Which button do YOU press?

K.S.H · 04-02-2006, 16:56

Switchboard Messages for the Mental Health Institute
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...

1. If you are obsessive and compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

2. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

3. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6

4. If you are paranoid, we know who you are. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

5. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

6. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.

7. If you are a manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer

8. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, national insurance number and your mother's maiden name.

9. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

10. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

11. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. None of our operators are interested in talking to you.

jimmi5bellies · 04-02-2006, 23:39

number 10 sums me up !

Neil · 05-02-2006, 06:45

I can't decide wiether to press 3 or 4

Less · 05-02-2006, 11:29

Compulsively awkward! Button 12

Mick · 05-02-2006, 11:36

no less you press ALL 12 buttons

Neil · 05-02-2006, 11:40

with a hammer?

Less · 05-02-2006, 12:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by mick

no less you press ALL 12 buttons

Quote:

Neil-with a hammer?

Congratulations you have both now made it to page number 105 of my shortlist for people to be dealt with if they continue to do nothing about my megalomania! (I don't think the treatment is doing very well, I've just put in a take-over bid for the NHS).

Wanders off Whistling Harry Secombs evergreen, If I ruled the World!

Madhatter · 05-02-2006, 20:05

I'll press # to see if it breaks the switchboard and what they're going to do about it If i do break it.

Phylum · 06-02-2006, 19:42

6,6 and 6 Ha ha ha ha aaaaaaaargghhh!

They're coming to take me away ha ha, to the funny farm where there's trees and flowers and basket weavers.........................

Neil · 06-02-2006, 20:05

I just had to press 45 buttons while on the phone to Microsoft - thanks Bill

SPUGGIE J · 06-02-2006, 22:15

Can I try them all please please please?

pendy · 09-02-2006, 17:20

DON'T PRESS ANY BUTTONS!!!! If you do, they will gain control of your mind and will make you do all sorts of terrible things, like watching "I'm a Celebrity ...." and buying wine gums. Stick your head in a paper bag, hum the Ying Tong Song intermittently, and rotate gently. After a while you will fall over.

No problem.

SPUGGIE J · 09-02-2006, 17:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by pendy

DON'T PRESS ANY BUTTONS!!!! If you do, they will gain control of your mind and will make you do all sorts of terrible things, like watching "I'm a Celebrity ...." and buying wine gums. Stick your head in a paper bag, hum the Ying Tong Song intermittently, and rotate gently. After a while you will fall over.

No problem.

I dont need buttons to end up in that state.

Gayle · 09-02-2006, 20:32

10 and 11 don't exist on the phone - so if I press them does it mean I'm delusional?