An easy way to commit suicide...lol

[Busman747]

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife
replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

[Busman747]

We have now made 150 threads between us on the differences between men and women and everything has been said "tongue in cheek." It has been fun and I thank you all.

I now leave this thread with a small film clip that shows that love for the opposite sex can conquer all so just maybe, we have the same goals in mind, but just have a different way of applying them...take care ladies x


http://www.frontsteps.com/creations/...p?t=1109380676

[Busman747]

SORRY!! Got sent this..and could not resist passing it on!

POINTS SYSTEM

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's
the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return
with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy (-2)

Named Tina (-4)

Tina is a dancer (-6)

Tina has silicon implants (-80)



HER BIRTHDAY



You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE


You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)




ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)




COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realises this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)



I think I have scored errr, minus sumfing........

[slinky]

Busman I have told you before please do not put things like this on at this time of night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, the more I try not to laugh(stop waking hubby up) the more I snot everywhere and run back and foward to toilet.......................... GOOD ONE ANYWAY LMAO.

[Busman747]

As a Newcastle trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather,
And you are losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck
stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out Of
her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the
window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of
breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck
door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next
light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and
runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it,
he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, its winter in Newcastle, and I'm driving
a f*****g Gritter!!!!!

[chav1]

this is why i never shop with the mrs lol

[Busman747]

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."



Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.



He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."



He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, " ..let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box".

[Busman747]

Can anyone spot the blondes in this photo????? (apart from the hair!)

[Busman747]

http://ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/pr...&NameFirstFrom=

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY???

[yerself]

Dogs Better Than Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

7. A dog's parents never visit.

8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

11. Dogs seldom outlive you.

12. Dogs can't talk.

13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.

14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a day.

15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

16. Dogs like to go hunting.

17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.

19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"

20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.

21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad; they just think it's interesting.

25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

29. Dogs are not allowed in Harrods or John Lewis.

30. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.