What did your mother teach you?

[talentedbutslow]

What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

TAL

[SPUGGIE J]

Cruel to be kind def cruel to be kind.

Tal were on the web did you dig this and your others from?

[talentedbutslow]

ummmm........I,ve been round for a while... ..dug em up from everywhere....use most of them on my msn group site....they seem to appreciate them......

[SPUGGIE J]

I like them a lot as the truth in them is so canny its bordering on on the exact lives we live. Keep them comming svp.

[chav1]

my mum taught me how to duck

also know a few manouvers with a slipper i picked up over my childhood years and i also learnd that saying it never hurt usualy got me a harder beating lol

[SPUGGIE J]

Originally Posted by chav1

my mum taught me how to duck

also know a few manouvers with a slipper i picked up over my childhood years and i also learnd that saying it never hurt usualy got me a harder beating lol

So thats the reason for you being who you are then slippers and pain.

[chav1]

a good old fashioned beating never did anyone any harm its just a pitty no one beats their kids anymore

[SPUGGIE J]

Originally Posted by chav1

a good old fashioned beating never did anyone any harm its just a pitty no one beats their kids anymore

Very true Chav. Its all this do gooders doing the mess our country is in. You only have to take a bimble about on weekend evenings to see how bad it is . Chances are these "little hardo's" will proberly threaten their parents with the SS and the police. My daughter is actually quite good (touch wood) and knows were the line is so only crosses it once every blue moon thankfully. Some in her age group and younger make the actions of teens look normal. Safe to say a good pasting never did me any harm (yet anyway) thankfully.

[talentedbutslow]

My Dad had hard fists..........

[Basher]

'look after the pennies and the pounds'll look after themselves' is what my mum taught me, so I always blame her when folk say I'm a scrooge

[SPUGGIE J]

Originally Posted by Basher

'look after the pennies and the pounds'll look after themselves' is what my mum taught me, so I always blame her when folk say I'm a scrooge

Nowt wrong with fiscal prudence. It means you can buy the things you want.