Birth order.

garinda · 12-06-2007, 15:11

I recently came across this site, which tries to explain how your birth order can affect your character.

Birth Order

I was the first born of two sons. I was also the first born in a generation, and was the first grandchild for all my grandparents, as well as the first child born amongst my parent's contemporaries.

My brother was born when I was two years and three days old. I remember being introduced to him at Bramley Meade, and being told he'd brought a Golliwog for me, as some sort of compensation. I remember liking the Golliwog, but thought it was a poor swap for not being an only child anymore.

I also remember offering to feed him his pureed baby mush, and whilst my Mother wasn't looking, scoffing the lot, thinking he might then waste away! Forty odd years later, I've resolved these issues, and love my brother dearly.

Some of the characteristics listed on the site, I might admit to, but certainly not to always thinking I'm right!!!

So, what about you?

Do you think your birth position has affected you?

Are you a seventy year old baby?

Do you still feel neglected?

Does it matter?

West Ender · 12-06-2007, 16:17

I'm the youngest of 3. I am also the youngest cousin, all of them being at least 7 years older than me as are my brothers. Are you getting the picture that I was, for want of a better word, an Accident? Yeah, you're right.

I don't fit the stereotype, having always been noted in the family as "independent" - "She's far too independent, that one," was the verdict when I was a child. I've never felt small (except in lack of height which, unfortunately, is true though the rest of my family is tall) and certainly never felt weak. I also tended to side with my 2nd brother against the eldest, rather than the other way, though not too seriously as we all tended to side with each other - "Kick one and you've kicked the lot", as our dad used to say - not that he ever did kick us, of course. I certainly didn't get "all my own way" as a child and I never felt like, or was treated as, the Baby.

I also have 3 children (there's a 10 year gap between numbers 2 and 3 - my mother wasn't the only one who could have an accident). They don't seem to fit the bill either.

Are we odd or is it all just a load of - you-know-what?

WillowTheWhisp · 12-06-2007, 16:27

Oh dear. I'm an only child and apparently this is me:

* Pampered and spoiled.
* Feels incompetent because adults are more capable.
* Is center of attention; often enjoys position. May feel special.
* Self-centered.
* Relies on service from others rather than own efforts
* Feels unfairly treated when doesn't get own way.
* May refuse to cooperate.
* Plays "divide and conquer" to get own way.

Well for starters I was never pampered or spoiled. My parents couldn't afford to do that.

Feel incompetent? Not sure about that. I am a perfectionist and don't accept something if I feel I can improve on it.

Centre of attention? Special? Who? Me? Nah, although I will often take the lead in things I'm also happy to follow a good leader too.

Self-centred? No, I really don't think so. I hope not. I'm always on at my kids not to be self centred when they don't think of the implications for other people when they leave decision making to the last minute etc. I hate letting people down and am always thinking of how it will affect others if I change my plans.

Rely on service from others? Chance would be a fine thing!

Seriously I think I probably am more of a dooer unto others than a done unto.

Feel unfairly treated if I don't get my own way? Well,only if what I want makes a heck of a lot more sense than what the other person wants and they are too stubborn to see it.

Refuse to co-operate? Nah, I'm as co-operative as they come if it'ssomething I am able to do.

And as for "Divide and Conquer" that is a game I can't abide and the child who I know who seems to have that one down to a fine art is actually from a large family

So, all in all not all that accurate.

garinda · 12-06-2007, 16:28

As the first child I did find it was me who had to fight for our rights as children, so to speak. I was the one who had to plead to have a bike, go to bed later, go on holiday by ourselves, have friends to stay over, how much money we could get for cleaning the car, etc.

The rules were already in place by the time my brother wanted to do the same things.

garinda · 12-06-2007, 16:30

*Lol@Willow.

I actually read the attributes of the only child, thinking that it fitted me, then realised I wasn't, I was the first born.

Freudian or what.

Lilly · 12-06-2007, 16:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillowTheWhisp

Oh dear. I'm an only child and apparently this is me:

* Pampered and spoiled.
* Feels incompetent because adults are more capable.
* Is center of attention; often enjoys position. May feel special.
* Self-centered.
* Relies on service from others rather than own efforts
* Feels unfairly treated when doesn't get own way.
* May refuse to cooperate.
* Plays "divide and conquer" to get own way.

Well for starters I was never pampered or spoiled. My parents couldn't afford to do that.

Feel incompetent? Not sure about that. I am a perfectionist and don't accept something if I feel I can improve on it.

Centre of attention? Special? Who? Me? Nah, although I will often take the lead in things I'm also happy to follow a good leader too.

Self-centred? No, I really don't think so. I hope not. I'm always on at my kids not to be self centred when they don't think of the implications for other people when they leave decision making to the last minute etc. I hate letting people down and am always thinking of how it will affect others if I change my plans.

Rely on service from others? Chance would be a fine thing!

Seriously I think I probably am more of a dooer unto others than a done unto.

Feel unfairly treated if I don't get my own way? Well,only if what I want makes a heck of a lot more sense than what the other person wants and they are too stubborn to see it.

