Who's shaped you?

garinda · 05-03-2010, 11:38

Besides your parents, who has made you the person you are today?

It might be a friend, a teacher, a neighbour, a relative. A person who came into your life, and affected who you are now, either good or bad.

I had two teachers who really had a big impact on who I am today. One was a teacher I had in my last two years at Moorend Primary School, Chris Ryan, and I've posted before on AW about the positive impact he had in my life.

The other person was also a teacher at the same school, Nell Owen. Wife of fellow teacher at Accrington Grammar School, Winky Barrel, as he was affectionately known, and mother to Dylan Owen, amongst her other children.

Mrs Owen taught me when I was five/six. I already knew her because she was also my Sunday School teacher, and I knew her socially because she was friends with my family. She was also my mum's Sunday School teacher, and one of the first pupils she taught after becoming a primary school teacher.

I remember the year she taught me with great fondness. It was the year my artistic talents first became evident. I painted a picture of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, and she entered it in a competition run by the National Theatre, and it won first place in the under tens catagory.

I also remember her casting the Nativity play she produced. The starring role didn't go to the prettiest, cleverest, or the clearest reading girl. The part of Mary was given to a little girl who was so introverted she was almost mute. She came to school in crumpled, dirty clothes, and some cruel children said she had nits. Giving this little girl her time in the spotlight helped her overcome her painful shyness, and I remember at the time being impressed by Mrs Owen's skill as a teacher, and her giving every child equal chances to shine.

Over the coming years I regularly saw Mrs Owen, either at Church, or out and about in Ossy, and we'd always chat. I recall getting the bus back from school in Blackburn in 1979, and Mrs Owen asking me what I thought about the forthcoming General Election. I was really shocked that this woman was really interested in what my opinion was, and what I thought might be important to someone else. I didn't know much about her politcs at this time. She certainly never preached her beliefs to anyone at church, or school.

When I'd moved to London very often I'd catch up with Mrs Owen on my regular trips home. She put me in touch with her grandaughter who was a doctor in London, who was as lovely as her gran, and we became friends and quiz team mates. Later in life our conversations were more political, and we shared many similar views, including some shared disillusionment with some of the things done by New Labour.

After my dad had died Mrs Owen mentioned little John Martin fondly in a speech at her eightieth birthday party at Lock St. My family all sat their with tears in our eyes, amazed that she'd use this happy celebration to remember someone who wasn't related to her, but who she was sorry that he'd died at fifty one, and that he was missed.

Until the end of her life Mrs Owen was always interested in other's people's thoughts and ideas. Knowing her helped shape my views on life, my morals, and my opinions.

She was a gentle, kindly soul, but also someone who also liked a joyous laugh. She was my idea of a true Christian, and a true socialist.

I miss chatting with her, but what she gave me will be with me for ever.

Who affected you, and made you the person you are today?

pipinfort · 05-03-2010, 13:54

A very difficult post to answer Garinda but a very interesting one, i enjoyed reading yours.

Margaret Pilkington · 05-03-2010, 15:07

I also find it difficult to answer this question....there have been many influences in my life, and it is hard to know which have caused the most impact.
I remember when I first started my nurse training. I worked on the Surgical unit in the New wing for my first placement.....one of the Staff Nurses on that ward was a fine young woman called Eileen Dignan........she was my role model. I aspired to being just like her. She was kind, caring and seemingly inflappable. She seemed to know everything too. I never ever heard her say a bad word about anyone, I never saw her in a bad mood........and I soooooo wanted to be like her.

I'm not sure that I ever did become like her....all I can say is that I tried my very best.

Margaret Pilkington · 05-03-2010, 15:14

During my third year of training I worked with a midwife (whose name I cannot recall at this point)....she was professional, but funny too.......she taught me that however lowly we think we are, we still have a value....and that those who felt that they were better than us, (Consultants) still had to come in, work, and get paid at the end of the month........and that because we were lowly, it didn't mean that we could be belittled or shouted at.....and that we should stand up for our patients first, and ourself second.
I learned that lesson well, and would take no cr@p from anyone.

glasgow guy · 05-03-2010, 15:39

would really love to be able to have a reply like the first one - but the harsh reality for me is that I shaped myself...had a nasty, horrible and crap childhood, mum wasnt interested in me and we were often left alone and to fend for ourselves as kids and growing up was very much the same - was never encouraged to strive towards anything scholar wise...everything I have achieved to date has been through my own hard work..

this will probably be the only downer post on this thread...sorry.

garinda · 05-03-2010, 15:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by glasgow guy

would really love to be able to have a reply like the first one - but the harsh reality for me is that I shaped myself...had a nasty, horrible and crap childhood, mum wasnt interested in me and we were often left alone and to fend for ourselves as kids and growing up was very much the same - was never encouraged to strive towards anything scholar wise...everything I have achieved to date has been through my own hard work..

this will probably be the only downer post on this thread...sorry.

Don't apologise.
You've mentioned some of the things you've said before, and like I asked for, sometimes it's the bad experiences that shape us, not just the good, that makes us better people. As is obviously the case with you.
Thanks.

jaysay · 05-03-2010, 16:01

I think the one person that actually had an effect on my life was Cliff Astin (local historian) who was my form teacher for two years at St Mary's Ossy and also taught me at Holy Family. I never much liked school until I first went into his form, he seemed to have a different approach to teaching and made it interesting and more fun

Margaret Pilkington · 05-03-2010, 16:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by glasgow guy

would really love to be able to have a reply like the first one - but the harsh reality for me is that I shaped myself...had a nasty, horrible and crap childhood, mum wasnt interested in me and we were often left alone and to fend for ourselves as kids and growing up was very much the same - was never encouraged to strive towards anything scholar wise...everything I have achieved to date has been through my own hard work..

this will probably be the only downer post on this thread...sorry.

