Revenge

THOTH · 22-02-2005, 20:06

Have you ever been annoyed and frustrated when trying to contact an organisation ? Have you had to respond to a robotic voice telling you to press various numbers ? Have you had to listen to music you hate for what seemed an eternity ?

A 96 year old woman wrote this to her Bank Manager.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman)

Better Tomorrows

Margaret Pilkington · 22-02-2005, 20:12

Bloody Marvellous Thoth........did it state anywhere what the reaction of the bank was?

Acrylic-bob · 22-02-2005, 21:01

Oh but wouldn't it be nice....?

park381 · 22-02-2005, 21:11

Nice one, but there is nothing better than going in to my local branch and seeing friendly smiling faces, all who greet you with "Good Morning Mr............." followed by "is that all"
at least I know my money is safe...........as it can be in a bank.

WillowTheWhisp · 22-02-2005, 22:37

Having worked on the other side of the Bank counter I must say you have an innocently optimistic view there park381

park381 · 23-02-2005, 07:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillowTheWhisp

Having worked on the other side of the Bank counter I must say you have an innocently optimistic view there park381

You could be right there,but times have changed, its all about customer service now. At least in the bank I use, been with them 30 years +

entwisi · 23-02-2005, 07:35

The Original Post is an old one, I think I saw it about 1996. Funny how teh old ones still do the rounds

As for working for a Bank, I did, only in the IT shop until they sold me as a slave to my current wonderful employers.

WillowTheWhisp · 23-02-2005, 07:41

I'm not that old park381 and I'm still in touch with some ex-colleagues who still work there and believe me customer service is never what it's all about. It's all about making a profit, but they have to give you the impression that it's all about customer service. I'm glad I got out when I did because I couldn't live with myself when I had to be such a hypocrite.

park381 · 23-02-2005, 08:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillowTheWhisp

I'm not that old park381 and I'm still in touch with some ex-colleagues who still work there and believe me customer service is never what it's all about. It's all about making a profit, but they have to give you the impression that it's all about customer service. I'm glad I got out when I did because I couldn't live with myself when I had to be such a hypocrite.

May be you are correct, but is everything in business not geared round profit, I worked in local gov. and did the same thing as you "got out" because of staff reduction and increased workload,and a change in attitude of the managers who were only looking at fees earned.
I know the banks are there to make a profit, but its nice to be greeted in a friendly manner by the bank staff.

WillowTheWhisp · 23-02-2005, 08:25

The staff members aren't the problem. When I first began my banking career it was all aimed at doing what was best for the customer but policy changed over the years so that it became more focused on what was most profitable for the bank. That doesn't mean the staff are any less friendly or care any less about the customers but the ones who really have the customer's best interests at heart are in a dilemma because what they would like to do isn't always the same as what the bank would like them to do. When I say "the bank" this isn't even local or area management level because a lot of managers are also of the old school and dislike having to regard customers in this way but if they want to keep their job they have to accept that following bank policy is what pays their wages.

Of course we made a profit in the old days too because otherwise none of us would have had a pay packet but it wasn't done in the same cut-throat way.

park381 · 23-02-2005, 08:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillowTheWhisp

The staff members aren't the problem. When I first began my banking career it was all aimed at doing what was best for the customer but policy changed over the years so that it became more focused on what was most profitable for the bank. That doesn't mean the staff are any less friendly or care any less about the customers but the ones who really have the customer's best interests at heart are in a dilemma because what they would like to do isn't always the same as what the bank would like them to do. When I say "the bank" this isn't even local or area management level because a lot of managers are also of the old school and dislike having to regard customers in this way but if they want to keep their job they have to accept that following bank policy is what pays their wages.

Of course we made a profit in the old days too because otherwise none of us would have had a pay packet but it wasn't done in the same cut-throat way.

As I said times have changed, I could not stand the hassle and pressure any longer, that's why I got out several years before the golden age of retirement, mind some of the younger ones in the office could be working till their 70 !!

entwisi · 23-02-2005, 09:18

The issue is that most banks are run with a view firmly on shareholder return. I see it every day, Cost cutting, efficiency drives they even made the girls who looked after stationary/printer paper/etc redundant so in a office of 1500 people you have to order your own/give cost centres/arrange delivery/storage etc. Its a joke, You need a new pen? Fill these 6 online forms in please sir!

THOTH · 23-02-2005, 16:35

Just realised I posted this thread twice -- see "What`s good for the goose -- " --- but don`t ask how it happened.

Tealeaf · 23-02-2005, 16:38

[QUOTE=THOTH]Just realised I posted this thread twice -- see "What`s good for the goose -- " --- but don`t ask how it happened.[/QUOTE

You were drunk at the time, that's how it happened.

park381 · 23-02-2005, 16:52

[QUOTE=Tealeaf]

Quote:

Originally Posted by THOTH

Just realised I posted this thread twice -- see "What`s good for the goose -- " --- but don`t ask how it happened.[/QUOTE

You were drunk at the time, that's how it happened.

Must have been lol