Birth order.

[Eric]

Originally Posted by WillowTheWhisp

Oh dear. I'm an only child and apparently this is me:

* Pampered and spoiled.
* Feels incompetent because adults are more capable.
* Is center of attention; often enjoys position. May feel special.
* Self-centered.
* Relies on service from others rather than own efforts
* Feels unfairly treated when doesn't get own way.
* May refuse to cooperate.
* Plays "divide and conquer" to get own way.


Well for starters I was never pampered or spoiled. My parents couldn't afford to do that.

Feel incompetent? Not sure about that. I am a perfectionist and don't accept something if I feel I can improve on it.

Centre of attention? Special? Who? Me? Nah, although I will often take the lead in things I'm also happy to follow a good leader too.

Self-centred? No, I really don't think so. I hope not. I'm always on at my kids not to be self centred when they don't think of the implications for other people when they leave decision making to the last minute etc. I hate letting people down and am always thinking of how it will affect others if I change my plans.

Rely on service from others? Chance would be a fine thing! Seriously I think I probably am more of a dooer unto others than a done unto.

Feel unfairly treated if I don't get my own way? Well,only if what I want makes a heck of a lot more sense than what the other person wants and they are too stubborn to see it.

Refuse to co-operate? Nah, I'm as co-operative as they come if it'ssomething I am able to do.

And as for "Divide and Conquer" that is a game I can't abide and the child who I know who seems to have that one down to a fine art is actually from a large family

So, all in all not all that accurate.

I agree. I'm an only child too. Not only is it not accurate, it is pure, unadulterated bulls**t. I'm an absolutely fantastic human being, and I owe it all to being an only child

[garinda]

Originally Posted by garinda

I recently came across this site, which tries to explain how your birth order can affect your character.

Birth Order

I was the first born of two sons. I was also the first born in a generation, and was the first grandchild for all my grandparents, as well as the first child born amongst my parent's contemporaries.

My brother was born when I was two years and three days old. I remember being introduced to him at Bramley Meade, and being told he'd brought a Golliwog for me, as some sort of compensation. I remember liking the Golliwog, but thought it was a poor swap for not being an only child anymore.

I also remember offering to feed him his pureed baby mush, and whilst my Mother wasn't looking, scoffing the lot, thinking he might then waste away! Forty odd years later, I've resolved these issues, and love my brother dearly.

Some of the characteristics listed on the site, I might admit to, but certainly not to always thinking I'm right!!!

So, what about you?

Do you think your birth position has affected you?

Are you a seventy year old baby?

Do you still feel neglected?

Does it matter?

Claytonx mentioned in another thread, that they regreted not having any siblings, and still do, and it reminded me of this old thread.

Brothers and sisters do have lots of fights growing up too, as well as lots of fun.

My brother and myself had some real ding-dongs, but loved each other really, and as an adult he's been fantastic to me, and I feel lucky to have him, and his family in my life.

Perhaps being an only child makes those that are, better at making friends outside the family, who knows?

Has your status as a child, only child, first born, baby of the family etc, shaped who you are today?

[garinda]

Actually, having just checked, there seems to be quite a few sites, which explore birth order characteristics, and how it's supposed to shape us.

How Birth Order Changes Your Life - Family Psych: The Personality Traits of First Born, Middle, and Youngest Children | Suite101.com

Birth Order

Birth Order Traits - What You Need to Know

...and here's a quiz you can take, to check if any of this is true.

Quiz: What's Your Birth Order Personality?

[claytonx]

Originally Posted by garinda

Claytonx mentioned in another thread, that they regreted not having any siblings, and still do, and it reminded me of this old thread.

Brothers and sisters do have lots of fights growing up too, as well as lots of fun.

My brother and myself had some real ding-dongs, but loved each other really, and as an adult he's been fantastic to me, and I feel lucky to have him, and his family in my life.

Perhaps being an only child makes those that are, better at making friends outside the family, who knows?

Has your status as a child, only child, first born, baby of the family etc, shaped who you are today?

Yes I made sure as best I could that my family would have more than one child. I have been fortunate to have four daughters all married with five children between them, who have two more, so my family consist of wife,four daughters, five grandchildren, two great grandchildren.Our house is never empty as there is always someone visiting and thats a good family life,all in good health and with steady jobs which again is something to be thankfull for.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by garinda

...and here's a quiz you can take, to check if any of this is true.

Quiz: What's Your Birth Order Personality?

Some seemed daft questions, but they were answered truthfully, and...bang on, I am a firstborn.



