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Welcome to Accrington Web! We are a discussion forum dedicated to the towns of Accrington, Oswaldtwistle and the surrounding areas, sometimes referred to as Hyndburn! We are a friendly bunch please feel free to browse or read on for more info. You are currently viewing our site as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, photos, play in the community arcade and use our blog section. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please, join our community today! |
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25-01-2008, 19:54
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#1 |
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Yank in King Art's Court!
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Culpeper, Virginia, USA
Posts: 1,403
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Different Ways Of Looking At Things
Wasn't sure if you guys have seen this or not. Hope you enjoy either way.
Cheers! Brian DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (or the uncertainty of the English language) Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you? "Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?" ---------------------------------------------------------- A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine." --------------------------------------------------------- "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." --------------------------------------------------------- A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook, and really good with the kids". ----------------------------------------------------------- An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you". The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." ---------------------------------------------------------- Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder. 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records. ---------------------------------------------------------- A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?" The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. ---------------------------------------------------------- Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan." ----------------------------------------------------------- Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell." ---------------------------------------------------------- A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS" ------------------------------------------------------------ While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." He's still in intensive care.
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25-01-2008, 19:59
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#2 |
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Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,931
Liked: 0 times
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Re: Different Ways Of Looking At Things
LOL, some Classics amongst that lot
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Semper in stercore versor, solum altitudo mutat |
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25-01-2008, 20:07
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#3 |
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God Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: i'm on the edge of glory
Posts: 13,528
Liked: 214 times
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Re: Different Ways Of Looking At Things
hahahaha excellent Brian
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When people walk away from you, let them go... It doesn't mean they are bad people, it just means their part in your story is over |
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03-02-2008, 00:42
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#4 |
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Yank in King Art's Court!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Culpeper, Virginia, USA
Posts: 1,403
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 264
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Re: Different Ways Of Looking At Things
Glad ya enjoyed it !
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03-02-2008, 17:29
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#5 |
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Always EVIL within us
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Accrington
Posts: 1,568
Blog Entries: 4
Liked: 40 times
Rep Power: 1669
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Re: Different Ways Of Looking At Things
All of them brilliant, cheers LYY
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Pray that there is intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'Cause there's Bu""er all down here on Earth - (Eric Idle) |
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