Daytime Charity Ad's.

[Guinness]

Originally Posted by Less

Please donate or your looking at this Sunday's lunch

Salt, pepper, medium heat....can be served straight from the pan

[garinda]

Originally Posted by Less

Could we be related? I too had an Aunt by the name of Anne.

Doubtful.

My Auntie Anne has only the occasional facial tic.

Your's sounds a proper winker.

[Less]

Originally Posted by Guinness

Salt, pepper, medium heat....can be served straight from the pan

Yes, I agree, the problem that arises is finding others with a similar pattern in time to make my winter overcoat.

[Less]

Originally Posted by garinda

Doubtful.

My Auntie Anne has only the occasional facial tic.

Your's sounds a proper winker.

Oh God, that Anne even has my Anti hiding behind the settee.

[Restless]

Well when I throw out this bag of clothes instead of throwing them out, il leave them on your doorstep. You can take them to the clothes for cash shop and perhaps buy a pint

[Guinness]

Originally Posted by Less

Yes, I agree, the problem that arises is finding others with a similar pattern in time to make my winter overcoat.

Was in Savile Row earlier today and whilst being dressed to the left, had occasion to mention this discourse.

The tailor lackey fellow became apopleptic, and said 'surely sir did not speak to this vagabond face to face?' I allowed the reddening, shortness of breath and seizures to continue for a few minutes before stating firmly 'of course not you imbecile, its the internet and I use antiseptic wipes between keypresses'. I kicked him and called the ambulance.

Two hours later, the ambulance arrived (the lord God David Icke bless our tory government for its munificence). And as said tailor lackey was being wheeled into the delapidated, bald tyred, rusting vehicle, attended by a 45 year old apprentice doing a level 1 NVQ in 'lifesaving techniques in socialist media' whilst being paid £2.40 an hour, he turned to me and croaked 'tell the unwashed one to google patchwork'

I have no idea what the blazes goggles have to do with this but I'm simply passing information down the foodchain to you amoebae.

Later that day whilst dining on mince and slices of quince, using the required runcible spoon, I spoke to my cook, the venerable Mrs Hyndburnbridges. She is a font of knowledge on the lower class unemployed, having gutted and cooked many of these for my father before he shook off his mortal coil, owing to a conflagration with my index finger and a gloch machine pistol.

I digress, Mrs Hyndburnbridges flat out refused to tell me her deep fried cat kebab recipe but did say that skins boiled in 'quink' ink will remain 'azure blue' for 120 washes. and so I trust this will negate the need for you to be so picky over what kind of pussy you skin and eat!

[Sunflower49]

Originally Posted by garinda

From reading your posts I'd have to agree with the first statement, and disagree with the second.

Personally I'd also add 'wise'.

As playing down your intellect can then be used to suprise, when what you're saying proves otherwise.

It's not how we say things that really matter.

Much more important is what was actually said.

Obviously I am far too dumb to figure the above out
Also the highlighted is a very profound quote, far too profound for this light-hearted thread. I'm calling the spam police. I've been donating to them every month via folkgettingtooseriousontheinternet.com

[Less]

Originally Posted by Guinness

Was in Savile Row earlier today and whilst being dressed to the left, had occasion to mention this discourse.

Every word you wrote, I deeply enjoyed, how someone of your status could waste your time considering the plight of one so lowly as myself.
However you have proved to me that I am so lucky to live in such a caring society.
In fact, I am happy to inform you that thank's to the members of Hyndburnvigilante.com I no longer need to fear the lack of, or indeed the need for a winter coat.

Allow me to explain if you will,

It is Saturday, so I placed myself on my usual spot outside the Railway two hours before they open with my begging bowl and polite sign explaining my difficulties, (usually it is worth the time I often get enough coinage together to enable me to purchase a soda water by the time the place opens).
Today was different, I was approached by a group of people that were determined I should move on, not because they dislike beggars they were just supporting the one's that had had the correct training from Monday groove, it seems they hang around the Market Hall offering insults to those that donate.

To ensure that I would perhaps think twice about re-entering the Borough they tarred and feathered me.

