What A Difference

BERNADETTE · 12-09-2008, 20:39

Just before the summer holidays my daughter and I went to the school about my grandson being bullied. We saw the head teacher, his form teacher and the teaching assistant for his class. Before we could voice our concerns the three of them proceeded to tell us what a bad child he was. It really was quite horrible and though we both know he is no angel we couldn't for the life of us imagine he was the monstrous child they were describing. It seems that some of the kids were being nasty about his burns and when he retaliated they were running reporting him to the teacher(hence he was always the bad one). I even asked them if they knew that older boys had been holding him for boys his own age to punch(funny they knew nothing about this).

Now we have a new term and a different teacher and last week he was named "pupil of the week". I know it is early in the new term but can't help feeling that this teacher is going to be a big help in getting rid of all the negativity that seems to have surrounded him last year.

Is it just me or have any of you found that if a teacher has taken a dislike to your child their year in that class is a really bad one? Obviously we are talking jnior school with my grandson but have no doubt it happens at high school as well.

West Ender · 12-09-2008, 21:02

When we lived in Durham City our 2 older children were at the local primary school. Shortly before we were due to move to here, in Cheshire, we went to the parents' evening. Our daughter had been selected for the Grammar School (there was no 11+ exam, it went on teacher evaluation) and our son was a year behind her.

His teacher, who he had kept saying "wasn't very nice", met us with the accusation that he could be a "very silly boy". When pressed she couldn't really qualify this statement except to say he chattered and laughed a lot, though he wasn't at all disruptive. His work, she said, was "adequate" and yes, he would probably make Grammar School. We kept pressing for details of what she (obviously) didn't like about him but got no cogent answers until, as a parting shot, she said, "And his hand-eye co-ordination is almost non-existant", with a smug nod.

I often think of that woman when my very artistic (and now aged 43) son shows me his latest sketch or oil painting or when I hear him playing a complicated riff on the guitar. Seems like his hand and his eye got it together in the end.

Oh yes, I nearly forgot, he still chatters and laughs a lot.

forceten · 12-09-2008, 21:05

I had the same with my son Bernie. I know he was no angel, but his voice was the one that was always heard over the others, so it was him that got into trouble. Also, if another child hit or kicked him, he would always hit or kick back, and he was the one that was always caught.

I'm not saying that he didn't do anything wrong............oh believe me he did!! But he got himself a label.

I fought for ages saying that I thought there was something wrong with him, they told me I was talking rubbish!! I took matters into my own hands though, and through my GP I got him seen by a specialist. Turns out he had ADHD, and needed medicating. He also got a statement to help him at secondary school, and ended up going to a specialist boarding school who could help him.

Today he is a very different child, infact a young man.

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with your grandson.......this is all coming out wrong!!

What I'm trying to say is that some schools need to listen to the parents too, as sometimes they are right. It is the parents who don't support there children, and take no interest in what is going on at school that need to learn in my book.

Congratulations to your Grandson on his worker of the week award

Although that said...........I have a younger daughter who went to the same school, and she was not labelled at all..........it didn't matter who her big brother was......she was treated as an individual.

BERNADETTE · 12-09-2008, 21:58

We know he isn't an angel but it just seemed to always be him last year. Funnily enough my daughter phoned me not long back and as he was coming out of after school club tonight another lad threw a bottle at him just missing his head(must add it was plastic). My daughters mate was passing at the time and she heard the lads mum tell him "don't do that here there is CCTV". She asked the mum to repeat herself and was blanked, now is that not sending the message "do it but don't get caught?"
Proud to say that my grandson just walked away but my daughter and her mate are going into school on Monday to try and sort it.

katex · 12-09-2008, 22:15

Try and go onto the IPlayer for Radio 2 this afternoon Bernie. :-

BBC - Radio 2 - Shows - Jeremy Vine

Hit today's discussion on 'Schools' .. Ok, was about children starting a new school and associated problems, but the lady who was speaking talked plenty of sense with regard to bullying and addressing it with the schools,etc.
Worth a listen if you get the chance.

BERNADETTE · 12-09-2008, 22:25

Thanks Kate will have a listen

West Ender · 12-09-2008, 22:31

Don't despair, Bernie. Our Alan was the sort of kid that people either loved or hated. He never did anything bad and, I was always assured, he was always polite and well-behaved but teachers, in particular, couldn't always cope with his ebullient nature.

