Witty Ripostes and insults....

[Margaret Pilkington]

Eric brought up a topic which I think might have some mileage in it....the application of a witty riposte......or an insult.

Have you got a favourite?

Mine? You're not the ugliest chap ah've ever sin(seen), but tha favvers 'im.

[flashy]

Lol like that one Marg

[Margaret Pilkington]

thanks Shaz......it was my grandads really, but I have to say it came in very handy when I was single.....millions of years ago

[sm_counsell]

Margaret, you got my brain working! I 'll be up all night trying to remember some replies.
I can't remember who used to say this but I have an idea it was rather sarcastic teacher

"Don't let your mind wander, its too small to go out alone"

[Retlaw]

Say to some one who is trying to act posh & show you up.

Does thi mam still tek washin in fut neighbours.
or
Wern't thi wife a scrubber at Co-op Lanundry.

[Margaret Pilkington]

keep them coming...I love 'em.

[MargaretR]

There are numerous websites listing them.

I like the cartoon ones and use them sometimes.

[cashman]

For someone threatening to visit= Pop round any time..........I'll leave the curtains open. or Thanks fer the warning.

[MargaretR]

This really happened to me -

"So you are Maggie, and you remind me of Thatcher"

I replied - 'You look like a Richard"

[Gordon Booth]

Remember when I was a student two others talking. One, who hadn't got a girlfriend and was obviously very jealous of the other having a seriously good looking one, made a very rude remark about her.
'No', said the other without showing any anger,' she's not a prostitute but if she was she'd be a damn good one and you couldn't afford her anyway'.

[Sunflower49]

I love this thread-I use them often at work. I also am quite often victim to that horrible feeling you get when you think of something you should have said, after the moment has gone, though!
I use them in jest as well. I have one of those horrid senses of humour.

I like it when somebody says "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes, that's why I don't go there any longer!"

"Sure, I'll help you out. Which way did you come in?"

"I know you!"
"Yes, I'm a nurse at the STD clinic."


"Can I have your number?"
"Yes, I'm in the 'phone book."

"What's your surname then?"
"That's in the book too."....

[DaveinGermany]

When faced with sarky jobsworths or officialdom, I usually apply the following :-

I wanted to do this job once but didn't get in.

Why ? Not clever enough/couldn't pass the tests ?

Nah mate, when I told 'em me parents were married ...........

OR

I'm special me !

Aye, course you are mate, now stop pishing on yer boots & licking the windas there's a good lad !

So it's not PC, but it's a damn good put down.

[shillelagh]

Originally Posted by cashman

For someone threatening to visit= Pop round any time..........I'll leave the curtains open. or Thanks fer the warning.

thats what i say to you when you come to visit ...

[Eric]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Eric brought up a topic which I think might have some mileage in it....the application of a witty riposte......or an insult.

Have you got a favourite?

Mine? You're not the ugliest chap ah've ever sin(seen), but tha favvers 'im.

I once heard something similar about Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. Moose Jaw isn't the asshole of the world, but you can smell it from there.

One I have used myself ... You have the IQ of a salad bar.

[cashman]

Originally Posted by shillelagh

thats what i say to you when you come to visit ...

Who did yeh learn that off?