Crime and .... a mild rebuke?

Acrylic-bob · 11-02-2005, 09:02

I noticed at least 25 reported crimes in this weeks edition of the Observer. Ranging in severity from the usual mindless vandalism to multiple deaths in a care home and missing body parts. Plenty for our local heroes, Crime Czars Doug and Sandra, to sink their teeth into, one would think. Plenty of scope for tough decisions, knocking heads together and high impact crime solving, one would think. Loads of opportunities for photo opportunities with our dashing duo catching the crooks red handed and handing them over to the cops, one would think.

Which is what might happen in comic books. But on the mean streets of Hyndburn things are done differently it seems.

Doug Hayes, one half of our crime fighting duo, this week has weighed in against vandals who trashed a wooden fence at Rhyddings Methodist Church. Oooooh! What did he do? I hear you breathlessly ask. Errrrm, well, he made a statement.

" These youngsters are going round looking for trouble and just not learning. The problems continue so I will be checking with the Police about their response. It is really annoying, but good that residents are reporting these crimes."

And that is about it! But doesn't it make you all feel so much better to know that Crime Czar Doug cares so much that he is going to ask the police about their response? And doesn't it prove yet again that Good Old Doug is worth every penny he claims in allowances, even if the council has to borrow to pay them.

WillowTheWhisp · 11-02-2005, 09:06

You missed something A-B

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug Hayes

These youngsters are going round looking for trouble and just not learning.

If the council would pay me I could tell them mind-blowing facts like that.

Acrylic-bob · 11-02-2005, 09:12

Yes, but you are not a Crime Czar, Willow. It wouldn't have the same impact.

WillowTheWhisp · 11-02-2005, 09:20

drat!

back to the ironing board

Margaret Pilkington · 11-02-2005, 19:28

How do you get to be a Crime Czar......is it paid well, and when will ther be another vacancy......because if you aren't applying Willow, I will! (I know you might be a bit busy with your impending nuptuals)

WillowTheWhisp · 11-02-2005, 21:58

It looks a doddle doesn't it? I'm sure we could do it blindfold with both hands tied behind our backs.

Acrylic-bob · 12-02-2005, 04:24

The qualifications for the job appear to be sycophancy, an ability to waffle ineffectually on demand, and a complete absence of any dress sense or style. I'm not sure that a prediliction for bondage is included in the job description, but it might make a diverting complement.

Good luck with the application girls!

P.S. If you get the job, I will still be chairman of the fan club, won't I?

WillowTheWhisp · 12-02-2005, 08:09

Check my title here and you'll see that I've got one of those down to a fine art already. I'm working on one of the others.

Acrylic-bob · 12-02-2005, 08:15

Ahh but can you waffle really Ineffectually,so that whatever you say states the blindingly obvious and offers sympathy but little or no remedy? Remember also that you have to wring your hands and wipe away crocodile tears at the same time.

WillowTheWhisp · 12-02-2005, 08:16

I'll have a practice.

lettie · 12-02-2005, 15:42

Hmmm, I reckon I could have a go too. With a bit of practice I could master waffling ineffectually, I do have a slight problem with the dress sense as I'm way too stylish, but I guess I could dress down. The sycophancy may be a problem, I don't know if I could overcome that one. I'd give it a shot though, I have no morals and need the cash.

Count me in ladies, we could be the next Charlie's Angels you know....

Margaret Pilkington · 12-02-2005, 19:45

Sycophancy.......is that a posh term for bum licking? Cannot be doing with that at all.
I think I could waffle, and like Willow I could always practice a bit to get it to a fine art.
And the answer to your Question A-B is .......of course......specially now you have this new sooper dooper new image! (which, if I haven't said before......I like it.....I like it a lot!)

Margaret Pilkington · 12-02-2005, 19:47

Lettie...... I could just see us as Charlies Angels....... but A-B would have to be Charlie!

Acrylic-bob · 13-02-2005, 06:04

Thanks for the compliment Margaret, glad you like it, it's from a painting by a chap called Gerald Brom.

Hmmm, "A-Bob's Angels" it does have a certain ring to it, doesn't it.

Alice · 16-02-2005, 12:43

Re job description, sycophancy etc. Doesn't that apply to all posts in HBC or am I missing the point?