ANNOY SANTA

[Mick]

Ways to Annoy Santa


1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. " Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. "

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

[Tealeaf]

21) Shoot Rudolf - He'll make a good Venison Pie (even better served with Cranbury Jam)

22) Bed the Fairy Queen (assuming female)

24) Stick up a mobile speed camera on the street - he's bound to get nicked

25) Tell hem to take all the pressy wrapping back for recycling.

26) Having taken the wrapping off (see above), tell him the Pressy's are crap and he needs to get back out there and return with some decent ones.

27) Charge him 10 quid for the biccy's and mince pies

[Tealeaf]

28) Hit him over the head with a poker, and when he's unconscious do a Saddam & shave his beard off, leaving just a tash. Remove his coat & strides and burn and  throw some Carlsberg Special Brew over him, leaving empty can in his hand. Then dial 999 and tell the cops you've caught a drunken burglar breaking in who's been trying to nick your presy's. Claim a Good Citizens Reward from the Community Wardens.

[Mick]

[smiley=lol.gif]good 0ne [smiley=lol.gif] [smiley=yelrotflmao.gif] [smiley=yelrotflmao.gif]

[GoldenBallz]

28) Call him a fatmincepieeatingbastrd adding any other random insults you can think of  ;D

[Tealeaf]

30) Ask him if he saw much of the blue asbestos on his way down the chimney.