Refuse to co-operate? Nah, I'm as co-operative as they come if it'ssomething I am able to do.

And as for "Divide and Conquer" that is a game I can't abide and the child who I know who seems to have that one down to a fine art is actually from a large family

So, all in all not all that accurate.

I am an only child too Willow and I agree that this is not an accurate description.It makes us sound hideous.A lot of people do tend to say 'Oooh I bet you were spoilt as a child' though when you tell them you're an only child.Very untrue,very unfair.

Margaret Pilkington · 12-06-2007, 17:21

Like you Garinda, I was a first child and a first grandchild......though not for long........my little brother came along some 14 months later...so I actually do not remember ever being the 'sole' child.
There were no inducements to make me like my brother....no Teddy, or Golliwog.
I do remember being told I was 'responsible' for whatever my brothers got up to.......and at the time I don't recall this being a heavy burden....I felt more than ready and able to look out for them.
Babies held no magic or mystery for me......there seemed to be one delivered in a brown box every year. Ma always had home births.....and a few weeks before delivery the midwife would bring a large brown box to the house....and for a long time I thought the new baby was in there (how naive).
I sometimes wonder whether these occurences are responsible for the fact that I have very little in the way of maternal feelings....and that I am one of the few people who do not gurgle and coo over new babies.....they leave me totally unmoved. Despite all this I DID have just one child....and she has had two children. I would have loved to have been an only child.

panther · 13-06-2007, 09:36

Behaves like only child.
Feels every one bigger and more capable.
Expects others to do things, make decisions, take responsibility.
Feels smallest and weakest. May not be taken seriously.
Becomes boss of family in getting service and own way.
Develops feelings of inferiority or becomes "speeder" and overtakes older siblings.
Remains "The Baby." Places others in service.
If youngest of three, often allies with oldest child against middle child.

im the youngest and sorry but non of the above apply

so that theory is out the window

accymel · 13-06-2007, 10:07

Im the oldest of 2 with my brother whom was born 4 1/2 years later, so i went from only child to oldest child so suppose im bit of both with resentment LOL. Mainly felt rejected & pushed out when he came along as i was only child for over 4 years but then also exibited into oldest child syndrome after with feeling of responsiblity [because it was expected me being oldest] free babysitter, couldnt go places or with friends cos had to keep eye on younger bro & had to take him with me - like to the fair once

cramping my style LOL.

Age difference siblings when kids seem huge at the time, plus i was test pilot child i went out of line, pushed boundaries, or tried new things it was much more restricted - plus as my bro freely admits hehehe that he learnt thro my mistakes or where i went wrong or could of done better or didnt - like get away with stuff he did, with 1st child its a learning curve for parents because its new for them as well as child where if subsequent siblings do it - its 'oh we seen this before' & they handle it better without the shock or over reaction as with the 1st.

So i think being the oldest child is the hardest to deal with from child point of view cos it can seem unfair. I have 2 now 3 kids so im very aware, i can understand the oldest one as well as the next oldest - having been in both of their shoes at some point so havent lost that thought perspective- but the youngest im aware but a bit blind in some respects as havent been the youngest child.

Its hard being kids sometimes hehehehe having said all that with my bro - we didnt get on kinda hit & miss back then dependant on what was happening, BUT now we have grown up we are remarkably close, we actually have a good sibling relationship now & those birth order obstacles that was hugely blocking as children are used to advantage now adults in keeping the balance in our siblingship, he comes to me when needs me & vice versa

WillowTheWhisp · 13-06-2007, 11:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I would have loved to have been an only child.

I was, and would have loved to have had siblings. Funny isn't it?

Margaret Pilkington · 13-06-2007, 11:25

I used to go over to Sheffield to stay with my maternal grandmother...who used to spoil me rotten.....and I used to pretend I was an only child......and I loved it.

I suppose we always want what we can't have.
My main problem about being one of a large family, was 'hand me downs'.....now you wouldn't think that as the oldest I would have handed down clothes......but folks used to take pity on my mum and give her clothes for us......and to be honest there was absolutely nothing wrong with the clothes......I just wanted to go out and buy NEW ones.

Neil · 13-06-2007, 11:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

I also remember offering to feed him his pureed baby mush, and whilst my Mother wasn't looking, scoffing the lot, thinking he might then waste away! Forty odd years later, I've resolved these issues, and love my brother dearly.

Yes but he still spits in your pies

LancYorkYankee · 13-06-2007, 16:14

Middle Child

Has neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
Feels life is unfair.
Feels unloved, left out, "squeezed."
Feels doesn't have place in family.
Becomes discouraged and "problem child" or elevates self by pushing down other siblings.
Is adaptable.
Learns to deal with both oldest and youngest sibling.

Both Cindy and I are middle children. I am the middle of 5 and she the middle of seven. I don't think the above list fits either of us too well. Our most similar traits are trying to bring sides together through nmediation and/or listening. However, when pushed or falsely accused or threatened tend to lash out quite firmly. This is probably due to being pushed around by the older ones when kids and being responsible for the younger ones.

I've seen more accurate descriptions, Hence Dr. Rindy Freud