You're #1: Firstborn Personality Whether or not you were the first child born into your family, your personality indicates that yours is a firstborn personality. What does that mean? Well, even though you're a natural born leader, you tend to uphold the status quo.In other words, you can lead well, but you're not necessarily going to try to shake things up. If you are indeed a bonafide firstborn, you can attribute this tendency to the fact that, for at least a little while, you were the only child receiving attention from your parents. You didn't have to share the limelight with anyone else, and you developed a relationship with your parents that allowed you to be the center of attention (again, for at least a little while).Also, being the firstborn gave you some insight into your parents' personalities; therefore, you absorbed much of their belief system through some sort of familial osmosis action. After all, you didn't have any siblings there to buffer the relationship you shared with your parents. As other siblings came along, your parents depended on you to be a little helper and occasional babysitter. Whether or not you enjoyed these roles, they did and continue to help you be the capable, ambitious, hardworking person you are today

[cashman]

The quiz is a bag of crap, i came out the Middle Child. when in fact i'm the eldest, n i answered em honestly.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by claytonx

Yes I made sure as best I could that my family would have more than one child. I have been fortunate to have four daughters all married with five children between them, who have two more, so my family consist of wife,four daughters, five grandchildren, two great grandchildren.Our house is never empty as there is always someone visiting and thats a good family life,all in good health and with steady jobs which again is something to be thankfull for.

That's lovely. You've certainly got a big, loving family around you now.

When you said you still wish now, that you had siblings, it brought a lump to my throat.

Then I got to wondering if only children are better at making friends, because they have to, not having ready made playmates at home.

You certainly seemed to have had a good gang of close pals around you, to have your adventures with.

Then I remembered this thread.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Well, I did the quiz, though I couldn't relate to some of the questions...it seemed too american to me....and guess what I came out as a 'firstborn personality'.......and I am actually the eldest child in a family which has seven children.

I always wanted to be an only child. I like my own company.
I only had one child.....but she, like you. Claytonx regretted not having siblings....and has two children of her own.

[heth]

Well even though I am the eldest apparently I am more like a middle child,


Personality Traits of Middle Children - Birth Order

• More mysterious. Middle born children are more difficult to define because their identity growing up changed (from last born to middle child). This affects their personality and environment in unpredictable ways. Strange, it didnt change as I were growing up?
• Peacekeepers. Middle born children may be more likely to keep peace in the family, to restore connections and relationships. Yep this is deff me, I hate arguing and try and keep the peace.
• Less decisive. Middle children may take longer to choose a career than firstborn or later-borns. They may deliberately make opposite choices than firstborns; if the first born is a doctor, the middle child may choose to be a firefighter or policeman. I kinda fell into a job, didnt really make a career for myself as I were too busy being naughty when I should have been thinking about my future!
• Less connected. Middle children may not be as attached to the family as first borns or later borns. This one I disagree with very much, any one that knows me can tell you that my family is the most important thing in my life.

[heth]

I do agree thought it did seem very american that test.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Originally Posted by cashman

The quiz is a bag of crap, i came out the Middle Child. when in fact i'm the eldest, n i answered em honestly.

Maybe you should have been a middle child.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by cashman

The quiz is a bag of crap, i came out the Middle Child. when in fact i'm the eldest, n i answered em honestly.

Unless someone snatched a sibling, before you came along, and left some pegs and some lucky heather in their pram in exchange, and no one's ever told you.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I always wanted to be an only child. I like my own company.
I only had one child.....but she, like you. Claytonx regretted not having siblings....and has two children of her own.

Does she?

Perhaps we all want what we didn't have.

I do love my brother, but like you, much prefered my own company as a child, no one could match the imaginative world that I'd created, and I still do prefer my own company.

Having met your lovely daughter, she has a very special, empathetic quality, which she might not have developed, if she'd had siblings. Perhaps it was meant to be.

I do think most of it's daft, but I do think some of who I am today, was defined by being a first born, to two new sets of grandparents, and the first child born in our extended family for a generation.

I wasn't spoiled, but a lot of attention was invested in me. Which really, sadly, seems to diminish with the arrival of the next child in our family. Not especially from parents, but from the whole family as a whole.

My brother thinks this is true. There are boxes of photographs of me, and tons of film, and very few of him. Him being the film making grandparents' third grandchild, by the time he was born.

I was also given lots of things, that had belonged to children from previous generations, books, precious toys, childrens' furniture, which he didn't get given to him. Though I suppose why would they save stuff to give him, they didn't know he'd be born two years later than me.

I do think there's something in it...perhaps.

[Margaret Pilkington]

When Nicola was having her second baby I told her that there wasn't much to bring a child into the world for....and you know my feelings on babies......I wasn't keen on them.
She told me that she didn't want her son to be on his own in the eventuality of his parents demise.....she wanted him to have someone with whom he had a close bond.....and it was then she said she wished she had had a brother or a sister.

I had never considered such things when she was growing up.......I felt that she would be very self reliant......I am independent and self reliant....and felt that these were traits she would inherit.
I also know that having brothers and sister does not always work out how you would want it to....although I am one of seven children, there is only me that really does the caring stuff for my mum.....OK two of my siblings are in Oz.......but the others - all boys, seem to have little interest in how Ma is, or whether there is anything they could do for her.
Some families just do not get on at all....and this can be a cause of much unhappiness.

[Margaret Pilkington]

My grand parents made much of me....I was their first grandchild and they doted on me......but this was the only place where I felt truly important.