accyweb Problem Page

[Less]

Dear Auntie accyweb,
I have a problem, I have been a single man for over five years now and although I have known this lady for quite some time, nothing actually happened between us for a while. Then, much to the surprise and relief of both her and my friends we started going to the pub together. Last week she offered to come around to my house and cook me a meal, not only did she cook but every course was taken away and replaced by something even more exquisite, I was in heaven. After the meal and spending an hour and a half in my kitchen washing up and tidying, she came to join me in the lounge, now I don’t know if it was the wine or perhaps the music, but she suddenly gripped my tie and threw it into a corner and then unbuttoned the top of my shirt.

As she was stroking my two chest hairs she looked up coyly at me and in a soft purring voice asked, “is there anything else I can do for you?”. Well I’m a man and I’ve got a mans feelings and a mans needs so I immediately said, “yes, this carpet could do with a good Hoovering it hasn’t been touched for some time, you’ll find the stuff under the stairs, try not to make too much noise though because I’m going to bed”.


This my dear Auntie Accyweb, is where I need your advice, she must have let herself out during the night and every time I ring her she refuses to answer the ‘phone which is a bit disappointing because I spent Sunday morning sorting out all my shirts that need buttons sowing on and it would be a shame to put them away if I can get her to come over with a needle and cotton,

Yours truly,

Less, (The new Man).

[lancsdave]

You clearly have no idea how to win a woman's heart. The next time you buy a vacuum you have to let them choose the model. The wrong colour of vacuum cleaner is a massive turnoff for women

[accymel]

Dear the new man less,

I think there must of been a misunderstanding of communication here & u missed out on a bit of night time action too cos maybe thats what she had in mind not as a literal maid service for free. Give a man an inch he'll pull it a mile Learn to sew or buy new




Btw great thread idea hehehehehe

[accymel]

Originally Posted by lancsdave

You clearly have no idea how to win a woman's heart. The next time you buy a vacuum you have to let them choose the model. The wrong colour of vacuum cleaner is a massive turnoff for women

How do u know that most household appliances are a turnoff for women whatever the colour - well except the washer that has its thrills on 1200 RPM full spin

[lancsdave]

Originally Posted by accymel

Give a man an inch he'll pull it a mile

Blimey that is some achievement

[accymel]

Originally Posted by lancsdave

Blimey that is some achievement

It is if its a women mile not a man mile

[SPUGGIE J]

Originally Posted by accymel

Give a man an inch he'll pull it a mile Learn to sew or buy new

What happens if he is hungover when trying to sew? To say it would be wonky is an understatement.

Where would you get a new one as I thought it was one for life same as a dog.

Nice one Less just the tonic for mid week blues.

[accymel]

Originally Posted by SPUGGIE J

What happens if he is hungover when trying to sew? To say it would be wonky is an understatement.

Where would you get a new one as I thought it was one for life same as a dog.

Nice one Less just the tonic for mid week blues.

well he should do it when sober [if at all poss] or just buy many shirts & hope for the best - cheaper sometimes than actually sewing

We aint here just to service u boys y'know how do u think us girlies manage doing everything ourselves anyway

[yerself]

Reminds me of the old joke.
Q: Why do most women get married in white?
A: Because that's the colour of most domestic appliances.

[accymel]

yerself

me thinks im a bit outnumbered here on this male topic

All well i'll take u all on then

[Less]

Originally Posted by accymel

yerself

me thinks im a bit outnumbered here on this male topic

It seems to have you in stitches which is more than can be said for my shirt buttons!

[accymel]

Originally Posted by Less

It seems to have you in stitches which is more than can be said for my shirt buttons!

yep i like male psychology hehehehehe

Im not touching your shirt buttons

[Less]

All is well, she rang me earlier and told me we had such a wonderful time, that she would like to see me again and can I bring my gardening/decorating/D.I.Y tools around to her place Friday night and we can make it a long week-end!

[lancsdave]

Originally Posted by Less

All is well, she rang me earlier and told me we had such a wonderful time, that she would like to see me again and can I bring my gardening/decorating/D.I.Y tools around to her place Friday night and we can make it a long week-end!

It's a trap. she wants to borrow your tools

[lettie]

Dear Less,

Your problem is not uncommon and you will be pleased to hear that it is easily and cheaply fixed. When you next visit your ladyfriend, take your gardening equipment and tools (don't forget your hose) Also take your buttonless shirts and kill 2 birds with one stone.