Explaining bereavement to kids

derekgas · 05-02-2009, 18:29

As the thread title says, have had to do the deed today, some on here know Yvonne, and sadly her father passed away yesterday after a very short battle with cancer (he was diagnosed on new years eve), so, I explained to the children that grandad wasnt living at grandmas any more as he is in heaven with god (wouldnt know any other way that a child would understand), so, how do you explain this, if you ever have.

emzy · 05-02-2009, 18:35

I wouldnt know how to explain it to them so cannot offer any advice there sorry, but my thoughts are with you all and if theres anything anyone needs just give me a shout x

black_flights · 05-02-2009, 18:39

Sorry for your loss. We had to tell my Niece pretty much the same thing, that her nan was in the sky with the angels.

emamum · 05-02-2009, 18:41

have you spoken to their teachers at school? they have books and information and experience that can be helpful

garinda · 05-02-2009, 18:42

It's difficult.

I was seven the first time someone I loved died. My mum called me and my younger brother to her bed one Saturday morning, and explained that our beloved great aunt had died. We cried our hearts out. Children are tougher than you think though, and like anyone who has been bereaved, you slowly come to some sort of acceptance about one of life's inevitabilities.

As an atheist I tried to explain to a child, who had lost someone they adored, that life ends, but the love that existed carries on, in the form of happy memories, and those can last forever.

Margaret Pilkington · 05-02-2009, 18:43

Sincere condolences on your sad loss.

It is a very hard job to explain to children....and every child will be different in their needs. I think that you just have to be there for them and answer their questions honestly.
I'm sure that the Cancer care organisations have some books to help, but you know your children best and are therefore best placed to know what is best for them

cashman · 05-02-2009, 18:43

sorry to hear mate, its all you can do, plus let em know how much grandad loved em, n be there fer yvonne.

Margaret Pilkington · 05-02-2009, 18:45

I would heartily endorse what Garinda says about chidren being tougher than we think.......they are also far more resilient than we give them credit for too.
I suppose you could tell them that the love they had for that special person goes on.....and that while they remember their Grandad with love, he is alive in their hearts and memories.

garinda · 05-02-2009, 18:46

I should have said that I was sorry too.

Sorry for the loss of Yvonne's father.

pipinfort · 05-02-2009, 18:50

Sorry for the loss......... we told our 3year old (5 now) when her 2 great grandads, great grandma and 2 cats passed away within` a short space of time that they all go up to the moon , still love them very much and will still keep an eye on them from above so now every time she sees the moon she says `look..! grandad such and such etc is looking at us and still loves us very much`............she also tells her little sister ( 18 months ) all about them, its something i can imagine her remembering forever.......

garinda · 05-02-2009, 18:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I would heartily endorse what Garinda says about chidren being tougher than we think.......they are also far more resilient than we give them credit for too.
I suppose you could tell them that the love they had for that special person goes on.....and that while they remember their Grandad with love, he is alive in their hearts and memories.

The great aunt, whose death was my first experience of bereavement, was actually the mother of Dr. Alfred Aspinall, who had the prize named after him, and which you won for nursing. She was a fantastic woman, and I often think of all the lovely thinks we did together, nearly a third of a century on.

After the shock of any death, be it a quick, or drawn out by sickness, we do eventually block out the sadness, and tend to remember only the good things about the people we've loved and lost.

derekgas · 05-02-2009, 18:55

Thank you all, I did of course explain that the memories and the love will always be there, and the kids go to a catholic school, so they have a reasonable understanding I think, they all said they would pray for him, even though it is not my belief, I am happy that they have a way to express themselves, it is thier own decision what to make of religion, and I will not influence them in any way, for the time being, the belief serves a useful purpose.

Ossywarrior · 05-02-2009, 18:56

when my dad died it wasnt a problem telling my youngest who was 3 but telling my oldest that her grandad who she loved to bits had died was tricky but i went to school and told her teacher and they kept a close eye on her for me which was really good.

Gayle · 05-02-2009, 19:01

I've had to explain death quite a lot recently to my two and stuck to the plain and simple approach.

I told them that people never ever die in your heart and just because you can't see someone regularly doesn't mean that you stop thinking about them and loving them.

BERNADETTE · 05-02-2009, 19:11

So sorry to hear of your bereavment. As has been mentioned the schools are very good at times like this. My grandchildren were encouraged to keep a diary of how they were feeling after Ian died. They are very resilient, in fact just yesterday my four year old grandson started a conversation about Grandad Ian.