So, while you had what you felt was a pretty crap childhood, and a mother who you felt showed little interest in you, you were, in fact, shaped by these events.
It is these negative experiences which have contributed as much as any other to the person that you have become.

My mother is forever apologising for what she now sees as a deprived childhood that she perceives that she and my father gave us.
I myself don't see it like that at all. My parents had seven of us, and life was a struggle....but we weren't on our own......this was common for many families growing up in the fifties.

It was a far different life then. We knew we were poor, and didn't ask for things that we knew our parents could not afford. We had lowly aspirations....we knew that working hard was the way out of poverty.
We were instilled with a healthy work ethic.
We had a roof over our heads, we were fed basic nourishing food(although I know for a fact that my parents often went without so that we could be fed).......and although we didn't have any holidays, we did have fun, books and a childhood that has shaped me into the resilient, resourceful, responsible person that I became.

Less · 05-03-2010, 16:46

John Smith's, Mr. Tetley and to some extent Brew ten in my youth.

Well, no Really, it was the slight glimpse at well known and some of the more obscure Scientists, while I was at a very bad Secondary School I learnt next to nothing then moved to a decent Grammar School for my final year too late to fit in, I'd been fighting the dumbo's that disrupted the class for years and was too fixed to believe teachers cared which they did at that School.

Years later I realised what the decent teachers were talking about, I now spend my time looking for more to learn.

DaveinGermany · 05-03-2010, 17:56

Family & Friends, the area & environment I grew up in. There are far too many People & Places to state individual cases. But whether I view the experiences I've had as good or bad, seem to vary with the perspective of age.

Some things that may have seemed bad at the time I now look upon them & think yes, that's where I learnt a lesson in humility & respect, but as an 18/19 year old Lad it was a knock to my ego & I certainly wasn't best pleased about it, but as stated age puts things into perspective.

Leaving Home going to the Military, young Bucks invincible & untried, put into place by our instructors, we weren't such big men after all. They'd break us down then reform & rebuild us as better People. Soldiers yes, but with the inordinate sense of what it means to do a job that we may not like but for the betterment of others.

There is a special bond with Military People, which no matter how close you are with other folk can never be equalled outside of service, these are ties that bind, but also guide. These People will eventually head off into the wider World become civilians again & mix with People of all Colours & Creeds with, I would say a better outlook & tolerance of others, brought about by an acceptance instilled by your time under arms.

Admittedly not everyone will come out the better, but I honestly believe more are good than bad, so the Military & it's Traditions were my teachers who took over where Family & Friends left off. I've been out for some years now & my guidance once more stems from Family & Friends plus my own sense of right & wrong & what is acceptable. I am still being formed & as long as I live I will continue to be made by People & environs I will meet on my lifes journey.

Until my final breath I will not have been completed , but once that breath is done my form will be decided by those remaining. Friends, Family, acquaintances & colleagues, it will be they who finally define me as the Man I was.

AccyLass · 05-03-2010, 18:03

My daughter was the 1st really to start making me who I am today
I had her very young (18)
Am very glad I did tho as the people who I was "friends" with at the time weren't any good for me.
Knowing I had another life to look after who would depend on me for everything really encouraged me to steer away from anything that was bad for us.
Now I have 2 of them and everyday I just wanna make myself a better person, for them and their future

MargaretR · 05-03-2010, 18:31

I don't give credit or blame to anyone - I accept me as I am -

I am responsible for being the person I am - no blame/credit allocable
The experiences I have had involved other people,
but whether to heed advice or ignore advice,
whether to be influenced or disregard the attempt at influence,
has been my decision - an excercise in free will.

Good experiences and bad experiences are all just - experience
which is what we came here for.

So I say - I shaped me

Benipete · 05-03-2010, 19:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by MargaretR

I don't give credit or blame to anyone - I accept me as I am -

I am responsible for being the person I am - no blame/credit allocable
The experiences I have had involved other people,
but whether to heed advice or ignore advice,
whether to be influenced or disregard the attempt at influence,
has been my decision - an excercise in free will.

Good experiences and bad experiences are all just - experience
which is what we came here for.

So I say - I shaped me

I could write a very long answer but the fact is I find the above Quote so very very sad.

MargaretR · 05-03-2010, 20:02

So self reliance is not your scene.
Don't be sad for me - it feels good to me.

BERNADETTE · 05-03-2010, 20:09

As has been said all of the people we encounter in life are part of what shapes us. Through living through experiences we then learn and adapt our lives accordingly. Ian was a very positive influence in my life, when I met him I had just come out of what I now see was an abusive marriage. Abuse doesn't have to be physical (although it was on a couple of occassions) but IMO mental abuse can be just as bad. Ian built my confidence and made me see I was not the fat, ugly person my ex made me believe I was. He helped to make me the confident person I am and for that I am eternally grateful. Yes people will say I should have been able to see it for myself but when you are constantly told something negative about yourself eventually you begin to believe it