Asian women and the English language. - Page 4

Gayle · 08-03-2007, 19:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lampman

Slightly off thread,but yes I feel uneasy about forced marriages,indeed I find the arranged marriage a bit hard to stomach.I know we are of different cultures,but when in Rome.......
I think the problem is that the whole ethnic marriage idea is an antiquated system that we abandoned over a hundred years ago.
Mind you the only emigrating/immigrating in those days available was a one way trip to Aussie land.

I think it helps to understand exactly what an arranged marriage is though and then it doesn't sound quite so awful. An arranged marriage is when the parents look for suitable partners for their offspring. They then make the introductions. If the offspring do not like what they see on initial meetings (and they can meet as often as they want in safe company) they can say so - the woman has just the same right as the man to say no. If both parties say yes, then the parents take over arranging the marriage itself. Really, it's like a parent run dating agency.

Forced marriage is a totally different thing. Forced marriage is when one of the parties has not got a say in matters, they could have been promised from childhood or there could be a business deal behind it.

Forced marriage is not accepted by any world religion.

This was one of the subjects at the conference that I was at yesterday and it was fascinating.

Ianto.W. · 08-03-2007, 23:24

As far as I'm concerned arranged marriages are a load of cobblers, designed to keep the family money within the families concerned, as our royal family still practice to this day. Just look at the blood lines of Lady Di and Fergie and you will find a connection somewhere to the present day royal family. Most, not all asian arranged marriages are on the same lines either to bring money into the family, or keep it in.

Lampman · 09-03-2007, 17:40

Thanks for the input Gayle,yes I know the difference between the two forms of marriage'guidance'.
Did any of the conference attendees speak of the arranged marriage by photograph.I can assure you this goes on.What next an Argos catalogue of prospective partners?
Many of my work colleagues are Asian and all have strong polarised views on the marriage question.As I said earlier an antiquated system,that has not caught up with modern thinking,third world ideas should not be the norm in a Western country.

kash · 09-03-2007, 18:09

Forced marriages are more of a cultural thing. Forbidden in Islam, however it does happen (and that's wrong). Arranged marriages are like dating agencies by parents as Gayle pointed out. In arrange marriages a female has the same right to refuse as the guy. Another thing which is forbidden is dowry. one party (usually the guys family) is not allowed to put any pressure on the other party. Asking for dowry is more common in India.

Lampman · 09-03-2007, 18:14

Hmm! So the gifts of jewellry and/or cash to the bride on the wedding day is not a dowry as such?

West Ender · 09-03-2007, 22:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lampman

Hmm! So the gifts of jewellry and/or cash to the bride on the wedding day is not a dowry as such?

My late husband and I went to a Hindu wedding in Bolton, about 20 years ago, a colleague of my husband. At the end of the ceremony, after about 5 hours, guests were pinning bank notes on to the bride's sari (she changed saris about 4 times) and then the groom's dad read out a list of presents and the givers. He went on, Mr & Mrs ......, gold chain, Mr & Mrs ......., diamond watch, Mr & Mrs ...... gold bracelet, etc., etc. Then he came to us - Mr & Mrs C*****, Teasmade. We felt a bit - outdone!

I believe it was an arranged (not forced) marriage but they adored each other. I still hear from him, occasionally, and they've got 3 children and live in London.

Ianto.W. · 09-03-2007, 23:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by kash

Forced marriages are more of a cultural thing. Forbidden in Islam, however it does happen (and that's wrong). Arranged marriages are like dating agencies by parents as Gayle pointed out. In arrange marriages a female has the same right to refuse as the guy. Another thing which is forbidden is dowry. one party (usually the guys family) is not allowed to put any pressure on the other party. Asking for dowry is more common in India.

Money talks it can't talk and it can't walk, In 1946 India was partitioned, everyone was from the Indian sub continent. Lord Mountbatten allowed Jinna to form Pakistan as an appeasment to the Moslems, so that makes them all from 'India' the only difference being their 'religion', so you cannot blame it on the Indians, Kash, the cowboys are to blame for so called arranged marriages.

Lampman · 10-03-2007, 15:10

One of the Asian girls I work with told me there had been £12,000 worth of jewellery 'donated' to her at her wedding;not a bad start to wedded bliss!

WillowTheWhisp · 10-03-2007, 17:40

But it's normal for the guests to buy wedding presents for the happy couple at English weddings too. What's the problem with that?

Lampman · 10-03-2007, 20:52

No problem here!
My original post was relating to the language problem;the thread seems to have wandered a bit but that's the way it goes with various opinions.
I still think we should not promote third world ideas in a so called modern country,but that is the beauty of the UK; all tastes are catered for and tolerated,only time will tell if this is the best way.

Ianto.W. · 10-03-2007, 23:02

As far as I'm concerned they are welcome to marry as they like, the only time it would concern me is if a Moslem wanted to marry one of my children or grandchildren, then I would have to think hard and long about it.

garinda · 11-03-2007, 12:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lampman

I still think we should not promote third world ideas in a so called modern country

What, like Christianity?

Lampman · 11-03-2007, 12:46

Christianity is on the wane in the UK,the vacuum will be filled by other more 'dynamic' religions.......which is in itself a problem.
We have only ourselves to blame,the Christian Church; Catholic/C of E used to be the backbone of our country's morality,now we have turned our backs on the Church and nothing has replaced it,until now!

garinda · 11-03-2007, 12:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lampman

now we have turned our backs on the Church and nothing has replaced it,until now!

People go to those new cathedrals on Sundays now....like the Trafford Centre. Shopping and consumerism are now the people's choice of escapism.

katex · 11-03-2007, 13:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

People go to those new cathedrals on Sundays now....like the Trafford Centre. Shopping and consumerism are now the people's choice of escapism.

So ? What's wrong with that? gets you out, socialising, family outing and the big globe has got wonderful blue lights to give you pleasant surroundings ..

Doesn't make you any worse a person than the ones that are attending church.

Does seem sad though that some of the Asian women will come here and be cocooned in their own little Asia and never really integrate into our society due to language problems. How can you if you can't communicate !! Always find it endearing now when I listen to Asian teenagers with a strong Lancashire accent .. brilliant. Some of the little ones though do speak English albeit with an Asian accent which is probably from their parents; expect when they start school this will finally be polished off.

Can observe that lots of the Grannies still can't speak English, but do you not think that as the Generations move up .. this will phase out, or are there still lots of immigrants coming that can't.

Think the Eastern Europeons will be more keen to learn our language.

Hey, Lampman, never seen a road sign yet in Polish ! Where are they ?..