Attention all Daily Mail readers :)

[Less]

Originally Posted by Mancie

Berty WOSTERSHIRE SAUCE ? and GARDENS gives you cancer...what a load of bollocks

Perhaps if you rub too much of the sauce whilst sitting in your garden onto your bollocks that would be a cause for concern?

I don't think it would stand up in court however if arrested, you claimed you were doing it for Medical Science.

[yerself]

Science reveals shock new Daily Mail code

MATHEMATICIANS at top boffin coffin Oxford University have uncovered a secret code in the pages of the Daily Mail.

Close study of the text has shocked the egghead community - revealing a series of cogent, legible messages, cunningly hidden within the rambling paragraphs of the unreasonable right-wing rabbit hutch liner.

Dr Jonathan Arms and Dr Rebecca Sh, the authors of the research which is published in this month's Science magazine, say that they first noticed the phenomenon after staring blankly for several hours at a single Daily Mail story under laboratory conditions.

"The journalist seemed to be blaming asylum seekers for him not liking the winning entry for the Turner Prize," Dr Arms explains. "We couldn't make head or tail of it. But then I thought of just reading every 50th letter."

"And there it was," says Dr Sh. "A secret message - 'HELP HELP I AM AFRAID OF EVERYTHING'."

Astonished by their findings, the pair continued and uncovered the tear-jerking "DESPITE MY COMFORTABLE LIFESTYLE I AM BIZARRELY JEALOUS OF THE POOR AND NEEDY" woven into an otherwise senseless Lynda Lee Potter piece about babysitting; the words "I DON'T TRUST ANYBODY" in a seemingly unintelligible article on why the new breed of working mums can have it all; and the phrase "COLOUREDS WILL EAT MY CHILDREN" threaded through a week's worth of Fred Bassett cartoons.

Scholars have looked for sense in the Daily Mail for thousands of years, but it is only in the last two decades that computers have made the text searches inevitable.

The discovery of the so-called Daily Mail code has been pooh-poohed by Fleet Street. "This is old wives' hat," said Piers Morgan last night. "You can find the same so-called codes in the Daily Telegraph and FHM if you look hard enough."

But excitement about the findings is running high, with academics excited at the first evidence of a guiding intelligence behind the newspaper. A book about the discovery, called simply The Daily Mail Code, is expected to top both the book and R&B single charts on release.

It will be serialised in the Daily Mail starting on Monday, followed by a week-long series on how reading the book can give you cancer.

[Neil]

Originally Posted by BERNADETTE

Seems to me as that some of our members can post willy nilly just to try and goad other members....

Not always.

I have cleaned up this thread as best I can. Maybe we can keep it on topic and try not to attack each other.