Well all I can say is, yippee it took a while to get used to the fumes, but, as I walked home in the rain, I found that not only was I insulated from the weather, I also found that my skins reaction to this treatment had a very warming effect.
No longer do I need to fear the harsh weather that winter can provide, though I have noticed that every pub I have visited since, insist that they now put a couple of sheets of newspaper down before allowing me to be seated.
Could I perhaps sue for prejudice? It would after all be helping one of the only profitable industries we have left.

[garinda]

Originally Posted by sugarmouse0707

Obviously I am far too dumb to figure the above out
Also the highlighted is a very profound quote, far too profound for this light-hearted thread. I'm calling the spam police. I've been donating to them every month via folkgettingtooseriousontheinternet.com

Stop blathering on, and get back up your pole.

[Guinness]

Originally Posted by Less

Every word you wrote, I deeply enjoyed, how someone of your status could waste your time considering the plight of one so lowly as myself.
However you have proved to me that I am so lucky to live in such a caring society.
In fact, I am happy to inform you that thank's to the members of Hyndburnvigilante.com I no longer need to fear the lack of, or indeed the need for a winter coat.

Allow me to explain if you will,

It is Saturday, so I placed myself on my usual spot outside the Railway two hours before they open with my begging bowl and polite sign explaining my difficulties, (usually it is worth the time I often get enough coinage together to enable me to purchase a soda water by the time the place opens).
Today was different, I was approached by a group of people that were determined I should move on, not because they dislike beggars they were just supporting the one's that had had the correct training from Monday groove, it seems they hang around the Market Hall offering insults to those that donate.

To ensure that I would perhaps think twice about re-entering the Borough they tarred and feathered me.

Well all I can say is, yippee it took a while to get used to the fumes, but, as I walked home in the rain, I found that not only was I insulated from the weather, I also found that my skins reaction to this treatment had a very warming effect.
No longer do I need to fear the harsh weather that winter can provide, though I have noticed that every pub I have visited since, insist that they now put a couple of sheets of newspaper down before allowing me to be seated.
Could I perhaps sue for prejudice? It would after all be helping one of the only profitable industries we have left.

Please do not assume that I am interested in your fate. As I originally stated, I wanted to use your alcohol ridden body as one of my myriad tax write-offs. As such your continued parasitic existence is worth precisely +£17 per month to me.

Moonday Grunge is one of my more lucrative tax break recipes, i.e. take one ex-nun, add an inept council, stir in gullible public to taste, simmer using empty shops, misinformation and doe-like eyes. Stir until mixture achieves charity status then add to write-off column. Rub hands with glee, drink champagne, laugh heartily and watch citizens squirm.

Need I elucidate further on the orchestrator of your penguin costume?

Regarding your thoughts on legislative remuneration, It is entirely dependant on the newspaper used...e.g. using the argument 'does my bum look big or what?' should they place a copy of the Times beneath your ample rump or alternatively 'do you think I talk out of my backside?' should they use the sun, mirror or mail.

Regardless, please be aware that as a shareholder in the 'no win, no fee' franchise, I would receive enough for another Lear Jet, whilst you would receive enough for an 'ASDA breakfast'

[Less]

Originally Posted by Mick

If you cant get the Paypal link to work.
All donations can be left behind the bar in the Railway where they will be collected on Saturdays and a receipt will be issued sometime

I have discovered that thank's to some people's generosity money has been deposited behind the bar at the Railway, however the figures don't quite add up as I find that I am only getting 5p in the pound, Mick could I have a look at the figures for your so called 'expenses'?

[Sunflower49]

Originally Posted by garinda

Stop blathering on, and get back up your pole.

Ahem.Sorry. I suppose it beats 'Get back in the kitchen!'

[Mick]

Originally Posted by Less

I have discovered that thank's to some people's generosity money has been deposited behind the bar at the Railway, however the figures don't quite add up as I find that I am only getting 5p in the pound, Mick could I have a look at the figures for your so called 'expenses'?

Er which set of books would you like to see the ones I keep for myself the ones I keep for the taxman or the ones I keep for the wife or the ones I keep for you
By the way none are available at the present time

[Less]

Originally Posted by Mick

Er which set of books would you like to see the ones I keep for myself the ones I keep for the taxman or the ones I keep for the wife or the ones I keep for you
By the way none are available at the present time

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, Oh! I don't know you decide, I know I can trust you.