Aggravating things about men!

[lindsay ormerod]

Why do...
Men put the empty milk bottle back in the fridge?
Take the last thing of a plate in fridge and leave the plate there?
Sniff their socks when they take them off?
Scratch their wotsits first thing in the morning before even opening their eyes?
Never replace an empty toilet roll with a new one?
Throw things pathetically at bins and look astounded when they miss?
Use every pan and utensil in the house when they "cook"?
Answers on a postcard please.....

[lettie]

I don't think the world posesses enough web space to list all the aggravating things about men....

[ellie]

Totally agreee there Lettie.

When they have scratched their wotsist they smell their hand? why?
Why do they laugh when they fart?

[lettie]

Why do they fluff the duvet??????

[Len]

.................................................. ..................

[ellie]

Why do they brag about going to the toilet?

[lettie]

Why do they leave dirty clothes on the floor, then complain that they've no clean clothes????
Why do they never ask directions, but are happy to drive round in circles for ages pretending they know where they're going and hoping you won't notice that they don't?

Why do they never read instruction manuals??

[ellie]

Why do they never look properly, then find what they were looking for under their nose

[Sara]

Why do they never know how to work a washing machine?

Why do they always insist they don't know how to work the video machine, but somehow they know when they want to tape football?

Why do they have to weigh their pockets down with change, then not know how to sew up the holes they make?

[lettie]

If they have actually managed to hoover up, why do they never put the hoover away, but leave it in the middle of the living room until you come home, then say 'look! I've hoovered' (big deal!)

[ellie]

why do they always have to be right?

[lettie]

Why, on a night out, do they urinate in back alleys or on the steps of the register office (seen that twice in a month, it's like Niagara Falls down them steps on a friday night) when there is a toilet in the nearest pub about 10 feet away???

[ellie]

never go to the doctors and admit when they are ill?

[lettie]

. "I can't find it."
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am
completely clueless.

2. "That's women's work."
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.

3. "Will you Marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my housemates have moved out, I can't find the
washing machine, and there's no beer left.

4. "It's a man thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?

6. "It would take too long to explain."
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

7. "I'm getting more exercise lately."
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.

8. "We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

10. "That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?

11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

12. "You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

13. "It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and tits.

14. "You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of A-Team, the address
of the first girl I kissed, and the number plate of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them in the shop was a real babe, and
was wearing a bikini thong.

16. "Oh, don't worry, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before
admitting I'm hurt.

17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: What did you catch me at?

18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my tea.

19. "I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope
I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days
yelling at me.

20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could
be worse.

21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

22. "I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free lighter night with every 5 beers.

23. "I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my socks, the kids are hungry, and we're
out of toilet paper.

24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my car.

26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of cocking it up without printed
directions.

[janet]

If you kiss him, you are easy
If you don't, you are frigid
If you praise him, he thinks you are fake
If you don't, he thinks you are ungrateful
If you agree to all his likes, you are submissive
If you don't, you are controling
If you visit him often, he thinks you're desperate
If you don't, he thinks you're not interested
If you are well dressed, he says you are vain
If you don't, you are a dog
If you are jealous, he say's you're possessive
If you're not, then he fools around
If you attempt a romance, he say's you are cheap
If you don't, he thinks you are cold
If you are a minute late, he says you are fussy
If he is late, he says you're impatient
If you visit another man, you are fooling around
If he is visited by another woman, "oh we're just friends"
If you kiss him once in a while, he says you're too shy
If you kiss him often, he says you're too forward
If he fails to help you in crossing the street, he brings up the feminist movement
If he does, he expects to be rewarded
If you stare at another woman, he says you're jealous
If he is stared by other men, boy, you're in big trouble..
If you talk, it's always too much
If you listen, it's never enough

In short:

So complex, yet so predictable
So macho, yet so sensitive (usually to their own feelings)
So confusing, yet so funny
but most of all,
So irritating, yet so irresistible

...MEN!