Do we really care care about the elderly ?

steeljack · 13-08-2008, 06:10

okay for starters, just using th attached as an example , I have no intention of upsetting or offeding anyone who may have family living at this establishment ,
Closure threat to Oswaldtwistle care home (From Lancashire Telegraph)
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Maybe its because I'm getting older that storys like this become more and more unsettling (guilt) and its going to get worse as the boomers approach old age , so the question is .......what should be done , should we expect the (minimum wage) younger folks to be responsible for cleaning us up after 'accidents' and clipping our toe nails ?
Is it an entitlement to be expected to be looked after by strangers after our usefullness is done or should it be more of a family responsibility ?
We have all heard the arguements about how " modern lifestyles" have disrupted the family , but does anyone buy into this arguement ?
If the old lady who rambles on about VE day and going to dances with the Yanks or german Pows was good enough to wipe your dirty ass when you were a baby do you not owe her the same obligation now she is in a similar situation ?
Seems to me in the days when couples raised four or five kids in a two up two down there was allways room if neccessary for an owd senile Grandparent ........where did we go wrong ?

Margaret Pilkington · 13-08-2008, 06:41

The people in these homes are paying up to £600 per week for the privelege(if you can call it that) of being looked after. Some of these old folk will have had to sell their homes to pay for this so called 'care'.
If I am right......I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, the nursing home in question is a facility for those elderly who have problems with dementia, the wanderers, the old folk who need more than just someone to clean up after their accidents.

I know from experience that it is difficult to look after these old people safely in their own homes......they need someone with them 24/7.
As for the answer, I don't have one.
We are all living longer, and this is the result.

forceten · 13-08-2008, 07:27

I speak from personal experience here. Just over 6 months ago I was told that my Mum would have to go into a nursing home. Previous to that, she had had a heart attack followed by a stroke, and the stroke has left her doubly incontinent, unable to walk, unable to feed herself, unable to talk properly, unable to do anything at all for herself.

She is totally reliant on other people. She also has other medical problems as well. She needs to be hoisted from her bed into a reclining chair. She needs nursing care 24/7.

I didn't want Mum to go into a nursning home, and I offered to have my house adapted, and have nurses in my home for Mum, but I was told that this wasn't possible.

So some people haven't got the choice, the choice is made for them. And it is an upsetting time for them as well.

As for the nail thing, I go up to see my Mum every day, and I always clean her nails for her, and I paint them and give her a manicure as well. If I'm up at mealtimes then I feed her as well. I also change her should the nurses let me, some of them ask me to leave the room, and I do if they ask. If they dont then I help them with Mum.

It's not easy for us, but just because my Mum is in a nursing home because that is what she needs, doesn't mean that I don't love her any less

Margaret Pilkington · 13-08-2008, 08:04

Well said Forceten......because a relative is in a care facility doesn't mean they aren't valued and loved by their family....and often families feel a great burden of guilt at having been forced(sometimes by circumstances beyond their control) to commit their loved one to a nursing home/care home.

My next door neighbour loves his wife very much, she suffers from dementia(wanders, falls and can sometimes be violent) and he made himself very ill from lack of sleep trying desperately not to have her taken out of her own home. In the end he was left with no alternative but to allow her to go into care. He visits every single day and spens in excess of 4 hour with her.....takes her tasty titbits and brings home her clothes to wash. That is devotion. His life revolves around his visits to his wife....in fact he has no other life to speak of

BERNADETTE · 13-08-2008, 09:17

Got to say I agree that because a relative is in a care home doesn't mean it is by choice, quite often the home carer finds they are making theirselves ill in the process of looking after their loved ones. Or as in Forcetens case they have no choice in the matter. Don't think we can look at all cases in the same way but I know that if it was my Mum that needed care I would do all that I could to avoid her going into a care home. At the end of the day we never know what is going to happen!!!

jaysay · 13-08-2008, 09:26

Living in Ossy this article in the LET is very disturbing to say the least, as some one who is over sixty and has failing health, these stories can't help but make you think about the future. Eldery people living their twilight years in these nursing homes should recieve the best of care, especially given the fact that, which has already been mentioned, they are being charged up to £600 per week. It apears tha some people do not care for their patients a theyshould, but are treating them as a cash cow

MargaretR · 13-08-2008, 09:50

If I am ever in a position where I face spending the rest of my life in a nursing home, I hope I will have the courage and enough wits left to 'dispose of myself'.
Independance, dignity and quality of life matter most. When these are gone I volunteer to be Soylent Green.

Loz · 14-08-2008, 07:58

My Grandad has recently had to go into a nursing home because he kept falling and after being assessed it was the best thing would be for him to have constant care.
He is still pretty much sound of mind,he has the occasional blip and gets a bit confused but is generally okay.
He hates being in there with a passion,he has lost all interest in everything that he used to enjoy,won't watch telly,read a book,listen to music or leave his room.
All he does is sit in his chair all day or sleep and his only pleasure is when we visit which is as often as possible.
It is heartbreaking to see a once fiercely independent man reduced to what he is now and all he says when we go is i hope i don't wake up in the morning.
To to it all off he has to pay 550 pounds a week to be miserable,because he worked hard all of his life and invested wisely in shares and has substantial savings,now it is all going to be whittled away.
It really makes me mad that if he was a dole dosser and didn't have savings etc.. everything would be paid for.
I hope this goverment is proud of what it does to the elderly.
They should hang their heads in shame and change the system so it doesn't punish people for the crime of getting older.

roundossy · 14-08-2008, 20:37

I myself am a carer for the elderly and I think that leaving people in a state like that is disgusting just because they get older dosn't mean that they cant still have their independence or their hygiene and being understaffed is absolutely no excuse I now look after my mum after she had a stroke and I just could not even think about leaving my mum like that. I wonder how the carers would feel if they was their parents that was being treated like that