Car boot and English as wot it is wrote

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It's Bank Holiday Monday and like many other bargain hunters I spent some time looking around some car boot stalls.
There was a book on one of them that caught my eye. Do you remember the Haynes manuals? They used to just be a step by step guide to stripping down and rebuilding cars and motorbikes. Now they have branched out into other topics such as:-
The baby manual.
The Computer Manual.
The Sex Manual: The practical step-by-step guide to sexual health and enjoyment!!!! (yeah right no man will do anything but look at the pictures!)

There was one of their titles however I hadn't come across before and as I'm always trying to improve my English Language I thought I would risk the 30p and buy it.

The Haynes Manual on how to strip down and re-build an ungrammatical sentence.

I read through it and thought o.k. now I'll give it a go, so I picked a sentence at random from the WWW



"Pressure is growing on John Prescott to step down after a weekend of embarrassing headlines, but some Labour figures have come out in support of the beleaguered Deputy Prime Minister."

and took it apart and then rebuilt it and just like when I use their books for car maintenance I have a few bits left over, could you please help by placing them where they should go?

two sh*gs
the Google Page Ranking*ck
what a w*nker