Witty Ripostes and insults....

[MargaretR]

I'm no saint, I agree, but I don't retaliate as a matter of course - only when I think I can raise a smile in some people that I respect.

How about this one

[Margaret Pilkington]

And there are times when you have made me grin.
Maybe because the respect is mutual.

[Sunflower49]

Originally Posted by MargaretR

I prefer to think that non retaliation is more civilized.

If you choose to think that the person insulted is unaware, you are kidding yourself.

Some people really have no idea! Practice bewilderment whilst asking what other people are laughing at. I quite likely find situations more often than a lot of others though, just the circles I find myself in.

Originally Posted by Eric

If that's the worst thing, what's the best I do think there is a great deal of pleasure in the creative insult ... and isn't it much better than "You @#$% #$%%^ *#^&#% -ing idiot"?

Totally yes-I tend to not that sort of response unless there really is no other lol
I suppose I should have said 'The only bad thing!'

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I think the pleasure is knowing that they have no idea you have just insulted them.

Originally Posted by cashman

That is Number 1.

I agree that's what makes them quotable and funny

[walkinman221]

Another i like is Winston Churchill to Lady Astor ( i think ) she said "Sir if you were my husband i would poison your tea " to which he replied " Madam if you were my wife i would drink it" . Top drawer or what?

[MoreJoe]

I never forget a face.
But in your case I'll make an exception.
-Groucho Marx

[Balbus]

George Bernard Shaw sending 2 tickets for the first night of his new play to Winston Churchill - "bring a friend if you have one". Winston in reply: "Can't make the opening night, shall come to the second night - if there is one".

[yerself]

During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 17."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "**** you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that too."

[churchfcrules]

probably a bit crude, but "fanny like a ripped out fireplace" makes me chuckle

[gynn]

My mother once described a relative to me as 'having a face like a smacked bottom'.

(That's the clean version!)

[Margaret Pilkington]

another one that is a bit more refined() 'gob like a roven pocket'

[cashman]

Teeth like snooker balls, only needs a white un fer set.

[churchfcrules]

Bulldog licking push of a thistle

[Margaret Pilkington]

face like a joss ar5ed baboon....face like a melted welly...face like a ruptured custard...just a few to denote a 'homely' person.

[accyman]

when about to be set upon in a pub shout very loudly " dont hit me ill get an errection"

the look on their face is priceless

[Sunflower49]

We're just being smutty now

The bulldog/thistle one I hear a muckier version of all the time.

You don't want to hear some of the stuff I hear said at work! (Only an observer, of course) !