What exactly is wrong with you? - Page 2

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 22:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Restless

Why are you here ? You tell me first. Prob would've been my response. If it was nothing serious then I would walk away without telling her anything.

Thanks Rob, that's a good one to remember.

Quote:

Originally Posted by davebtelford

Not wishing to trivialise anyone's medical condition but if you ask me "What exactly is wrong with you?" I'd have to reply - I don't know, people have told me some things but I'm still not sure! (psychological)

Like that one too, Dave.

Quote:

Originally Posted by davemac

Its not an easily answered question, and responses are not thought of before hand or rehearsed. So you cannot say why she was asking, just nosey! or just diagnosed and looking for some comfort in people already going through the experience.
I suppose the only answer you can give if you have to stay seated for a while, is to bounce it back by saying why are you asking, have you got cancer. However we all walk away thinking I should have said that, or done that.

I reckon she was nosey, she was obviously a regular patient as the staff recognised her so I don't think looking for reassurance etc. I would probably have opened up if I'd stayed but it was so obvious I was just leaving that I wondered why she bothered.

Thanks chaps for your input.

Retlaw · 21-02-2013, 23:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by susie123

No, when you're in there for a few hours with all sorts of folks you do often end up talking about your condition but it comes out gradually and you don't have to join in if you don't want to.

The point was this woman was right in my face, I'd known her for two minutes, and she could see I was leaving so I couldn't have carried on the conversation on anyway. Perhaps she was just ticking off different conditions on a twitcher's type list?

If some one comes in your face with a sudden question, just say "Why", they will have to think up some excuse for being nosy.
If some one says to me are you alright, my answer is "No", they then look concerned and ask why whats wrong, my responce to that is don't ask daft questions I'm half left.

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 23:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Retlaw

If some one comes in your face with a sudden question, just say "Why", they will have to think up some excuse for being nosy.
If some one says to me are you alright, my answer is "No", they then look concerned and ask why whats wrong, my responce to that is don't ask daft questions I'm half left.

Thanks Retlaw, the first one's a good answer but I'll have to learn to think quicker on my feet - and I was on my feet, she was sitting down..

And the second answer made me laugh even though it's a very old joke, my dad would say that if folk asked.

Restless · 21-02-2013, 23:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by susie123

Thanks Retlaw, the first one's a good answer but I'll have to learn to think quicker on my feet - and I was on my feet, she was sitting down..

And the second answer made me laugh even though it's a very old joke, my dad would say that if folk asked.

Given the place you were. No wonder you was flabbergasted. Then again personal questions from strangers is a bit weird.

walkinman221 · 22-02-2013, 19:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveinGermany

You some kind of necromancer ??

I dont think john would fit in with the new romancer thing, more of a teddy boy i would say

walkinman221 · 22-02-2013, 19:46

Oops sorry DIG NECROMANCER must get my eyes tested

walkinman221 · 22-02-2013, 19:50

As you know sue i have a little first hand on this subject and it is quite shocking sometimes the questions you are asked by strangers , but i think a lot of the time it is about not being the only one with a problem it helps with nerves and worries to chat (if sometimes inappropriately) to someone in the same boat so to speak.

susie123 · 22-02-2013, 20:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by walkinman221

As you know sue i have a little first hand on this subject and it is quite shocking sometimes the questions you are asked by strangers , but i think a lot of the time it is about not being the only one with a problem it helps with nerves and worries to chat (if sometimes inappropriately) to someone in the same boat so to speak.

Yeah Dave, I get all that, should do by now, but I wouldn't have minded after a bit more acquaintance and had I not been ready to leave. Surely she could have seen that? Anyway it's a couple of days ago now, I'll add it to my list of experiences.

Today I had to pop back to the hosp for a quick check and stopped to see a fellow patient who was in for a blood transfusion. He's on the same chemo regimen as me but a relative newbie so I've been trying to keep him informed and make him less anxious. We get on well and had a great chat today but then we are used to each other now. And I guess I'm always happier and find it easier talking to blokes than women, always have done from childhood.

