What exactly is wrong with you?

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 16:28

Yesterday I went for my fortnightly chemotherapy session at my local hospital, Royal Lancaster Infirmary, in the Oncology Unit (that's cancer dept for those unfamiliar with the word. It's a nice place, in the old part of the hospital, (see below, complete with fairytale tower), with small rooms for consultations and larger ones for day patient treatment, with high ceilings, big windows, superb staff and lovely big reclining armchairs for the patients. Most folks are there for infusion (drip) of drugs, for an hour, several hours, or sometimes all day. You chat, read, sleep, get brews and lunch, and you might be in a hotel lounge if it weren't for the dripstands.

Anyway, yesterday, I was getting my belongings together to leave after my four hour session, when a woman sat down in the chair next to where I had been ensconced (that's the right word, the chairs are so comfy. We made the usual polite conversation, is it still cold outside, are you here for long, I'm just leaving, isn't it nice in here, aren't they wonderful, etc etc, when she came out with "And do you mind me asking, what exactly is wrong with you?".

I wanted to say of course I minded, but I was too flummoxed and flabbergasted that I wrapped up my problem in a sentence or so, she came out with some platitude or other, and I got out my phone, went very pointedly out of the door, made the call to my other half to pick me up, went back in, picked up my things and left.

I wish I had been able to tell her to mind her own business. It sounded like she was conducting a survey (she wasn't), and after an acquaintance of a minute or two that question was a bit well... personal. Of course if you are in there and chatting for a few hours, such things often come out in convresation without questions actually having to be asked. I was glad I was leaving - the thought of sitting next to someone like that for a few hours and having perhaps more such questions would have driven me quite mad. That was my tenth session and I have not had anything like it before.

I wonder what any of you would have done in that situation? How would you have reacted? perhaps give me some tips for thinking on my feet in case it happens again? Thanks for listening, anyway...

On a slight side thread, harking back ro a recent thread about Prince Charles saying nurses should have compassion, one conversation yesterday was about something similar. The staff at the unit are unfailingly kind, cheerful, smiling and competent. Their personal skills are second to none. I don't know why they choose to go into oncology nursing rather than or after ward nursing and wonder if a different set of skills is needed, perhaps it will try and ask next time I go. They took part in in our discussion and didn't really mention compassion. My overall impression is one of warmth and humanity - is this the same thing? anyway, I'm very glad they're there - the staff make the whole experience very bearable. I think one thing is that in this situation they have to be very hands on with the patients all the time and so the personal skills side is important.

PS I have no complaints about other NHS staff I have encountered at the hospital, in case you're wondering

MargaretR · 21-02-2013, 18:00

If you meet someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and it isn't possible to leave the scene, I find that silence and a telepathic thought - 'go forth and urinate' usually works.

Most people get the message whether they believe in telepathy or not.

No-one needs be socially obliged to put up with any person who invades personal space uninvited.

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 18:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by MargaretR

If you meet someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and it isn't possible to leave the scene, I find that silence and a telepathic thought - 'go forth and urinate' usually works.

Most people get the message whether they believe in telepathy or not.

No-one needs be socially obliged to put up with any person who invades personal space uninvited.

Yes - I could try that next time - but when you're in the middle of a normal exchange of polite nothings, suddenly turning silent is the last thing on my mind normally!

Thanks for the tip anyway.

jaysay · 21-02-2013, 18:17

Well Sue I find myself agreeing with Margaret, although I'd put it a little different, like please walk away in wet footsteps. Think you'd have been within your rights to tell her to mind her own business, in fact she must have been a little thick, I would have thought it would be quite obvious what you were there for anyway

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 18:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaysay

Well Sue I find myself agreeing with Margaret, although I'd put it a little different, like please walk away in wet footsteps. Think you'd have been within your rights to tell her to mind her own business, in fact she must have been a little thick, I would have thought it would be quite obvious what you were there for anyway

Of course she knew the gist of the problem, she was probably in there for treatment herself, but don't forget there are many hundreds of different cancers, she wanted the deep down details, hence her use of the word "exactly". Anyway there were others in there for her to prey in her quest for answers after I'd gone so hope she got some satisfaction somewhere.

sm_counsell · 21-02-2013, 19:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by susie123

Of course she knew the gist of the problem, she was probably in there for treatment herself, but don't forget there are many hundreds of different cancers, she wanted the deep down details, hence her use of the word "exactly". Anyway there were others in there for her to prey in her quest for answers after I'd gone so hope she got some satisfaction somewhere.

