he's hitting her - dooo something" ...
"Leave them to sort themselves out", was his response. I didn't date him again. However, I now think he was right.

I would have intervened in two of the staged sequences:

(1) because it looked to me as though the man was trying to drag the woman off somewhere and who's to know if he had a sexual intent, and

(2) Where the woman was obviously a very timid person.

[Accyexplorer]

I suppose folk have to weigh up the pro's and con's before stepping into a potentially violent situation (sometimes just the threat of ringing the police is enough).

As far as your companion is concerned,was he right to say don't step in?
I think if you can help one person who's being attacked or abused its a small victory and being quite isn't the answer (I know, it cost me a tooth).
A lot of violence however, doesn't happen on the street it happens (at home) behind closed doors.
Perhaps like violence, my grammar is a crime and I should just be quite

[Margaret Pilkington]

You are right when you say that a lot of the violence happens behind closed doors......and much of this is covered up by the victim...who often will make excuses for her violent partner...believing it, in some way, to be her fault.
Often children will not see the violence, but they will see the effects of the violence.
Pehaps the woman flinches when her partner is near her......they may also see the physical effects of such violence. Children can be badly affected by such things..again believing that in some way they are to blame.
Domestic abuse/violence is insidious and damaging both mentally and physically.......the people who perpetrate it(both men and women) are bullies and cowards who enjoy the power of controlling someone.

[Margaret Pilkington]

While in my last post I implied that victims of abuse were female.....there is an increase in the number of men who are subjected to abuse......but the methods used are just the same. There is never an excuse for domestic abuse.
Implying that the abuser is in some way damaged as a result of what they have been subjected to in their past doesn't really stand up to scrutiny.

If you have been a victim, or a witness to domestic abuse then surely your experience should make you less likely to be an abuser because the pain and suffering it causes has been experienced first hand.

[Accyexplorer]

Children witness domestic violence in many different forms. For example, they may get caught in the middle (trying to stop mum/dad being abused) .
They may hear verbal/physical abuse from a different room,they may even see mum/dad with a "panda eye" or "fat lip" my point is like Margaret says the children that witness domestic violence are being (emotionally) abused themselves.

Here is a interesting read for those who wish to know more.
Domestic violence - its effects on children: information for parents, carers and anyone who works with young people

[Margaret Pilkington]

The link is very informative and enlightening......and it underpins much of what has been said in thread.

[Lucysgirl]

Originally Posted by Accyexplorer

I suppose folk have to weigh up the pro's and con's before stepping into a potentially violent situation (sometimes just the threat of ringing the police is enough).

A lot of violence however, doesn't happen on the street it happens (at home) behind closed doors.

It was all of 20 years ago on a warm sultry late afternoon and through my open window I could hear shrieks and laughter from the nearby watering hole and the childish chatter and giggles of children playing out on the rec. My elder son paid me a surprise visit, deposited his dog and said "Hang on, I'll be back in a minute" then he was gone.

I followed the dog out into the garden where he enjoyed a bowl of water and I enjoyed the late sun, the sound of the birds and happy chatter but it was noticeable the shrieks had ceased.

Son returned not too long afterwards when I gathered that he knew the girl who'd recently bought a nearby house and seeing the door was open he'd gone in to investigate the shrieks. He found a chap playing "ten bells of hell" on a girl who boarded with his friend and after remarking that no man should hit a woman, he challenged Bully Boy to "Try me for size". Apparently the offender made quite a good floor cloth.

Both the girls moved away a few months afterwards and I don't know if the victim ever saw the floor cloth again.

[Accyexplorer]

Originally Posted by Lucysgirl

He found a chap playing "ten bells of hell" on a girl who boarded with his friend and after remarking that no man should hit a woman, he challenged Bully Boy to "Try me for size".

Nice little story.

Do you think your son would/should of stepped in if it was the girl playing "ten bells of hell" on the bloke? Or

Do you think that he may of thought the guy must deserve his beating and left them to it?

[Eric]

Here's something that maybe worth considering ... anyway, and interesting read.

Ottawa Humane Society - The Violence Connection

[Margaret Pilkington]

Again, it's the bully who wants to feel control over a sentient being that he/she feels they can act against because they are weaker and defenceless.
Interesting link Eric.

[Accyexplorer]

"If animals are at risk, people are at risk and if people are at risk, animals are at risk"
Very interesting indeed, I wasn't aware there was a "link" between folk that mistreat animals and folk that are violent towards other folk, Nice one

[Lucysgirl]

Originally Posted by Accyexplorer

Nice little story.

Do you think your son would/should of stepped in if it was the girl playing "ten bells of hell" on the bloke? Or

Do you think that he may of thought the guy must deserve his beating and left them to it?

As Bryan and I would both "Jaw, Jaw, Jaw" first, I'm pretty confident that our son would do the same whatever the circumstance. We taught our offspring the same principles and values which were taught to us - one of them being "count to ten before you act in haste/anger" . All circumstances are different aren't they? Being drunk and aggressive is different from being sober and aggressive for instance.

Breaking news on TV; a 15 year old pupil has just stabbed a female teacher to death. Can we compare today's generation to my and my son's generations?

[Lucysgirl]

Eric said: <<Here's something that maybe worth considering ... anyway, and interesting read.>>

Yes, very interesting and I heard it voiced recently on TV too.... and for those who questioned my son's actions I think that as dog owners and we were adopted by a stray cat plus at various times also kept scores of tiny furry animals might just soften the opinion of others