Sunflower49 · 23-02-2013, 19:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by davebtelford

Not wishing to trivialise anyone's medical condition but if you ask me "What exactly is wrong with you?" I'd have to reply - I don't know, people have told me some things but I'm still not sure! (psychological)

I've said this answer before if someone says 'What's up with you!?' In a general sense (If I look flustered or miserable or something!) but I'm not sure I could use it in this case! In that situation, it's a lot more specific and much as it sounds as if the facilities and staff are as best they can be, I'm sure everybody there would rather they weren't. It would make me too, feel very uncomfortable!

Quote:

Originally Posted by susie123

Thanks Rob, that's a good one to remember.

Like that one too, Dave.

I reckon she was nosey, she was obviously a regular patient as the staff recognised her so I don't think looking for reassurance etc. I would probably have opened up if I'd stayed but it was so obvious I was just leaving that I wondered why she bothered.

Thanks chaps for your input.

I reckon she was just being nosy or perhaps looking to be reassured, or both!
It's her manner of asking that I would have a problem with.

If she had have said what she was in for and said she was a bit worried about some aspects of the treatments/staff/illness and asked how you had found YOUR treatment, or even if she had have said 'If you don't mind me asking, how are you doing here, are they treating you well-is everything okay with your treatment..?' Or such that wouldn't have concerned me half as much.
Then again, if it was obvious that you were finished and about to leave, It's still a bit of a weird thing to do. She may have been really worried and just needing some empathy but she still went the wrong way about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Retlaw

If some one comes in your face with a sudden question, just say "Why", they will have to think up some excuse for being nosy.

I think that's a good response too. Knowing me though, if I had have said that and then the woman looked upset or didn't know what to say back I would have felt bad for making her feel bad about asking.

Margaret Pilkington · 23-02-2013, 19:52

Sue...my response to her would have been along the lines of 'Why do you want to know'....and I would have winged it from there(but very likely I would have told her I was having my belly button removed and a press stud put on).....as for compassion. I think your assessment of that trait is bob on....it isn't the schmalzty stuff, it is kindness and humanity....being able to empathise(even though everyone has a different response to similar conditions).

Eric · 23-02-2013, 20:20

You could have told her in great detail, with a lot of fictional padding, even creating a detailed fictive world ... but remembering all the time to be long-winded and boring ... and just keep going and going and going like the little pink bunny, not allowing her a break. And when she started looking bored, and seeming as if she wished she were anywhere but listening to you, you could have gone on with renewed vigor, untill she cried "enough", or ran screaming to the washroom.

Of course "screw you bitch; it's none of your goddam business" is always an option.

Dutchbarge · 23-02-2013, 23:31

It certainly seems to be a strange question from a stranger, but..what if this Lass was on her own...had a few tests...been told she has cancer...needs teatment...the first person she can talk to(in the same situation) is the OP...it may not be an unreasonable question for someone looking for reassurance. Perhaps its me.

susie123 · 23-02-2013, 23:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dutchbarge

It certainly seems to be a strange question from a stranger, but..what if this Lass was on her own...had a few tests...been told she has cancer...needs teatment...the first person she can talk to(in the same situation) is the OP...it may not be an unreasonable question for someone looking for reassurance. Perhaps its me.

Nah come to the conclusion she was just nosey - she was certainly not a newbie in the treatment room where we were, known to the staff. Probably asks all the new people she sees in there - but there's a time and a place. And she wasn't what I would call a lass - same age as me-ish and I'm 66.

Margaret Pilkington · 24-02-2013, 11:04

Some people are just nosey....and blunt....they do not have the filter to soften questions like this.
There is a way of asking someone a very personal question....and this was clearly not the way to do it.
Nursing staff go to great lengths to preserve confidential information(or at least they did when I was nursing)........so why should someone be required to tell another patient what their medical condition is?

jaysay · 24-02-2013, 11:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Some people are just nosey....and blunt....they do not have the filter to soften questions like this.
There is a way of asking someone a very personal question....and this was clearly not the way to do it.
Nursing staff go to great lengths to preserve confidential information(or at least they did when I was nursing)........so why should someone be required to tell another patient what their medical condition is?

Ya they still do Margaret, when I was in before xmas there was a bloke in the next bed he was like, what can I say, the nosy neighbor, always walking round the ward how are you and all that, he was just a pain in the butt, and got short shrift from me, so he gave over trying. One day they brought an old man in who was obviously very poorly, and his nibs said to the nurse what's up with him. she just looked at him and said that's none of your business, think she had him weighed up