Enough to make you Groan

[Busman747]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.
14A, What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[SPUGGIE J]

A bit of light entertainment for those quiet moments
Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your
time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)










First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are

absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.

Now answer the second question,

butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

(scroll down)

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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a

calculator. Try it.
Take1000 and add40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add30.
Add another1000. Now add20. Now add another1000
Now add10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer.....







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Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?





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Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question
again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

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He just has to open his mouth and ask...

It's really very simple.... Like you!

PASS THISON TO FRUSTRATE THE

SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!