Weather Madness Humour

SPUGGIE J · 26-12-2005, 15:01

There is chaos forcast for the south east as several centimetres of snow are forcast for the next 24 hours. Asked if th they were ready the local councils replied " at present we do not have the capacity to deal with
this unusual weather and will be asking for assistance from the govenment." The responce from govenment is "if it becomes nessesery to provide aid for to the local authorities we will try and accomidate them in theirtime of need, but only if all requests are considered to be of a nature that would require such aid and that the local authourities can foot part of the bill."

Local army and airforce bases are on standby for the evacuation of all important personel from the areas that could be affected so that it will be "business as usual" in the City. When asked about members of the public
there was a vague reference to them getting aid but most would have to fend for themselves. Asked about the proposed actions people from the town of Longfield Hill gave this response; "why should we be allowed to
suffer while the privelaged few are taken to safety?" "how are we supposed to live under these conditions?""how will we be be able to entertain friends and shop for our wines spirits and food?" "how will I be able to attend my gym classes?"

One lady was asked if the fact she had a Range Rover would allow her to get about to which she replied; "my Range Rover is not designed for a few inches of snow it is my pride and joy and status symbol and is therefore staying in ones garage!" Several othere 4 x 4 owners agreed with her and would be following her example and not risking their beloved status symbols. Another reaction was that the authorities should beprepared for anything the weather can throw at them and that is why they pay their council tax. When it was pointed out that their 4 x 4's where designed for these conditions one fainted and the other stated he would be consulting his lawyer for the inferance that he should risk his life in a few centimetres of snow in a veichle designed for running about town.

If this forcast is proven right we can only conclude that the home counties will grind to a halt quicker than a sleeping tortoise. Therefore we advise that the home counties residents especially those in Kent stay
indoors untill the snow either thaws or until the council can clear the roads. The authorities are quoting that all major highways should be cleared in a maximum of 6 hours and are appologising in advance for any
inconvenience the situation may cause. As a precaution they will deliver restaurant meals to home bound peopleso as to be sure they are fed.

accymel · 26-12-2005, 16:24

the dreaded white stuff ain't coming up here is it?????????

lettie · 26-12-2005, 17:21

Sometimes I get the feeling that some people are too stupid to survive in this world. I can't believe that these idiots are allowed to vote.

Less · 26-12-2005, 18:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPUGGIE J

As a precaution they will deliver restaurant meals to home bound peopleso as to be sure they are fed.

Can I ask how? If the roads are blocked by this 'Terrible Blizzard', & the councils can't clear the roads, how will the meals be delivered?

I trust by 'home bound', they mean the elderly and infirm, not the plonkers that refuse to even try because their driving skills are a minimum!

garinda · 26-12-2005, 18:22

It's winter, it gets cold, we sometimes have frost. or.........gasp.......even snow. Big bloody deal.

Ten years ago this very night I went to a family party at my godfathers, as I'm doing tonight. It was a bitterly frosty night. I was expected to be back at work the very next day, ableit a little late, but they loved me, so they always forgave me.

My Mum skidded me to Accrington station the next morning at 5am, on ungritted roads. I'd bought my ticket, and was supposed to catch the 05.45 train, changing at Preston, arriving at Euston at a little after ten.

7am a train eventually arrived at Accy, by which time my wet hair from my shower had frozen, and my luggage had stuck to the floor. We were told at Preston that there were no trains going south as it was too cold, and our best bet was to go to Manchester, and try and get a train to London there.

I won't bore you with the details, and British Railway's inability to cope winter, I'll just say that by 2pm, when I was stranded at a little country station without a shelter somewhere in Cheshire, I was so cold and fed up I nearly cried.

I missed the whole day at work and eventually got back into my flat in London at 10pm at night. I swore never again, but of course the next year I had to go through the whole charade again.

Other countries in the world have unsuprisingly cold winters and cope very well, God only knows why we can't get our act together, and at least pretend we are prepared.

SPUGGIE J · 27-12-2005, 07:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less

Can I ask how? If the roads are blocked by this 'Terrible Blizzard', & the councils can't clear the roads, how will the meals be delivered?

I trust by 'home bound', they mean the elderly and infirm, not the plonkers that refuse to even try because their driving skills are a minimum!

Yes the service was for elderly infirm and those people with young babies. The deliveries were by the Olympic Cross Country skiing team, who were ideally suited to this task.

SPUGGIE J · 27-12-2005, 08:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by accymel

the dreaded white stuff ain't coming up here is it?????????

With luck no it will stay south of Manchester.

accymel · 27-12-2005, 16:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPUGGIE J

With luck no it will stay south of Manchester.

errrr well looks like my Q was answered then - it did come up here LOL

SPUGGIE J · 28-12-2005, 18:12

wHY IS sCOTLAND NOT GETTING THUMPED BY THE SNOW? IS IT BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR?
Its not fare cannot go sledging so am off in a creamy!

West Ender · 28-12-2005, 22:37

Where I live we are just about at sea-level (just one lock on the Manchester Ship Canal between here and Liverpool) so if it snows it never lasts long. Even so, if we get an half an inch of snow and it freezes, Warrington, where I work, comes to a standstill. The swing-bridges over the Ship Canal always get stuck, usually half-way open.

In the late 1960s we lived in Whitby, N. Yorks, and we used to get cut-off from the outside world by snow for at least 5 days every Winter because all the roads out of Whitby are uphill. That could be great fun if the power-lines came down too and we had no electricity. I cooked quite a few meals on an oil-stove by candle-light.

I can remember the Winter of 1947, when the snow was deeper than my wellies and coal was rationed, and 1962/63 when I used to travel from Accrington to Bury by steam train - a journey that often took 3 hours in carriages that had no heating.

England has always been unprepared for Winter weather and never copes with it. In an age when we have instant communication with everywhere in the world and have had men on the moon, it's bizarre.