Lazy women

[mobertol]

Originally Posted by garinda

That's nice for him.

I hope you don't give him a tip at Christmas, as well.

Originally Posted by garinda

It takes much more effort to frown, and you use more calories, than it does to smile.

It's the same with spitting.

So perhaps some ladies aren't as lazy as some would have you believe.

Cheeky - you have obviously been away for too long and I have let my guard down.

Easy to let standards slip - just goes to show how important it is to keep the old (or not so old) grey matter in training in case of attack.

PS my postie is always welcomed with a kiss -cheek to cheek , Italian Style -he doesn't expect a tip at Xmas being well-satisfied throughout the year...

[Eric]

Originally Posted by maxthecollie

That will only make her flatulent

Not to worry ... women can't fart; they don't keep their mouths closed long enough to allow the pressure to build up.

[Less]

As you all know, I have been in touch with my feminine side for a number of years. If there is one thing I have discovered it is just as easy to ignore the housework yourself as it is to have some woman ignore it for you.
Mine used to have her own method of getting the house tidied without lifting a finger,she would go out buy paint, paper and the sundries required for decorating on a Friday, leave a note telling me she had buggered off to her sister's for the weekend and would be back Sunday night to inspect the newly decorated kitchen/living room/bedroom/whatever.
The accumulated detritous of neglected corners would of course need to be cleared & strange shaped pieces of essential but ignored furniture would have to be moved before this task could be undertaken. Not once did she even consider preparing a room for that particular weekends 'Mission Impossible'.
She would of course have ensured that not only were there no meals prepared for the week-end but she would not even have stocked the fridge, after all if she's not there no-one else needs to eat do they?

I learnt that the simplest way to clear the room for action was to fill the corners of other rooms with the crap (where because of her house proud tendencies it would no doubt remain until she decided that particular room needed decorating).

When I first started decorating, I would prepare the surfaces, paper stripped down to bare walls, paintwork cleaned and sandpapered, towards the end none of this was done, just slap what I've got over whatever was already there, After all, decorating wasn't the main aim, cleaning the room was her objective and if she didn't have to do it then that was all the better for her.

At the very end of this routine close to when I finally got the house to myself, I would read her note, (gone sister's), and at the bottom of it add the simple phrase gone on the Pee with brother back Monday. This didn't add anything to the friendly atmosphere as I would be treated to a repeated version of, 'if I loved her I would have got on with it', for several months, mentioning that she could have cleared the space before leaving would only lead to that horrible silence where every action to 'accidently' make my life hell would be introduced.

Finally she left, I have discovered minimalism, I do the minimal amount of housework, minimal amount of decorating, all the clutter of useless ornamental furniture went in to a skip (couldn't minimalise that, I didn't know they made skips that big).

To the thread starter, please do not worry, one day you may be lucky enough to be on your own, you'll have a bathroom free of female bottles won't have to fight your way through drying tight's to use the bath, the toilet seat can be left in whatever position you wish and most importantly of all going to the fridge to get yourself a beer becomes a natural and pleasant experience because you won't have to fight your way past piles of fruit, veg' and sundry cuts of meat, because at last your fridge will only have beer in it, that is what the man that invented the fridge designed it for, things wouldn't be the way they are if that great man hadn't had a woman behind him turning a simple idea into something sooooo complex.

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by MargaretR

I was being gentle by not mentioning black widow spiders

There's a lot of them about and they're not necessarily spiders either

[davemac]

Originally Posted by garinda

Ah, that's nice.

You should have quoted her.

Made yourself clear.

Unless the cat's got her tongue.

I take it you read Viz as well.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by davemac

I take it you read Viz as well.

Not for about twenty years.

When it went all heavyweight, and intellectual.

More laughs in The Guardian's wimmins' section.

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by garinda

Not for about twenty years.

When it went all heavyweight, and intellectual.

More laughs in The Guardian's wimmins' section.

You reading Pole Dance Polly then

[davemac]

Originally Posted by garinda

Not for about twenty years.

When it went all heavyweight, and intellectual.

More laughs in The Guardian's wimmins' section.

I like wimmin, although I don't go to the local wimmin pool anymore, my costume requires a darn in the elbow.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Haven't you got the right colour of wool then?......or is it that you can't see to thread the needle

[davemac]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Haven't you got the right colour of wool then?......or is it that you can't see to thread the needle

Cant find the wooden mushroom.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Can't you improvise?

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Can't you improvise?

Whats that

[Margaret Pilkington]

Use an everyday item of a similar shape.

[maxthecollie]

Originally Posted by davemac

Cant find the wooden mushroom.

I remember my Grandma used to have a wooden mushroom for darning socks.

[davemac]

Originally Posted by maxthecollie

I remember my Grandma used to have a wooden mushroom for darning socks.

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Use an everyday item of a similar shape.

Thats the chap, also used for darning the elbows in swimming costumes.

I cant use other objects, tried using a portmanteau, couldn't get it down the sleeve, then tried using a posser, still no joy. Did try a slop stone, then got fed up, so went to find a new length of string to keep my straw boater on.