Wildlife migration into the remote suburbs

[MargaretR]

I don't venture into town often so don't see chavs unless they venture into the vicinity of my home.

Two evenings on the run I have seen chav behaviour from my window.
That sort of wildlife is rare in these parts. Their noise is louder and more intrusive than the animals who live local (foxes, ducks, geese, owls, chickens, dogs).

Yesterday they were using a remote controlled racing car on the road which made a sound resembling a trillion angry hornets.

Tonight they have been aiming a football at the high metal gates of the playing field entrance - much clanging and banging resulted.

To those of you who have to tolerate living close to their normal habitat -
...please advise what types of further noisy disruptive behaviour is normal for the species.

[maxthecollie]

Try mini motos screaming past our house

[cashman]

Bricks occasionally through house windows, Happened a couple of months back 2 doors away.

[MargaretR]

Originally Posted by cashman

Bricks occasionally through house windows, Happened a couple of months back 2 doors away.

Perhaps I should be thankful that they only migrate in summer

[Guinness]

You will observe them drinking a blue sugary liquid from numerous bottles before slinging said bottles in various directions, some bouncing off car bonnets before landing in privet hedges.

The blue liquid has a strange affect on the species. Voices become positively stentorian as the males preen and pose in front of the female of the species, belching and burping constantly, before finally releasing the contents of their stomachs against nearby lamp-posts, walls or cars, using these to steady them from collapsing in a heap.

You may catch sight of one urinating against a car tyre, maintaining a circular movement around the tread of the tyre, or even attemping to aim over the car at another male who is still making a half hearted attempt at the mating ritual, or at another who is emptying their stomach on the other side.

The female is usually distinguished by the lack of clothing, even in the local sub zero temperatures, usually typified by a bare midriff and sporting a butterfly or dolphin tattoo, usually to the left of centre of the lower back. They appear more able to keep the blue liquid within their stomachs, however as the evening wears on, their language becomes far more colourful than the males. As evening turns to twilight, you may notice them stiffening their arms and shivering in a vain attempt to increase their body temperature. Finally mother nature emerges the victor and the females head home to their loving, caring matriarchs.

Without females to impress, the males shortly afterwards drift off in different directions, hurling abuse and gesturing wildly at each other, the sound of hysterical giggling fading gently into the distance....and peace finally returns to the serengeti of Accrington.

It is postulated by some observers, that the males believe that the more of the blue liquid they drink, the more chance they have of finding a mate. However others believe this unlikely, for despite an apparent increase in the bravado of the males after they have consumed a bottle or two, within a short while they lose the power of coherent speech, control of their motor function and as previously stated, the contents of their stomach, which somewhat reduces their appeal.

[MargaretR]

I have found this youtube clip which gives insight into mating rituals. Prodtruding tongues seems a feature. Pointing ceilingwards seems to demonstrate tribal loyalty.

[cashman]

Well if thats having a good time these days i'll stick to being a miserable owd sod.

[kestrelx]

Many nights the males of the species can be heard arguing as they crawl through the streets and often urinate against lamp posts and in corners, this is territorial behaviour. The females sometimes revert to this kind of behaviour. All in all they often leave a mess. This can include regurgitation of previous days meals after too much courtship liquids.

[Restless]

oh that comment made me chuckle away as I watched that video.

Watching that video-- I am starting to understand why loneliness has finally made the transition into solitude

Originally Posted by MargaretR

Pointing ceilingwards seems to demonstrate tribal loyalty.

[Restless]

Feel the need to quote some Mr Hicks

Originally Posted by Bill Hicks

some women have this weird myth that you can tell the way a guy is in bed by how he is on the dance floor. That is so ridiculous. I mean, first of all, what does it matter? You know what I mean? If a guy is on the dance floor and really getting into it and enjoying himself and expressing himself, what does it matter how he is in bed? He's gay

Originally Posted by Bill Hicks

Oh yeah I want to dance. That is why I am sat in the darkest corner, closest to the exit

[garinda]

Try feeding them.

They like Pot Noodles, or fried potato sticks.

With patience you could soon have them eating out of the palm of your hand.

[jaysay]

Would appear I've been lucky Margaret the neanderthals have not found their way into my area yet, although I have heard the plaintive calls from a distance. Maybe a water cannon could be brought into service to remedy the problem

[garinda]

Numbers have increased dramatically because they've grown fearless of contact with humans, and nowadays they have no natural predators, which has increased their daring behaviour.

A sharp blow on a police whistle would once have seen them disperse.

This is no longer a deterrent, even to a relatively small pack of new borns.

[Less]

Originally Posted by garinda

Try feeding them.

They like Pot Noodles, or fried potato sticks.

With patience you could soon have them eating out of the palm of your hand.

Careful, that should be left to the experts, many an over-enthusiastic amateur has withdrawn their hand to discover that their ring finger has been bitten off, it is believed the gold attracts them.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by Less

Careful, that should be left to the experts, many an over-enthusiastic amateur has withdrawn their hand to discover that their ring finger has been bitten off, it is believed the gold attracts them.

True.

Anything shiny can attract their attention.

One for sorrow.

Two for joy.

Three for rioting and looting.