I should have gone fishing ...

Eric · 04-04-2012, 20:33

Just wondering if any of you can bring to mind some little thing you wished, in light of later events, that would have done. Nothing earth-shattering, or profoundly important, just some little thing ... something which at the time didn't seem all that important.

Yesterday, my friend Rick died of cancer. He was an avid fisherman and an animal lover. In his obit, mention is given to his great dogs, Lord Parker, and Sir Winston. They will miss him. I still remember his e-mails, which often featured "guy stuff", and which lately had the warning on them: "Always wear sun screen" ... he died of skin cancer. Anyway, none of this is all that important to you guys. It's the fishing thing that makes me feel sad and a little guilty. Last year, Rick asked me if I wanted to go fishing with him and his brother. Of course, I said "yes". Rick didn't drink; so, his brother and I could fish and drink beer while he operated the boat. Something came up. Can't even remember what it was. I cancelled out. And now I really regret it. For some reason or other, I'd never gone out with Rick on his boat. I should have gone fishing.

DaveinGermany · 04-04-2012, 20:48

Nice, as to the sunscreen, oddly enough that was on the radio in the wagon this morning. The sentiments & points are just as valid now as they were then, a truly timeless piece.

Margaret Pilkington · 04-04-2012, 20:48

I'm sorry to hear of the death of your friend.......and it is normal in situations like this to reflect back on things you wish you had done......like the fishing trip.

My enduring regrets(I have two of them) relate to the death of my father.
He died some 20 years ago and although I would never say we were close(well, not in a touchy, feely sort of way) I think of him every day.
He died ten days after being diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer(yes he was a smoker).
Ma didn't want him to be told of his diagnosis - so he wasn't. This made it practically impossible to tell him all the things I wish I had told him. I think he knew he was dying, but dying was never mentioned - as a nurse, this felt very dishonest to me...but I could not go against Ma's wishes.

My second regret was not going with my mother and my sister to Ronda in Spain(a place he loved) to scatter his ashes. I told them I couldn't take time off work(I never asked for time off - if I had, I'm sure I would have got it)...but the reality was, I was a coward and felt I couldn't deal with the emotions that such a trip would entail.

garinda · 05-04-2012, 06:43

I'm so sorry, to hear about your buddy Eric.

I know what great mates you were.

My condolences.

My wish is to do with water too.

The last summer before my Dad died I met my parents on holiday down in Dorset. My Dad had his boat down there, and it was perfect weather, mill pond calm, for water-skiing.

He needed me to drive the boat, if he wanted to ski.

I did, a few times. But he would have known by my attitude that it was done under sufferance. It makes me feel so ashamed, when I think of it now.

The following spring, as he lay dying at home, I told him to hang on, and we'd go water-skiing together at Easter, and have a great time together.

I never got that chance, as he died that night, with all of us, his family, surrounding him on the bed.

I'd give anything to go out in the boat with him again, and show him that I was there willingly.

A small thing to do, that would have made a good man very happy.

Eric · 06-04-2012, 21:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

I'm so sorry, to hear about your buddy Eric.

I know what great mates you were.

My condolences.

My wish is to do with water too.

The last summer before my Dad died I met my parents on holiday down in Dorset. My Dad had his boat down there, and it was perfect weather, mill pond calm, for water-skiing.

He needed me to drive the boat, if he wanted to ski.

I did, a few times. But he would have known by my attitude that it was done under sufferance. It makes me feel so ashamed, when I think of it now.

The following spring, as he lay dying at home, I told him to hang on, and we'd go water-skiing together at Easter, and have a great time together.

I never got that chance, as he died that night, with all of us, his family, surrounding him on the bed.

I'd give anything to go out in the boat with him again, and show him that I was there willingly.

A small thing to do, that would have made a good man very happy.

A litany of regret is part of what makes us human. Fortunately, it ain't the whole. Rick was cremated ... a private ceremony: Shirley, his mom, and his siblings. Tomorrow, there will be a celebration of his life. I think it might turn out to be a good time. And, I'm going to make a serious bid on his boat.

And after the Easter break, I'm going to make a donation to the Kingston Humane Society in his name. That was one of his requests. The other one, of course, was a donation to the Canadian Cancer Society.

cashman · 06-04-2012, 22:37

I have Eric from when i was 15, beat meself up oer it fer 30 yrs or so, Have no intention to post it on here, But it was a real Bitch, Don't be too hard on yerself mate, it aint worth it.

Margaret Pilkington · 07-04-2012, 06:36

Cashy, we are moulded by life experiences.....and there is always someone worse off anyway.
It is how we deal with the things that life throws at us, that makes us who we are...it humbles us. Makes us realise that there are some things we can never be in full control of....however much we like to think we are.
And the fact that you have told Eric not to beat himself up over it, after telling us that that is what you have done for 30 years.......is something of a lesson.
Respect to you Cashy.

MargaretR · 07-04-2012, 10:07

Living without regrets is possible and desirable.

As time passes, what seems a 'bad decision' eventually proves to be just a life learning experience, which is our reason for living.

Move from regret to acceptance of your life mistakes - they make you what you are - human.

Margaret Pilkington · 07-04-2012, 13:22

I don't think there is a choice...once you have made your mistake(if that is what you want to call it) then you have to learn to live with your decision. sometimes living with it is the alternative to accepting it....we cannot go back and change it, we can only hope to learn from it.

garinda · 07-04-2012, 16:07

I have no regrets, happily.

Given the choice again I would have driven my Dad's boat more willingly, whilst he did his beloved water skiing.

I've no regrets because my Dad knew me well, and loved and accepted me as I am.

Warts and all.