Am i jealous?

mrskitty · 07-03-2007, 23:22

In this past month 3 of my friends have been beaten up by there boyfriends-the scary and stupid part of this is that all three have taken the guys back (one after 3 days)

I cant describe how angry i am-at the guys but mostly at my friends who have taken these (insert swear word begging with B) back into their homes.
All of them have children

Reminds me of a mate i knew down south-i went round one day and she said "look at my flowers,are you jealous?" and i said "Def am-i havent had flowers bought for me for months"then she went red and quiet,so i thought they were from an admirer as opposed to her boyf and pretended to looked shocked.
She then told me they were a 'sorry present' because the friday before her boyfriend had beaten the crap out of her the weekend before,to the point where her neighbour thought she was dead.
yea i was soooooooo jealous.......not.

My mates that recently put up with this treatment have had their noses spread across their face or broken,numerous bruises,been strangled and one has a broken arm cos he threw her down the stairs.
Yet all of them deny that their children will now accept violent partners and think violence in the home is acceptable-erm hello,wake up.
God im soo mad.
I dont feel comfortable in their homes now cos i wont talk to their boyfriends, even my friends try and laugh it off and make a joke of it/make out it never happened/try and make me talk to them.

I watched my mum get beaten black and blue and il be damned if im gona talk to violent guys, let alone let some twerp punch me around.
I know alot of women are scared of being on their own-yea it is scary, but not as scary as living with someone and never knowing when the next violent outburst will be.
Im hoping my mates will find the strength to kick these 'men' (i use the word men loosely) out-chances are very small though

lancsdave · 07-03-2007, 23:30

I have never understood what the women beaters get out of it. I presume it's a control thing. Being a non violent person i think this cowardly act disgusts me more than most.

garinda · 07-03-2007, 23:30

It's the girls you should be angry with. After you accept an appology, after the very first time you suffer violence, you might as well sign an agreement saying you'll put up with it for the rest of your life.

Some people are so weak, and with so little self esteem, they settle for it, and it's very sad. All you can do is be there for them, and try to get through to them that everyone deserves a better life than being in constant fear of a beating.

garinda · 07-03-2007, 23:32

Although it is mainly violence against women, we must remember it happens to men too, and like Dave said it's all about power.

lancsdave · 07-03-2007, 23:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

It's the girls you should be angry with. After you accept an appology, after the very first time you suffer violence, you might as well sign an agreement saying you'll put up with it for the rest of your life.

Some people are so weak, and with so little self esteem, they settle for it, and it's very sad. All you can do is be there for them, and try to get through to them that everyone deserves a better life than being in constant fear of a beating.

I'm sure I will be corrected by those who have been through it but I think the fear factor doesn't make the exit very easy until a breaking point is reached.

mrskitty · 07-03-2007, 23:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

It's the girls you should be angry with.

"I cant describe how angry i am-at the guys but mostly at my friends who have taken these (insert swear word begging with B) back into their homes."

accymel · 07-03-2007, 23:37

Being a DV survivor so yep it happens to the best of us im afraid, i put up for 5 years untill a brush with death woke the pants off me up then realised! I have had a few friends that have & still going thro it & trust me if i cant make them see despite the shear reality of what i went thro. I have worked with womens aid & done media campaigns also did a course on behavioural psychology of victims & abusers thro them too, so do know what im talking about. The trouble is that as whats happening with your friends is that the mental emotional behaviourial has already happened & is the hardest to break, ie he hits me cos he loves me so much beleif which is implanted, usually these women have huge low self esteem beleive they are not worthy of owt else, they couldnt help it coupled with their BF promise of change which gives them renewed hope also with self blame cos they beleived they caused or deserved it!! This is not gender specific as men are victims from husband beating [DV** too & is based on same psychology also.

There is a huge campaign atm regarding domestic violence & there is going to be 2m invested in refuges & Dv centres.

All u can do is point them to womens aid services that can get them help & support to break free, Hyndburn have their own drop in centre u can pm me for details of that.

More info: http://www.womensaid.org.uk

Tinkerbelle · 07-03-2007, 23:41

I don't know your mates or who your refering to kitty, but Jesus half the friggin women up here think their fellas in disguise with their need for a scrap. It's disgusting.

Genuine domestic abuse should never be tolerated ..... but it's also about time the 'well hard' women put down their boxing gloves.

accymel · 07-03-2007, 23:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancsdave

I'm sure I will be corrected by those who have been through it but I think the fear factor doesn't make the exit very easy until a breaking point is reached.

True it takes huge strength to do it also cos these worms grind u down also making the break away can be the easy part - STAYING away is the hardest cos i could give u a huge list of the con tricks in the books they go to some lengths to get u back or try to remain the stronghold of control - ie harrassment, stalking - access with kids is the WORST & most abused form.

garinda · 07-03-2007, 23:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancsdave

I'm sure I will be corrected by those who have been through it but I think the fear factor doesn't make the exit very easy until a breaking point is reached.

Even someone who has been throught it, can't really comment on someone else relationship, as every single situation is different.

People who get told they are constantly worthless, and that they deserve the beatings, do come to believe it. However, not matter how low you get the door. or the police are always there, it just takes more guts to make it stop than it does to keep taking the violence.

It's not a secret because it was public, but Lettie wrote a very moving and inspirational blog here on Accy Web, about how you can leave a very violent and abusive relationships, and how it is possible to turn your life around.

accymel · 08-03-2007, 00:10

Statistically 3-4 women are killed each week from domestic violence

Tinkerbelle · 08-03-2007, 00:13

I'm sorry. misskitty was confused by my reply so I'll try to explain.

The attitude of some women disgust me these days. I've witnessed a women spark a guy out cold on my street, he didn't retaliate but should he have done? What gives her the right to thump him? My daughters had to witness 2 so called 'mothers' kicking 10 bells out of each other at a childrens disco on Friday night.

As I said, genuine domestic abuse with all the physical and emotional torture should never be tolerated.

cashman · 08-03-2007, 00:16

any bloke that hits a woman is nothing but a coward and a bully, also it can occasionally work in reverse,i have always made a concious effort to avoid people like this who i am aware of, on the simple basis i find it very hard to keep me big gob shut.

SamF · 08-03-2007, 00:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by misskitty

Yet all of them deny that their children will now accept violent partners and think violence in the home is acceptable-erm hello,wake up.

I watched my mum get beaten black and blue and il be damned if im gona talk to violent guys, let alone let some twerp punch me around.

Contradicting yourself a little bit there.

Still a terrible problem, I can't imagine why anyone would do something like that, or how a couple can get so close they have children before something like this shows up. Still, I hope I never find out.

accymel · 08-03-2007, 00:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinkerbelle

I'm sorry. misskitty was confused by my reply so I'll try to explain.

The attitude of some women disgust me these days. I've witnessed a women spark a guy out cold on my street, he didn't retaliate but should he have done? What gives her the right to thump him? My daughters had to witness 2 so called 'mothers' kicking 10 bells out of each other at a childrens disco on Friday night.

I think that violence should not be tollerated in any form, & there is increase of many violent women [girl power gone wrong mentality or ladette & binge drink culture sweeping in], & a lot is result of violence in the family growing up with it as the norm, also the fact of 'i'll get in there 1st with the punch before he does' is also a factor or see how far they can push it testing the bloke out. Society in general is a lot more violent, even becoming stupidly socially acceptable or ignorant to the increase of violent girls as awarness of boys not hitting girls is frowned upon more.