An easy way to commit suicide...lol - Page 7

-pixie · 11-02-2005, 18:11

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

Size does matter

Busman747 · 11-02-2005, 23:33

TGIF

A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir," to which he replies, "S-H-I-T, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice , TGIF stands for 'Thank goodness it's Friday.' The man replies, "**** stands for 'Sorry honey it's Thursday.'

Busman747 · 11-02-2005, 23:35

Sure Fire Ways To Know You're A Woman

1. Whine

2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no.
Then get mad when you are believed.

3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.

4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

5. Whine.

6. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your
almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to
sleep, it's because he is lazy.

7. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

8. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying
for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required
gifts proving his love.

10. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle,
tell him you're irregular from all of the stress of your life.

11. Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend
must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed
immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.

12. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about
doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Busman747 · 11-02-2005, 23:37

There is hope for us men yet Bazf,......we have Pixie beating a retreat!!!

WillowTheWhisp · 11-02-2005, 23:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Busman747

9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying
for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required
gifts proving his love.

I have just one thing to say in reply to that:

FERRY

Busman747 · 12-02-2005, 00:11

Ooh Darling, I just love it when your hackles are up!!!!!

Busman747 · 12-02-2005, 00:25

For those that are confused, Willow has arranged a holiday in N. Ireland for a few days next week, I get violently seasick just standing by a canal on a windy day..........so she has booked up a ferry to Ireland!

This is female vindictiveness at its peak!

But being a man, I have agreed to go with her!!! (A flight would have cost 4x as much and I am paying)

Please think of me with sympathy while I am spewing into the Irish Sea!!!!

slinky · 12-02-2005, 00:29

GOOD ON YOU WILLOW..................... you go and enjoy your self while someone else is seeing the sea close up hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Busman747 · 12-02-2005, 00:35

Lovely Pink RibbonPleasure: 50

Bell on a RopeBell on a ropse so you dont lose itPleasure: 10

Illuminous BallHigh visibility ball

Slinky, With a "lovely pink ribbon, bell on a rope and illuminous ball," you just have to be bios towards women......

slinky · 12-02-2005, 00:40

LMAO COME on US WOMAN KNOW WHATS SCARY AND WHAT IS NOT hehehehhehe and sailing is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo not scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

slinky · 12-02-2005, 00:41

After all we sail through every day with you men

rockrabbit · 12-02-2005, 00:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by slinky

LMAO COME on US WOMAN KNOW WHATS SCARY AND WHAT IS NOT hehehehhehe and sailing is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo not scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is when you cant swim

Bazf · 12-02-2005, 01:34

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Bazf · 12-02-2005, 01:36

Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

And the number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Bazf · 12-02-2005, 01:39

Even really good Insurance