Dedicated to drink....

[Romps]

oh yes Libra one is so true!!! nice one Lettie! Thanks

[shillelagh]

Where did u get all of these from - theyre brill. Cancer is me down to a 't' especially the bit that says doesnt stop drinking! lol

[lettie]

The Five Stages of Male Drunkenness

Stage 1: Smart This is when he suddenly becomes an expert on every subject in the known universe. He knows he knows everything, and wants to pass his knowledge on to anyone who will listen. At this stage, he is always right. And, of course, the person he is talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are smart.

Stage 2: Good-Looking. This is when he realizes that he is the best-looking man in the entire bar (and possibly on the entire planet), and that all women fancy him. He can approach a perfect stranger knowing she fancies him and really wants to talk to him. Bear in mind that he is still smart, so he can talk to her about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3: Rich. This is when he suddenly becomes the richest person in the world. He can buy drinks for the entire bar because he has an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. He can also make bets at this stage, because of course he's still smart, so naturally, he will win all bets. It doesn't matter how much he bets, because he is rich. He will also buy drinks for every woman he fancies, because he is also now the best-looking man in the universe.

Stage 4: Invincible. He is now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom he has been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt him. At this point, he can also approach the partners of the women he fancies, and challenge them to a battle of the wits or money. He can especially approach the partners of lesbians he fancies, because he knows he is just the man to turn the hot, sexy, inaccessible lesbian partner into a heterosexual. He has no fear of losing this battle, because he is smart, and rich, and, hell! he's better-looking than any of these losers!

Stage 5: Invisible. This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point, he can do anything, because no one can see him. He dances on tables to impress the women he fancies, because the rest of the people in the room cannot see him. He is also invisible to the angry lesbian who wants to bash his skull in with a pool cue. He can walk through the street singing at the top of his lungs because no one can see or hear him, and because he is still smart, and rich, and -- oh, hell, you know the rest.

[chav1]

lol my starsight pices says Kurt Cobain would be a good drinking buddie

now i dont tend to hang around with people who blow their own heads off but i guess it could be fun to watch especialy after a few beers

[Sparkologist]

You know what it's like, folks, when you're in the lusher, listening to others talking boll...s, just before the space aliens abduct 'em...

Here are some translations for the alcohol induced drivel that we more than occasionally come out with.


Bar Translations: What they really mean...

• "No, really, I'm OK to drive." -- I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.

• "I'm not used to these darts." -- I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.

• "Let's go out to my car and get some cigarettes." (male to female) -- You would look great face down in my lap.

• "You get this one. The next round is on me." -- We won't be here long enough to get another round.

• "I'll get this one. The next one is on you." -- Happy hour is about to end.... now beers are half price, but by the next round they'll be £3 a pop.

• "I haven't seen you around here for a long time." -- You stuck up little bitch, too good for your old friends??

• "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" -- I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

• "Let's get out of here." -- I just dumped half a jug of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.

• "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) -- I'm easy.

• "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) -- I'm gay.

• "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) -- I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

• "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) -- If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?

• "I don't feel well. Let's go home." (female) -- You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

• "I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) -- I'm horny.

• "I've had like 10 beers already." -- I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.

• "Who's got the next round?" -- I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

• "Excuse me." (male to male) -- Get the f*** out of the way.

• "Excuse me." (male to female) -- I am going to grope you now.

• "Excuse me." (female to male) -- Don't even think about groping me, just get the f... out of the way.

• "Excuse Me." (female to female). -- Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that hot, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho'...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.

• "I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning." -- I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 quid and have been avoiding him since football season.

• "What do you have on tap?" -- What's cheap?

• "You go ahead, I'll catch a cab." -- I already lined up a ride home with your "ex".

• "That person looks really familiar." -- Did I sleep with him/her?

• "Can I just get a glass of water?" (female) -- I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.

• "Can I just get a glass of water?" (male) -- It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking an hour ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you can do for me.

• "Do you have any Wild Turkey?" -- I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.

• "I don't have my ID on me." (female) -- I'm 16

• "I don't have my ID on me." (male) -- I don't have a licence since I got pulled over and blew a .32 after my last visit here.