Linguistic tic's and crutches

[Acrylic-bob]

She once chaperoned us on a retreat to Ilkley in Yorkshire. I was shocked to my core!

I had always been taught to hold nuns as sainted, unworldly creatures who were as close to God as it was possible to get while still breathing and should be treated accordingly.

My illusions were shattered when she insisted that we should set to and clean the monastery accomodation we were staying in from top to bottom - or else! And then...

to indicate the seriousness of her intent....

she seized the hem of the front of her habit....

and hitched it up under her belt.

beneath she wore a second habit, equally as black as the first, but so filthy and stained it looked as though she used it for washing floors with.

I admit the experience has scarred me for life. I cannot now look at a nun without wondering about the state of her undergarments. What would you recommend doctor?

[mobertol]

Originally Posted by Acrylic-bob

I admit the experience has scarred me for life. I cannot now look at a nun without wondering about the state of her undergarments. What would you recommend doctor?

A certain number of Hail Mary's might help or you could do the Station's of the cross, of course.

Failing that a pilgrimage to Mary of Međugorje...

Oh, I have a nice set of rosary beads which I got when visiting the Holy Shroud in Turin - could always lend you them! If anything can work a miracle it should be them...

As a fnal resort you could live out the experience a second time -get a friend to dress up as a nun and then ritually undress them and wash the undies -it might just work

[Acrylic-bob]

Originally Posted by mobertol

-get a friend to dress up as a nun and then ritually undress them and wash the undies -it might just work

Dear Lord! I feel scarred anew, just at the thought of it.

You can imagine the sort of ad I would have to put on Gaydar, can't you?
And the sort of people who might reply

[Eric]

Originally Posted by mobertol

A certain number of Hail Mary's might help or you could do the Station's of the cross, of course.

Failing that a pilgrimage to Mary of Međugorje...

Oh, I have a nice set of rosary beads which I got when visiting the Holy Shroud in Turin - could always lend you them! If anything can work a miracle it should be them...

As a fnal resort you could live out the experience a second time -get a friend to dress up as a nun and then ritually undress them and wash the undies -it might just work

I have a friend who doesn't mind dressing up; should try the "nun" thing on her. Maybe with handcuffs instead of a rosary.

Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum ......

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by Acrylic-bob

The surrepticiousness was for your benefit, I know you are a good Paddock House Girl and thus would not wish to be seen as a dreadful old lush, like us Holy Family Boys.

BTW. Did you ever encounter a creature by the name of Sister Mary Catherine? What a cow!

Um was that her who had a sister called fu kin

[mobertol]

Originally Posted by Eric

I have a friend who doesn't mind dressing up; should try the "nun" thing on her. Maybe with handcuffs instead of a rosary.

Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum ......

I think A -b might prefer a sweet-looking "he" -I also suspect his penchant for things " As firm and shapley as two billiard balls in a silk handkerchief" (his words, not mine, on this very thread!) could also be linked to the incident which has scarred his mind sub-consciously -something glimpsed as SMC raised her "Soutane" on that fateful day

Facing ones "Demons" in this case could turn out to be fun though

[Acrylic-bob]

Originally Posted by mobertol

I think A -b might prefer a sweet-looking "he" -I also suspect his penchant for things " As firm and shapley as two billiard balls in a silk handkerchief" (his words, not mine, on this very thread!) could also be linked to the incident which has scarred his mind sub-consciously -something glimpsed as SMC raised her "Soutane" on that fateful day

Facing ones "Demons" in this case could turn out to be fun though

There is so much wrong with this post I scarcely know where to start.

First of all Nuns wear a 'Habit' not a 'Soutane' A Soutane is a close fitting cassock usually buttoned at the front and is worn by male clergy only.

Secondly the phrase regarding billiard balls was, I believe. first coined by the character Dorien Green in the sitcom 'Birds of a Feather' where the character used it in reference to the buttocks of a current boyfriend.

The linkage of my scarred mind, the vesture of male clergy, billiard balls, a nun, her filthy underskirts and latin chanting transvestites is too much to contemplate and is beyond bearing.

Acrylic-Bob is now under close medical supervision and copious quantities of psychoactive medication. The prognosis is not good.

signed,

A Doctor.

[mobertol]

Originally Posted by Acrylic-bob

There is so much wrong with this post I scarcely know where to start.

First of all Nuns wear a 'Habit' not a 'Soutane' A Soutane is a close fitting cassock usually buttoned at the front and is worn by male clergy only.

Secondly the phrase regarding billiard balls was, I believe. first coined by the character Dorien Green in the sitcom 'Birds of a Feather' where the character used it in reference to the buttocks of a current boyfriend.

The linkage of my scarred mind, the vesture of male clergy, billiard balls, a nun, her filthy underskirts and latin chanting transvestites is too much to contemplate and is beyond bearing.

