DEEP, DEEP, Thought.

[Busman747]

A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.

Why do people point to their wrists when asking for the time, but don't point
to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

'We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.'

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble, then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.

A rose by any other name would still attract aphids.

A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.

A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

DEATH to all fanatics.

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Don't trust reality. After all, it's only a collective hunch.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Everyone wants a bus service to their door, but no one wants a bus service in their street.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.

I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few

I've worn contact lenses so long I can put them in with my eyes closed.

If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?

If beauty is only skin deep, I must be inside out!

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.

Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Rehab is for quitters.

Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a seat has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.

The future ain't what it used to be.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

The smallest good deed is better than the greatest intention.

To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going fishing.

War doesn't determine who's right but who's left.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before

Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

I love the "swooshing" sound deadlines make as they go by.

The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

There ought to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning.



- - - and my favourite, - A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac - one who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...