Susie, here in my local hospital (in Sicily) all the patients are encouraged to talk openly and freely about their condition. Apparently the policy is that it reduces fear and avoids situations such as the one you described.
Perhaps we English are so much more private than Italians but I have to admit, it seems strange to hear them talking about their cancers as if they were just blackheads.
Good luck

jaysay · 21-02-2013, 19:04

Reading this thread actually reminds me of one time when I was an inpatient on ward E3 at the old Queens Park Hospital. I was in a 4 bed bay at the time the other three were all in the 70s, one was led there moaning oh I am ill, oh I am poorly, over and over again, another was just moaning say we're all going to die, we're all going to die, the third chap was just moaning and talking incoherently, It was driving of me round the twist believe me, the sister came past and I just said its doing my head in in here, I have never seen anybody moved as quickly as I was that day, which at least gave me peace of mind

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 19:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by sm_counsell

Susie, here in my local hospital (in Sicily) all the patients are encouraged to talk openly and freely about their condition. Apparently the policy is that it reduces fear and avoids situations such as the one you described.
Perhaps we English are so much more private than Italians but I have to admit, it seems strange to hear them talking about their cancers as if they were just blackheads.
Good luck

No, when you're in there for a few hours with all sorts of folks you do often end up talking about your condition but it comes out gradually and you don't have to join in if you don't want to.

The point was this woman was right in my face, I'd known her for two minutes, and she could see I was leaving so I couldn't have carried on the conversation on anyway. Perhaps she was just ticking off different conditions on a twitcher's type list?

accyman · 21-02-2013, 19:27

when asked what is up with you by a nosey parker i recommend saying anything that sounds contageous.Have a dissease preppared though because i didnt and said herpees which wouldnt have been too bad but i was sat with my then partner lol

susie123 · 21-02-2013, 19:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaysay

Reading this thread actually reminds me of one time when I was an inpatient on ward E3 at the old Queens Park Hospital. I was in a 4 bed bay at the time the other three were all in the 70s, one was led there moaning oh I am ill, oh I am poorly, over and over again, another was just moaning say we're all going to die, we're all going to die, the third chap was just moaning and talking incoherently, It was driving of me round the twist believe me, the sister came past and I just said its doing my head in in here, I have never seen anybody moved as quickly as I was that day, which at least gave me peace of mind

John, when I was in hosp in Jan 2012 there were 9 of us in the ward, all about my age or older plus one youngish woman, from Accy coincidentally though she had to come to Lancaster for the op she needed.

I have to say for my first experience of the NHS it was life-enhancing, a great bunch of women (I normally get on better with blokes). All different conditions and because I was one of the fitter patients I spent a lot of time helping people to the loo and with meals etc but when I needed help it was there for me from them.

I was asked if I wanted to go in a single room after a few days because they needed a bed in open ward for someone but I said no because I would have missed their company.

Staff were great too!

jaysay · 21-02-2013, 20:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by susie123

John, when I was in hosp in Jan 2012 there were 9 of us in the ward, all about my age or older plus one youngish woman, from Accy coincidentally though she had to come to Lancaster for the op she needed.

I have to say for my first experience of the NHS it was life-enhancing, a great bunch of women (I normally get on better with blokes). All different conditions and because I was one of the fitter patients I spent a lot of time helping people to the loo and with meals etc but when I needed help it was there for me from them.

I was asked if I wanted to go in a single room after a few days because they needed a bed in open ward for someone but I said no because I would have missed their company.

Staff were great too!

I've met some really nice people in hospital Sue, especially at the old Queens Park, sadly a lot of them are dead now, but I still keep in touch with a couple.

Restless · 21-02-2013, 20:35

Why are you here ? You tell me first. Prob would've been my response. If it was nothing serious then I would walk away without telling her anything.

davebtelford · 21-02-2013, 20:44

Not wishing to trivialise anyone's medical condition but if you ask me "What exactly is wrong with you?" I'd have to reply - I don't know, people have told me some things but I'm still not sure! (psychological)

davemac · 21-02-2013, 20:57

Its not an easily answered question, and responses are not thought of before hand or rehearsed. So you cannot say why she was asking, just nosey! or just diagnosed and looking for some comfort in people already going through the experience.
I suppose the only answer you can give if you have to stay seated for a while, is to bounce it back by saying why are you asking, have you got cancer. However we all walk away thinking I should have said that, or done that.

DaveinGermany · 21-02-2013, 21:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaysay

sadly a lot of them are dead now, but I still keep in touch with a couple.

You some kind of necromancer ??