Parental responsibility

[Margaret Pilkington]

I taught her all I know

[cashman]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I taught her all I know

It obviously worked well.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Well, Cashy...so far, so good.
Her children were not allowed mobile phones until last September...they are not allowed on social media(despite their requests).
The phones are conditional and their mum vets the history on a regular basis.
Their accounts are linked to hers so that she can monitor what they are doing.

Obviously as they get older there will have to be some changes, but these will be discussed with the children.
Children are not the equals to parents...you cannot be 'friends'(well, not until the children grow up to be adults).
Parents are there to protect children and this gets more problematic over the years.
It is not about control, it is about safety, security and trying to ensure that there is some protection from the things that are out there that can harm them.

[Margaret Pilkington]

I know that parenting is not an exact science...it is more of an art.
I know that methods and strategies are not foolproof. You can only do your best with the experience that life has given you. Even then,you can still get it wrong.
Getting it wrong can have disastrous consequences.

I feel for the parents of the 15 year old. They will live with their own brand of nightmare for the rest of their lives and will be asking themselves all the 'if only' questions, with no answers.

If you raise children to be happy, then you deserve a medal.

[Less]

Well I used to throw a few bones into my kids room if they chewed on them then they were fed otherwise, tough, it taught them to look after themselves, why should I have to put up with the responsibility?

Actually, that just seems to be the response of Ner' do wells, the aim of the majority of parents even in todays society fortunately is to ensure their children have the basics of a decent upbringing, (otherwise we would suffer even more chaos).
So, perhaps we need to put up with the animals other people rear?
They make us seem most perfect.

[monkey hanger]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I know that parenting is not an exact science...it is more of an art.
I know that methods and strategies are not foolproof. You can only do your best with the experience that life has given you. Even then,you can still get it wrong.
Getting it wrong can have disastrous consequences.

I feel for the parents of the 15 year old. They will live with their own brand of nightmare for the rest of their lives and will be asking themselves all the 'if only' questions, with no answers.

If you raise children to be happy, then you deserve a medal.

seems your daughter is doing a good job margaret but don,t think it,s an art though it,s more like good luck. others will attempt that type of parenting and bring up a nightmare child and others will have a couldn,t care less approach and bring up a dream child. so called experts have wrote articles and books about parenting and it,s not a suit all situation. every family are different and just getting it right for you doesn,t mean it will be for someone else.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Yes, I am the first to admit that there is no 'one size fits all' parenting...and children are not like domestic appliances.
They do not come with instructions or trouble shooting manuals.
All that said, your children are yours you know them best(or should do) you know what turns their screw(and they know what turns yours).
Being one of 7 children, I know that all of us were different...but our parents had strict guidelines and rules which had to be followed...I think this helps as most children need to have some sort of continuity and being consistent is also important.You start off as you mean to go on.
setting ground rules early is(in my opinion) the way forward.

When my daughter came and told me that other parents would let their daughter s do this that and the other...I told her that was their business, not the way I worked.

Children are not like petunias....you can't guarantee how they will go..even when you do everything 'right'.

[hilleluk]

The one thing that worries me the most is Drugs. All these issues have been spoken about between my daughter and her son. Hopefully he will take notice.

[monkey hanger]

drugs are the main problem that parents have to put up with. most like me at the time knew nothing about drugs or where to obtain em. we were happy with the secret fag behind the bike sheds or the odd bottle of beer we could get our hands on but the drug business is a new world for most of us.

[Less]

Originally Posted by monkey hanger

drugs are the main problem that parents have to put up with. most like me at the time knew nothing about drugs or where to obtain em. we were happy with the secret fag behind the bike sheds or the odd bottle of beer we could get our hands on but the drug business is a new world for most of us.

In actual fact I consider children to be the main problem, we form relationships, these often produce off-spring, we are delighted at a succesful birth and look forward to bringing them up in an image of perfection.

Then after many years of frustration, (on both sides) they realise they are individual human beans and start practicing their independence, this is when peer pressure comes in and unless you are really, really lucky, even the most perfect child ever born will kick against the traces. (That may even be part of the way to become adult????).

I have been lucky, both of my responsibilities finally ended up maturing to be sensible humans, they even attempt to bring their own children up in a similar manner, only time will tell if how they are doing it, turns out to be something like correct.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Less, I think that most parents are aware that children will test their mettle.(in every respect)
You can only do what you can do.
You cannot be behind the little darlings 24 hrs a day.

As for drugs, I wish there was some additive they could put in the concoctions that turn their skin green and warty.
Then parents would know what they had been up to...and no girl would want to be wearing that look...and no boy would ever get a girlfriend looking like toad of toad hall.

There are other things as well....sending rude pictures to one another on mobile phones.
As a teen I would not undress in front of anyone...I was far too embarrassed to exhibit naked flesh.
So what has changed in young girls/boys of today? I'm blowed if I know.

[monkey hanger]

As a teen I would not undress in front of anyone...I was far too embarrassed to exhibit naked flesh.
So what has changed in young girls/boys of today? I'm blowed if I know.[/QUOTE]

could be a case of all the so called sex education that goes on nowadays at schools. when i was growing up the amount i got was zero and same with my mates. at the end of the day we knew how to respect our girl friends and later we knew how not to put em in the club. very few unwanted pregnancies then unlike you see nowadays. can,t blame the kids always for that as you put something in young heads and they,ll want to try it.

[Margaret Pilkington]

I don't think that is exactly true...about the unwanted pregnancies.
The teen pregnancy rate has fallen in this country to the lowest rate for decades.
Contraception has been available to young teens for a long time(via Community and sexual Health services and also through Brook Advisory) I think that this has had an impact on teen pregnancies.
And I know what I am talking about as I worked within the NHS in this speciality.

I am not sure that sex education lowers inhibitions....if you are not keen to exhibit you nakedness then I do not see how sex education would change that.

[cashman]

personally i think most pregnancies are wanted, just some wanted for the wrong reasons.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Not all accidental pregnancies are unwanted...but some pregnancies are definitely unwanted or there would be no need for terminations.