He has become the sort of son you'd really want, in his middle age (he'd kill me for saying that). He's not conventional, a rock-musician (Angus Young clone) lorry driver!, but he's very intelligent, very articulate, funny, entertaining and good-natured.

He was the only one of my 3 children who gave me any concern when he was growing up, mainly because he wouldn't stretch himself to achieve what he was so capable of, but he triumphed in the end and did just what he wanted to do. If your grandson turns out half as well (and I have a feeling he will) and is half as contented you'll be happy.

forceten · 12-09-2008, 22:40

Your description of your son reminds of my son west ender. He couldn't be bothered doing his GCES's. His attitude was.......well I know it, so why do I have to show other people that I know it. He took one exam..........and passed with a 93% pass.

The most infuriating thing is that I and his family know that he is a very intelligent lad, but he just doesn't see any worth at all at sitting exams. The one exam that he sat was maths!

Bonnyboy · 12-09-2008, 23:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by forceten

Your description of your son reminds of my son west ender. He couldn't be bothered doing his GCES's. His attitude was.......well I know it, so why do I have to show other people that I know it. He took one exam..........and passed with a 93% pass.

The most infuriating thing is that I and his family know that he is a very intelligent lad, but he just doesn't see any worth at all at sitting exams. The one exam that he sat was maths!

Can I ask what the motivation was for the lad to do the Math exam, did he feel he had to prove himself in that particular subject ? Just being nosey

forceten · 12-09-2008, 23:06

It was the first exam he took.............after that he decided that he wasn't taking anymore as they were too easy for him!

Bonnyboy · 12-09-2008, 23:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by forceten

It was the first exam he took.............after that he decided that he wasn't taking anymore as they were too easy for him!

Just wondered thanks for the reply

garinda · 12-09-2008, 23:21

Teachers are so important.

A bad one can scar you for life, a good one can change your life for ever.

I only ever had one bad teacher. He was my French master when I was 13/14. I worked hard, was never any trouble for him, but for some reason he hated me, and that's not a word I use lightly.

I was popular, and always at the centre of things, perhaps that's why he took such an irrational dislike to me. Looking back the problem was his, not mine.

I went back to Q.E.G.S a couple of years ago, to give a talk to the art students. When I went into the staffroom for a coffee, there he was. He was nice as pie, and he did remember me. I just thought he seemed sad, and I think he knew I thought of him that way.

I hope your grandson blooms under the care of his new teacher Bernie. You must be proud of him.

By the way, great post about your son Westender.

grannyclaret · 13-09-2008, 00:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by garinda

Teachers are so important.

A bad one can scar you for life, a good one can change your life for ever.

I only ever had one bad teacher. He was my French master when I was 13/14. I worked hard, was never any trouble for him, but for some reason he hated me, and that's not a word I use lightly.

I was popular, and always at the centre of things, perhaps that's why he took such an irrational dislike to me. Looking back the problem was his, not mine.

.

How could anybody take a dislike to you?

Neil · 13-09-2008, 06:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by BERNADETTE

Before we could voice our concerns the three of them proceeded to tell us what a bad child he was.

Did you ask why this was the first time you had been informed by the school that there was a problem with your son's behaviour? How do they expect you to sort out a problem they had not told you about?

Quote:

Originally Posted by forceten

The most infuriating thing is that I and his family know that he is a very intelligent lad, but he just doesn't see any worth at all at sitting exams. The one exam that he sat was maths!

I find that statement rather annoying. It does not matter that you and your family know he is intelligent. What matters is that he passes his exams so he can prove his intelligence to others.
We live in a world where each level of exam results let's you move up the ladder farther. I am not saying that it is a good system or not but it is what we have at the moment.

BERNADETTE · 13-09-2008, 14:39

Quote:

Neil Did you ask why this was the first time you had been informed by the school that there was a problem with your son's behaviour? How do they expect you to sort out a problem they had not told you about?

This wasn't the first time my daughter had been told about his behaviour, he had spent quite a lot of the year losing priveleges because of the trouble he had been in. He had confided in me about being bullied but they just seemed to shrug it off and made him out to be the bad one

Hopefully things will carry on improving as they are now. He was really proud to get the award and got positive rewards for it. So onwards and upwards