Acrylic-Bob is now under close medical supervision and copious quantities of psychoactive medication. The prognosis is not good.

signed,

A Doctor.

Esteemed Physician,

I am always open to correction (whatever means are used to impart it) and will add the citation from "Birds of a Feather" to my UK Trivia notebook for further reference and study on the popular TV commedies page. Unfortunately, I have never had the pleasure of seeing this series having already fled the UK when it aired. It was a beautifully poetic description of that part of the anatomy and I believed it to be an authentic A-b original.

As to the use of "Soutane" i was tricked by translating from the Italian "Sottana" which is used here to mean the nun's habit

So, doubly corrected and extremely worried for A-b's worsening mental health prognosis, I will make an extra invocation to Our Lady of Caravaggio when i set off shortly on my annual pilgrimage.

In the meantime I hope that you will pass on the following image of "La Madonna di Caravaggio" for him to contemplate in his more lucid moments.
Please tell him that I will be fasting every first Friday of the month as penance for adding to his distress.

Yours etc, R.E.Pentant

[mobertol]

To get back on to linguistics -saw an interview on the news with a young woman in Los Angeles yesterday -victim of an arsonist. She must have said "like", like a hundred times like!

[annesingleton]

Being a good catholic girl (not!) I was taught by nuns from the age of 4 at St Josephs Audley in Blackburn until I left Notre Dame Grammar School in 1971. My over riding memory at the age of five is of a sadistic nun called sister gertrude putting pliers in my mouth and trying to pull out my teeth because she was under the erroneous impression that I had been biting. I am now 56 and the memory stays with me.
It is my opinion that nuns take the habit because they are inadequate people who cannot function appropriately in the real world.

[Tealeaf]

'ere's a good 'un.

I popped into Tesco yesterday for a few bits and pieces and on the cooked meats/cheese aisle I came across a packet of (cheap) bacon which was labelled 'Cooking Bacon'. At 79p there was not much to lose, so I decided to invest in the said product.

However, I remain a little puzzled. Can anyone advise how I cook 'cooking bacon' as against cooking bacon (fried or grilled)? I shall have sleepless nights until I find out the answer.

[Eric]

Originally Posted by Tealeaf

'ere's a good 'un.

I popped into Tesco yesterday for a few bits and pieces and on the cooked meats/cheese aisle I came across a packet of (cheap) bacon which was labelled 'Cooking Bacon'. At 79p there was not much to lose, so I decided to invest in the said product.

However, I remain a little puzzled. Can anyone advise how I cook 'cooking bacon' as against cooking bacon (fried or grilled)? I shall have sleepless nights until I find out the answer.

Maybe it's not a good idea to be discussing bacon on a forum which, no doubt, subscribes to multicultural bs. However, maybe it's a "grade" of bacon ... considering the price, a very low grade. The kind that, even if well cooked, will give you sleepless nites: heartburn, running to the can etc. Maybe just stick it in the microwave on high, and zap the s**t out of it. Or, you could toss it outside for the birds and squirrels (if you don't have any squirrels, I would be happy to supply a few hundred from my yard.) ... If they survive, invite your neighbours to try it.

Oh, and Happy New Year, eh.

[susie123]

Originally Posted by Tealeaf

'ere's a good 'un.

I popped into Tesco yesterday for a few bits and pieces and on the cooked meats/cheese aisle I came across a packet of (cheap) bacon which was labelled 'Cooking Bacon'. At 79p there was not much to lose, so I decided to invest in the said product.

However, I remain a little puzzled. Can anyone advise how I cook 'cooking bacon' as against cooking bacon (fried or grilled)? I shall have sleepless nights until I find out the answer.

It's for putting in stews and casseroles for a bit of extra flavour. Usually all sorts of bits and pieces some of which might be OK for frying or grilling for your brekky or a butty. Good value, usually.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by Tealeaf

'ere's a good 'un.

I popped into Tesco yesterday for a few bits and pieces and on the cooked meats/cheese aisle I came across a packet of (cheap) bacon which was labelled 'Cooking Bacon'. At 79p there was not much to lose, so I decided to invest in the said product.

However, I remain a little puzzled. Can anyone advise how I cook 'cooking bacon' as against cooking bacon (fried or grilled)? I shall have sleepless nights until I find out the answer.

It's pig penis.

Use plenty of grease.

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by annesingleton

Being a good catholic girl (not!) I was taught by nuns from the age of 4 at St Josephs Audley in Blackburn until I left Notre Dame Grammar School in 1971. My over riding memory at the age of five is of a sadistic nun called sister gertrude putting pliers in my mouth and trying to pull out my teeth because she was under the erroneous impression that I had been biting. I am now 56 and the memory stays with me.
It is my opinion that nuns take the habit because they are inadequate people who cannot function appropriately in the real world.

No doubt sister Gertrude would have washed your mouth out with soapy water if she'd have heard you say that anne