To be married or not to be married.....

[mobertol]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Less, you are right. Without marriage there would have been no relationship at all.

We have, like all other married and unmarried people in long term relationships, had our ups and downs....and it isn't just the piece of paper that keeps us together....it is the caring for one another....the companionship.
Sometimes I don't like the man....and I am sure that he feels the same about me.....(I must infuriate the hell out of him).....but when all is said and done I love the bones of him. Our lives would have been so much poorer had we not met and married.

Well, I think that just about says it all Margaret...not bad to be able to say that after 45 years together that's double life-sentence by the way

[Margaret Pilkington]

Yes, I know.....and when I am irritated by things he does, I remind myself that if I had done him in with the carving knife during my PMT days.....
1) I might have got off - balance of mind affected by hormones and all that kind of stuff.

2) I would have been out and established a fine new life for myself.....!

Except that, perhaps without him it wouldn't have been so fine.
I somehow think we balance one another out. They say that for every stale bit of bread, there is a stale bit of cheese....for every pot there is a lid.
I think he is my stale bit of bread...my potlid.

[cashman]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

I have my own pension Cashy......I contributed all my life...and I would guess that a lot of women of my era are the same......
Being married isn't about money.

I would assume most folk wi n ounce of common know marrige aint about money, but must disagree that a lot of women have a private pension, that may well apply to the "Public Sector" workforce, but it certainly don't to the Private Sector, n my point is simple money comes into play far more when yer getting owd, heating bills on there own gobble much of it, i myself am fortunate to have a private pension, but i know a hell of a lot n many older than me that dont. aint trying to change yer view, but personally i think a married old age pension is a ruddy disgrace.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Not talking about a private pension Cashy. I have a state pension in my own right....because I worked and paid full contributions...including those SERPS.
The married pension is payable to women who either stayed at home to look after children, or (if I am not mistaken) didn't pay a full contribution and relied on their husbands contribution for their pension entitlement.

Cashy, you are right about money playing an important part when you are older...but I planned my retirement......I saved for it (fat lot of good it has done me) so that I would not be a drain on the benefits system. I have always been an independent baggage.
I also have my vocational pension. Life would be grim on just state pension

[lettie]

I have to admit that I am one of the people who is not legally married. Me and Sparks live together and recently bought a new house. We are co-dependent on each other financially and in every way that a married couple would be.
I don't feel that I need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm married because for all intents and purposes we already are.
My only word of advice to co-habiting couples would be to protect yourselves legally, nominate pensions, life insurances etc.....
Marriage and living together isn't just about romance, it is also about the merging and protection of both of your assets. For those of us who have been married (I was married several years ago), we know only too well that divorce can have a massive impact on your pocket as well as your psyche.
I did my own divorce and never used a solicitor, it was this that made me realise that it is entirely possible to look after each other legally and financially without that piece of paper.

In my book it's each to their own. Sparks and I had a very public romance right here on Accyweb where we met. That romance is still there, without the need for the piece of paper.

[accyman]

if your not bothered about the fuss of a wedding but want a family name one of the people could change their name by deedpoll .

much cheaper

[Retlaw]

Marriage is awreight fur women, but fellas shoud ev nowt tu du wi id.
Retlaw.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by lettie

I have to admit that I am one of the people who is not legally married. Me and Sparks live together and recently bought a new house. We are co-dependent on each other financially and in every way that a married couple would be.
I don't feel that I need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm married because for all intents and purposes we already are.
My only word of advice to co-habiting couples would be to protect yourselves legally, nominate pensions, life insurances etc.....
Marriage and living together isn't just about romance, it is also about the merging and protection of both of your assets. For those of us who have been married (I was married several years ago), we know only too well that divorce can have a massive impact on your pocket as well as your psyche.
I did my own divorce and never used a solicitor, it was this that made me realise that it is entirely possible to look after each other legally and financially without that piece of paper.

In my book it's each to their own. Sparks and I had a very public romance right here on Accyweb where we met. That romance is still there, without the need for the piece of paper.

You two are another example, like Marg P gave.

Two very different people, who fit together perfectly as a couple.

I wouldn't see you two any differently if you were wed.

You're a couple. A lovely couple, end of.

My mum and dad had nothing at all in common, as far as interests were concerned, except they shared ideals, and morals, which meant they were very happy as a couple.

I think it's great, when people meet the other half, they're meant to be with.

Although personally I'd hate it.

I was born to be a singleton, and that's the way it'll stay.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Originally Posted by lettie

I have to admit that I am one of the people who is not legally married. Me and Sparks live together and recently bought a new house. We are co-dependent on each other financially and in every way that a married couple would be.
I don't feel that I need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm married because for all intents and purposes we already are.
My only word of advice to co-habiting couples would be to protect yourselves legally, nominate pensions, life insurances etc.....
Marriage and living together isn't just about romance, it is also about the merging and protection of both of your assets. For those of us who have been married (I was married several years ago), we know only too well that divorce can have a massive impact on your pocket as well as your psyche.
I did my own divorce and never used a solicitor, it was this that made me realise that it is entirely possible to look after each other legally and financially without that piece of paper.

In my book it's each to their own. Sparks and I had a very public romance right here on Accyweb where we met. That romance is still there, without the need for the piece of paper.

As I said in an earlier post, we all have different life experiences which will affect how we approach/perceive marriage.
I know Lettie that you had a very bad experience with yours...and you did well to get out of it. No-one would expect you to stay in that kind of partnership.
I am glad you have found someone who values you and that you have made the right arrangement to ensure your financial and legal security

[Neil]

Originally Posted by jaysay

oh yes in that 22 years we've only had one argument and that was about my ex-wife

I can understand that

[Neil]

Originally Posted by garinda

I was born to be a singleton, and that's the way it'll stay.

I had to read that twice, thought you had put "simpleton"

[Less]

Originally Posted by lettie

In my book it's each to their own. Sparks and I had a very public romance right here on Accyweb where we met. That romance is still there, without the need for the piece of paper.

Yeah, a true romance, so glad I was there to see the start, here we are some sort of middle, PLEASE, don't tell me how it will end, I'm already on tenterhooks about it.

Good luck to you both.

[annesingleton]

Originally Posted by jaysay

Well I've tried it twice and the only plus I got out of it was two great kids, Ive now been in a relationship for 22 years, never thought of getting married never lived full time together and it works for me, oh yes in that 22 years we've only had one argument and that was about my ex-wife

I was very unhappily married for nearly thirty years to a compulsive gambler, we should have divorced long before but looking back he messed with my head and I felt trapped by him into staying. I think I should say that I'm by no means a weak woman, I have a very responsible professional job and don't come across as the sort of person who would be pushed around or manipulated! I've been in a new relationship now for over seven years and I'm extremely happy but I would never marry again.
Of my three children, only my youngest son is married. My oldest son has been with his partner for eighteen years and my daughter has been with her partner for fourteen years, they all have two children each and are settled. I honestly don't think that marriage matters a jot, it's commitment to the other person, caring and most of all respect that are the most important qualities in a relationship in my opinion!

[jaysay]

I know a young couple that have just split up, they'd bought a nice house (on Martgage) and funished it, now its over they are struggling to put things in order, its such a shame

[Less]

Originally Posted by jaysay

I know a young couple that have just split up, they'd bought a nice house (on Martgage) and funished it, now its over they are struggling to put things in order, its such a shame

Whereabouts in Accy is Martgage?

Is it part of those tatty houses on Blackburn road with balconies straight over the Church traffic lights congestion?