so my mum died this afternoon...

[ANNE]

I would go just to say " goodbye and Good riddance." It would also be nice for you to be there for your sisters.
But at the end of the day it can only be your decision. You have to do whats right for you.

[norwich stanley]

Bit of a tough one.... i havent spoke to my father for 12 yrs but have already decided when that phone call comes i definately wont be going to no funeral.Wont be dancing on no graves either,just be going about my daily business.I'm sure you'll come to the right decision.

[garinda]

Personally I'd stay at home and enjoy spending the day with your family.

Proving, despite your mum's example, that you've turned out to be a good parent.

I hope with time you can remember something good about your mum. She must have had something bad happen to her to make her be so cruel.

[blazey]

I think you should go, because you might regret not properly saying good bye to her. Although you might despise her for the way she treated you, everything that has happened to you in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. I think you may feel better if you try and forgive her for what she did, because although she didn't show it, like any mother I'm sure she loved you as her son very much.

I'm sure she'd have loved you regardless if you had been the one who acted in such a way. They say that even the mothers of the most terrible murderers and criminals still love their sons regardless. I'm sure it can work vice versa and you might be able to find enough love for your mum to say your final goodbyes to her?

Don't be stubborn and live to regret it, that's all I'm saying really. But dont go if you truly cant find it in your heart to forgive her or give her any real compassion.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by blazey

They say that even the mothers of the most terrible murderers and criminals still love their sons regardless. I'm sure it can work vice versa

I don't wish to hijack this thread, but I think the children of Rosemary West might disagree with you on that one.

[glasgow guy]

Originally Posted by blazey

I think you should go, because you might regret not properly saying good bye to her. Although you might despise her for the way she treated you, everything that has happened to you in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. I think you may feel better if you try and forgive her for what she did, because although she didn't show it, like any mother I'm sure she loved you as her son very much.

I'm sure she'd have loved you regardless if you had been the one who acted in such a way. They say that even the mothers of the most terrible murderers and criminals still love their sons regardless. I'm sure it can work vice versa and you might be able to find enough love for your mum to say your final goodbyes to her?

Don't be stubborn and live to regret it, that's all I'm saying really. But dont go if you truly cant find it in your heart to forgive her or give her any real compassion.

a mother who tells her son that she wished he died at birth is not a mother who loves her son - in my eyes
and I cannot forgive her for what she done to me as a kid - how I dont have any emotional/mental scars from it is anyones guess...
I am not being stubborn about it...simply realistic about it...and the only reason I would go if my sisters asked me to go.
I would go for them - not for me to say any goodbyes - my goodbyes were said 8 years ago when she abused me down the phone after telling her I was moving to england...
she has been making her bed for the last 30 years - now she can lie in it for eternity..

[blazey]

Originally Posted by garinda

I don't wish to hijack this thread, but I think the children of Rosemary West might disagree with you on that one.

I dont think Glasgow Guys mother is quite on the same level as Rosemary West. I didn't say it MUST work vice versa either, I said surely it is possible.

[blazey]

Originally Posted by glasgow guy

a mother who tells her son that she wished he died at birth is not a mother who loves her son - in my eyes
and I cannot forgive her for what she done to me as a kid - how I dont have any emotional/mental scars from it is anyones guess...
I am not being stubborn about it...simply realistic about it...and the only reason I would go if my sisters asked me to go.
I would go for them - not for me to say any goodbyes - my goodbyes were said 8 years ago when she abused me down the phone after telling her I was moving to england...
she has been making her bed for the last 30 years - now she can lie in it for eternity..

I don't know either you or your mother, and it's upto you what you do in the end. But I dont think you need to ask the forum whether you should go when you clearly know the answer already. Just follow your heart.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by blazey

I dont think Glasgow Guys mother is quite on the same level as Rosemary West. I didn't say it MUST work vice versa either, I said surely it is possible.

I'm afraid we'll have to disagree.

To me blood isn't stronger than water. The strongest thing of all is love, and that sadly doesn't always come from a parent.

Like I said earlier, I really hope one day Glasgowguy will be able to have at least one fond memory of his mum.

I don't think people are born bad, my instincts, without knowing the facts, is that this woman must have had something terrible happen to her in her life, to turn out such a bad parent.

No offence meant, Glasgowguy.

[blazey]

Originally Posted by garinda

I'm afraid we'll have to disagree.

To me blood isn't stronger than water. The strongest thing of all is love, and that sadly doesn't always come from a parent.

Like I said earlier, I really hope one day Glasgowguy will be able to have at least one fond memory of his mum.

I don't think people are born bad, my instincts, without knowing the facts, is that this woman must have had something terrible happen to her in her life, to turn out such a bad parent.

No offence meant, Glasgowguy.

Must be my forgiving catholic upbringing that makes me want to forgive everyone.

[Doug]

Do what’s right for you. If you go you may find closure, you might find it in yourself to stand aside of your past and forgive your mother for her abuse and in doing so you may yourself feel stronger and find the strength to move on. You’ll never forget what happened and don’t say your mothers death isn’t affecting you, it clearly is. If you don’t go in time you might regret it.

If you go, your in control, you get go as close or as far away from your mothers remains as you choose, you can choose who you associate with. Above all you’ll know one way or the other if it was the right thing for you. If you don’t go you might find yourself asking questions and allowing the past to follow you through life.

There’s a lot of pain here, people should keep that in mind when replying…


What ever your choice I hope you find peace and if possible forgiveness.

[Alan Gilmartin]

Im with Garinda.

[Margaret Pilkington]

GG you must do what feels best for you.
As other people have observed.....only you know what is the right thing.
If you do go, then you don't have to sit and listen to a false eulogy spoken by someone who knows nothing about the past.....you can go the the coffin and tell your Mum your pain....how you were made to feel worthless.......and how this made you feel.
Or you could stay at home and write down your feelings and then burn them....each of those things may help you to achieve closure......as for revenge. No, it doesn't help anything. Just be glad you have found someone in your life who makes living good, and focus on your family.
I wish peace for you.

[panther]

Originally Posted by blazey

Must be my forgiving catholic upbringing that makes me want to forgive everyone.

catholic upbringing?, you only went to the school...LOL

[grannyclaret]

Sounds Like Your Dammed If You Do And Dammed If You Dont go to the funeral ,,,,
If Your Realy, Realy Not Sure ... Then Toss A Coin...fate Is A Funny Thing ............